Posts by Grimes

Grimes

Jul 30, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Dr. Tyson' - ApplyTexas: Person of importance, why they impacted you [5]

Thank you for the input, I had a feeling that was the case. Below is the updated essay. Highlighted in red are the major "about me" additions.

I first heard of astrophysicist and philosopher Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson as I sought big answers during high school. Answers to questions of life and its meaning, the universe, and why things are the way they are today. By providing realistic and unrealistic theories to countless wonders, some of which he simply made up, Dr. Tyson strongly impacted my life and inspired me to explore the essence of life for more than just facts, but for possibilities and dreams.

As director of the Hayden Planetarium and research associate at the American Museum of Natural History, Dr. Tyson travels throughout the United States to colleges and universities giving speeches and lectures that usually focus on the makeup of our universe and the life it contains. In addition, he often reverts back to the reason why humanity, specifically Americans, should care about the cosmos in the first place. By emphasizing the importance of imagining the possibilities of life and humanity, Dr. Tyson has opened my eyes and shown me how a better tomorrow will not come without dreaming of it first. This gives me motivation to conduct research on career paths requiring high education and encourages me to strive for success both today and tomorrow.

Having seen the light and truth of Dr. Tyson's words, I found myself being more excited about the future and experiencing more thrill in wandering and discovering. He has influenced me to logically question the universe and opposition, while holding a strong opinion at the same time as not being ignorant. By doing so, he also indirectly taught me how to respectfully hold a debate and have fun at the same time. I am now able to take his teachings and use them to see all sides of an argument and ensure fairness in my decisions.

Dr. Tyson has proven to me the importance of dreaming and scientific questioning, and how the impact of his influence on my life can be mirrored by other speakers and their audience in order to maintain and expand upon the dreams of America and her citizens. Every person in his audience, including myself, is then able to continue the spread of his influence in order to reach a world with more reason and imagination. Without his inspirations, I could not realize the importance of parts of life that are so powerful yet ethereal. He has taught me to be open about the world, hearing all opinions equally but accepting what I believe is best from the information I'm given. This attribute will surely help me in my aspired career as an athletic trainer by allowing me to research new technology and techniques in the medicine field and providing me the tools to be more approachable and a better communicator.

If there are any more suggestions, please keep them coming! Thanks again.

Grimes

Jul 30, 2012

Undergraduate / 'helping people' - Apply Texas: issue of importance, how/why it effects you [4]

Thanks for the input guys. Keep it coming if there is more. Below is the updated essay.

Over the past few years the amount of recorded concussions suffered by athletes, specifically high school football athletes, has increased dramatically. Unfortunately, the increasing statistic has struck fear in the parents of athletes. Fearful for the health and safety of their children, parents have begun discouraging football from the lives of kids. However, although protective fear is not unwarranted, the parents often do not fully grasp or even understand the reasons why the statistic has been increasing.

As a student athletic trainer at my high school, I have been approached countless times by the parents of high school and middle school student athletes with concerns about concussions. Many distressed parents believe the annual number of recorded concussions is rising because it "just is". What they do not realize is that there are multiple driving factors behind the increase in statistics. The primary reason for the inflation is through the increasing amount of participants in football. The more participants there are in football, the greater the likelihood for a concussion. In addition, the awareness level and caution advised towards possible concussions has increased as team personnel learn more about the symptoms and effects of a sustained concussion, resulting in more recorded concussions. In theory, the advancements in fitness technology and coaching technique also add to the number of annual concussions as athletes are able to become bigger, stronger, and harder hitting at a much faster pace than in prior years. It is arguable that football has become more dangerous over time, but not as much as parents are coming to believe. In fact, because of the recent influx in attention paid towards football and athletic injuries, it is equally debatable that football has become safer over time despite the increase in concussions. In 2010 and 2011, Texas legislators passed a bill that provided requirements for helmet structures and for concussion management training for certain UIL-covered high school football team personnel. In addition, the bill passed cautious restrictions to help prevent an athlete from sustaining multiple concussions. Hopefully as officials make moves to further protect adolescent athletes, parents will begin to trust in the new system and allow their children to participate.

My life aspiration is to help people, and I have chosen to do so by working to become a certified athletic trainer. As a student athletic trainer, I have already seen the effects of the "concussion debate" and therefore strive to aid in both comforting and protecting parents and athletes of my community by educating them about concussions.

Grimes

Jul 26, 2012

Undergraduate / 'helping people' - Apply Texas: issue of importance, how/why it effects you [4]

Topic B:
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Over the past few years the amount of recorded concussions suffered by athletes, specifically high school football athletes, has increased dramatically. Unfortunately, the increasing statistic has struck fear in the parents of athletes. Fearful for the health and safety of their children, parents have begun discouraging football from the lives of kids. However, although protective fear is not unwarranted, the parents often do not fully grasp or even understand the reasons for why the statistic has been increasing.

As a student athletic trainer at my high school, I have been approached countless times by the parents of high school and middle school student athletes with concerns about concussions. Many distressed parents believe the annual number of recorded concussions is rising because it "just is". What they do not realize is that there are multiple driving factors behind the increase in statistics. The primary reason for the inflation is through the increasing amount of participants in football. The more participants there are in football, the greater the likelihood for a concussion. In addition, the awareness level and caution advised towards possible concussions has increased as team personnel learn more about the symptoms and effects of a sustained concussion, resulting in more recorded concussions. In theory, the advancements in fitness technology and coaching technique also add to the number of annual concussions as athletes are able to become bigger, stronger, and harder hitting at a much faster pace than in prior years. It is arguable that football has become more dangerous over time, but not as much as parents are coming to believe. In fact, because of the recent influx in attention paid towards football and athletic injuries, it is equally debatable that football has become safer over time despite the increase in concussions. In 2010 and 2011, Texas legislators passed a bill that provided requirements for helmet structures and for concussion management training for certain UIL-covered high school football team personnel. In addition, the bill passed cautious restrictions to help prevent an athlete from sustaining multiple concussions. Hopefully as officials make moves to further protect adolescent athletes, parents will begin to trust in the new system and allow their children to participate.

My life aspiration is to help people, and I have chosen to do so by working to become a certified athletic trainer. As a student athletic trainer I have already seen the effects of the "concussion debate" and therefore strive to aid in both comforting and protecting parents and athletes of my community by educating them about concussions.

Thank you in advance for any help/suggestions!

Grimes

Jul 26, 2012

Scholarship / 'Keng, my brother' - the most interesting person you have ever met? why? [4]

A helpless 19 year old who commands endless services might be the way most people would describe my brother, Keng. While it is true he cannot feed himself, walk or even talk... my life is forever and for better... changed. I can't lie , he needs 24 hour care but life has taught me, Keng has taught me, many of life's greatest moments come from challenges. Keng, my brother is the most interesting person I have ever met growing up. At eight months my brother Keng had a disease called Brian disorder ever since then everyday is a struggle to him physically and emotionally. Taking caring of my brother along with my parents isn't easy but it is a blessing in our life.

Very good quick, crisp answer. You do the same thing I find myself doing quite a bit and that is writing how I would personally speak it. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work well in essays (depending on the reader). Consider removing the ellipses in the begginning and possibly rewriting the last half of that sentence. You have a good start with it though.

I suggest replaces "I can't lie" with a different transition. "Despite the fact that..."

Highlighted typo (?) comma in red.

With "Keng, my brother", pick one or the other. We already know his name is Keng and he is your brother, now we just need the single identifier.

In blue there is a grammatical error. Doesn't flow correctly. Consider splitting into 2 sentences or positioning a comma.

Hope those suggestions help. Great job.

Grimes

Jul 26, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Dr. Tyson' - ApplyTexas: Person of importance, why they impacted you [5]

Topic A:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

I first heard of astrophysicist and philosopher Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson as I sought big answers during high school. Answers to questions of life and its meaning, the universe, and why things are the way they are today. By providing realistic and unrealistic theories to countless wonders, some of which he simply made up, Dr. Tyson strongly impacted my life and inspired me to explore the essence of life for more than just facts, but for possibilities and dreams.

As director of the Hayden Planetarium and research associate at the American Museum of Natural History, Dr. Tyson travels throughout the United States to colleges and universities giving speeches and lectures that usually focus on the makeup of our universe and the life it contains. In addition, he often reverts back to the reason why humanity, specifically Americans, should care about the cosmos in the first place. By emphasizing the importance of imagining the possibilities of life and humanity, Dr. Tyson has opened my eyes and shown me how a better tomorrow will not come without dreaming of it first.

Having seen the light and truth of Dr. Tyson's words, I found myself being more excited about the future and experiencing more thrill in wandering and discovering. He has influenced me to logically question the universe and opposition, while holding a strong opinion at the same time as not being ignorant. By doing so, he also indirectly taught me how to respectfully hold a debate and have fun at the same time.

Dr. Tyson has proven to me the importance of dreaming and scientific questioning, and how the impact of his influence on my life can be mirrored by other speakers and their audience in order to maintain and expand upon the dreams of America and her citizens. Every person in his audience, including myself, is then able to continue the spread of his influence in order to reach a world with more reason and imagination. Without his inspirations, I could not realize the importance of parts of life that are so powerful yet ethereal.

Thank you in advance for any help!

Grimes

Jul 26, 2012

Essays / Today's society is a consumer society. What problems can arise? [help to start] [2]

I do not believe the mods here will write you a full answer to your prompt (just read the rules), but I will give you some ideas. Also, these ideas are assuming by "society" the prompt refers to the American economic system.

A "Consumer Society" in America is another way of saying Free Market and balanced capitalism. That means the economy relies on people buying domestic goods. Laissez-faire capitalism excludes government control and social capitalism includes it. The US has both for different industries and businesses, which rises a political debate. Because the American economy requires consumer participation, it is often called a "Self Fulfilling Economy" because it will maintain itself as long as people are buying domestically, be it goods, shares, or even putting money in a bank instead of in Switzerland or under your bed. Of course, this is also why the economy continues to fail. Many Americans do not trust the economy and therefore do not invest or buy, instead they save up money under their bed or in foreign locations. There is your problem: lack of trust in the system. How do you fix it? Well, technically its fixed by getting people to buy stuff and invest. How to do that, however, is theory, and what economists work at today.