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Posts by sophienguyen92v
Joined: Aug 6, 2012
Last Post: Aug 7, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  

From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 8
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sophienguyen92v   
Aug 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / Lying is always wrong, no matter whether it is a big lie or a white lie [8]

I have read your essays and I wonder what type of essay it is. A discussion type or an argument type or a mixture of both?

If it is an argument type, i do not think your essay looks like one. To state it more clearly, first, in the introduction paragraph you insist that some lying is acceptable, some is not -> you disagree with the statement.

However, in the body paragraph, you say both about the advantages and drawbacks of telling lies, which makes me confuse you agree or disagree with the statement.

That is my opinion. Hope it will help you get better

PS: Please read my essay too :)
sophienguyen92v   
Aug 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Art or other essential service? Discuss both views, give your opinions [2]

Governments in the world spend large amounts of money to support arts. However, there are many other essential services, such as healthcare and education, that require urgent actions and subsidies. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is commonly accepted that art is concerned as an essential role in the society. This can be seen in both developed and developing countries, where art receives lots of supports from governments. However, opponents argue that it is necessary for leaderships to sustain other essential services immediately. I am of the latter belief for the following reasons.

In order to justify my point of view, I would like to state that, essential services, including education and the hospital sector, hold a significant position in our lives. For instance, there is no denying that one of the most benefits of education is getting a better paid job. As the modern world evolves, the fact that requirements for every type of jobs get more and more rigorous results in scared opportunities for low skilled workers. Meanwhile, because of qualifications and credentials education produce, people with high diplomas are often highly praised and promoted. Other sectors namely healthcare provide various service packages such as disease prevention for the purpose of creating better lives. That is how essential services contribute to the society.

Furthermore, it is indisputable that the existing essential services do not meet the demand from the society. Social statistics show that the population of the world in 2012 is approximately 7 billion and there is an increasing trend in this number. Consequently, the demand for essential services such as electricity, water and education will, irrefutably, keep reaching higher levels. Indisputably, no actions from government produce escalating rates in social evil and death. Therefore, it is a prime duty of leaderships to invest instantaneously and efficiently in these sectors.

Nevertheless, the importance of art is undeniable. Art, including music, theater, film and visual arts, contribute to the mind development. Art is a reflection of reality and children can get more knowledge through art. Moreover, doing art opens our imagination and brings confidence. For example, a child singing in stages tend to be more dynamic and sociable in various activities. In these cases, art cannot be ignored.

All things considered, there is a need for governments to devote more to the essential services enhancing. As is stated above, it is the importance and high demand that requires urgent actions from leaderships. Nevertheless, art is still needed to be sustained.
sophienguyen92v   
Aug 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Fish and Meat Consumption [3]

First the topic sentence must mention the unit in the graph.
I don't know what your graph looks like but I think your should mention more about the comparison of each meat. :)
sophienguyen92v   
Aug 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / Has junk food changed the way people live? [6]

It is much clearer I think. However, you should not mention it doesn't take much time and skills to be prepared. However, some people are against the easy-to-prepare food because they consider it unhealthy . Since it is only a introduction paragraph, just say the main topic of the essay and your opinion (agree/ disagree). For example,

" Food is regarded as one of the most concerns in the society. Since ancient times, various techniques and efforts have been applied for the purpose of making food more easier to prepare. It is argued that this has brought changes in the way people live. I agree with this statement because of the following reasons."

That's my opinion :)
sophienguyen92v   
Aug 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Elderly people should live in nursing homes or with younger people! [2]

Please fix my essay. Thanks a lot

Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

It is commonly accepted that places for elders is regarded as one of the most concerns in the society. This can be seen in many developed countries where the number of elderly people is reaching higher levels. Proponents argue that nursing homes are better living places for elders than their families. Both sides of the issue will be discussed in my writings.

Generally speaking, no one can deny the benefits of living with families, including expenditure. From the governmental perspective, irrefutably, the higher the number of elders are, the more demand of the nursing homes are. As a result, there will be a need for government to allocate more money for the purpose of meeting demand including nursing house building and staff training and paying. An ambiguous example of this is Japan, one of the countries having the most aging rates in the world. In 2002, Japanese government spent a budget of $60 billion on health care for elderly. Living with families can be a contributory factor to solve that problem.

Nevertheless, living with families sometimes have some drawbacks. Facts have shown that people at older age tend to easily feel depression because of their health which usually is not as good as they used to be and their loneliness. In the modern society, their children prefer working to staying at homes, all of which makes elderly feel more dejected. The modern family is often not close-knit and members do not have habits of spending time chatting with each other. In this case, going to nursing houses is better suitable choices for elderly since at least there are somebody talking and playing with them.

Looking at both sides of the situation, I am convinced by the belief that it is better for elderly to live with their families. In the time of economic crisis, the expenditure per head, according to statistics, keeps escalating and, therefore, not a number of families could afford this. Also, local authorities could organize programs with participations of elderly, including "Walking for a green environment" which provides them opportunities to have conversations with others.

All things considered, regarding both views of the issue, I am of the latter belief. As is stated above, living with families is an economic choice. Nonetheless, for the purpose of limiting pessimistic effects, local authorities and families should motivate elderly participate in social programs.
sophienguyen92v   
Aug 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / Has junk food changed the way people live? [6]

Food is the main source of energy for a human. Throughout the development of the human kind, people tried to make their food tastier and healthier. Nowadays, the food companies produce which has become easier and faster to prepare. In my opinion, this modern development of food changed the way people live because the cuisine is changing and people spend less time on cooking. However, some people are against the easy-to-prepare food because they consider it unhealthy.

I thinks there is no need to say because the cuisine is changing and people spend less time on cooking. However, some people are against the easy-to-prepare food because they consider it unhealthy. Just say because of the following reasons.

Moreover, I cannot understand the topic sentence of each paragraph :| Notably, an essay should use academic languages.
sophienguyen92v   
Aug 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK:Popular events are essential in easing internatiol tensions. [7]

In my opinion, the structure is not good. Usually there are at least 4 paragraphs including introduction, body and conclusion.
Besides, the essay must contain at least 250 words while yours only have 205. In my country (vietnam), the essay < 250 words get serious low points.
Moreover, the ideas given are not clear enough.
I am not good at volcabulary and grammar so I have no comments to those. :)
sophienguyen92v   
Aug 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Some people consider thinking about the future to be a waste of time? [2]

Please help me correct this essay. Thanks a lot.

Some people consider thinking about the future to be a waste of time, and say that we should simply live now. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is commonly accepted that considering future is essential in the modern society. This can be seen frequently in both developed and developing countries where people are motivated to prepare their own future plans. However, critics argue that this action is meaningless and time wasting. I am of the former belief because of the following reasons.

To justify my point of view, I would like to state that future thinking inspires us the striving will. In the time of economic crisis, at least 60% of the world population are living under the pressure of financial conditions or terrorism. The images of a better future will motivates them to work hard, think different and big for the purpose of making that future come true. An ambiguous example of this is my story of failing university entrance exam. At that time, my feelings were completely hopeless and however, when the thought of a notorious career in the future gives me some hope and objectives to strive again. To put it simply, future thinking is significant in order to motivate people

Generally speaking, from corporative perspective, it is undeniable that thinking about the future improve work efficiency. Irrefutably, it is known that the market changes every minute which makes manufacturers careful in planning and conducting. A plan considered future elements is needed for the purpose of preventing any damage the future market can bring. For example, 'Bitis' company intend to launch their new products in fall 2012. As a result, it is necessary for them to do research on customers' appeals and consider economic factors influencing the fall season market. In this case, the importance of future plans cannot be ignored.

All things considered, thinking about the future is regard an indispensable factor for the purpose of achieving success. As is stated above, not only does it motivate us but also it advance work competence. It is recommended that individual should be encourage to capacity their future plans more.
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