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Posts by Tomy6240
Joined: Aug 26, 2012
Last Post: Sep 10, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: Australia

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Sep 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS]Men and women employed in full-time jobs have to share evenly household chores [3]

Men and women employed in full-time jobs have to share evenly household chores and caring for children at home. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One question that has caused a great deal of controversy over the years is whether or not, males and females are equally accountable for doing home chores and nurturing offspring at home. Many people are of view that wives are more responsible for upbringing kids and working housework, whereas there are others who disagree with this view. Both of these views will be further scrutinized in the following paragraphs.

On one side of the argument, housework such as cleaning and tidying the house are fascinating activities that married couple should embrace them as these activities strengthen their relationship; hence, it is essential for the work at home to be apportioned equally. The main reason for believing this view is because it reduces the number of potential arguments and conflicts between them as equal distribution of responsibility for doing housework and raising kids eliminate the feeling of unfairness.

On the other hand, house chores and nurturing kids are not mandatory, but voluntarily for males to do as women are solely answerable for these activities. Predominantly, people have this opinion because husbands usually work a longer working hours than their wives, hence, a portion of the accountability of housework and raising children shifted to their wives. It is possible to say that women have the ability to do a better job doing home chores and upbringing kids as the majority of women are more experience and had worked as a babysitter or nanny during high school vacation.

In conclusion, there is no easy answer to this question. On balance, however, I tend to believe household chores and educating kids should be distributed equally between males and females regardless whoever has longer working hours.
Sep 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'overseas investment by companies' - IELTS Essay [7]

I think you will score very well in coherence and grammar. To improve your band score, you can find synonyms for the following words:

Foreign companies: multinational companies

foreign companies

it can bring more work opportunities so that can increase employment rate.

It can create more job opportunities which result in a decrease in unemployment rate.
Aug 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Finance equally' - [IELTS] Prevention is better than cure? [5]

Please give me some comment and feedback! If you can help me correct my mistakes in the essay, I will be much more appreciated! THANK YOU!

"Prevention is better than cure."
Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One question that has caused a great deal of controversy over the years is health financial plan. Many commentators are on the view a huge fraction of health finances should be spent on prevention campaigns whist there are those who believe more funding should be distributed to treatment than anticipatory events. From my personal perspective, an equal balance of funding to treatment and pre-emptive campaigns is an ideal ratio. This viewpoint will be further scrutinized in the following paragraphs.

To begin with, it is often said that a high number of incorrigible sickness are caused by the lack of prevention measures. For instance, many smokers are not aware of the detrimental effects that smoking can bring. Such harmful effects include cancer, aging and more. However, experts believe if governments are able to increase awareness of incurable sickness such as educating children on sun-screen protection in school to prevent skin cancer, not only the number of irredeemable disease cases will fall, but also it is cost-saving to the government as there will be lesser patients seeking for treatments.

Despite the funding on prevention measure, there are, of course, oppositions who believe a large ratio of health finances should be apportioned on cure. This is due to the fact that a large number of irredeemable illnesses such as cancer are caused by family genetic. Medical researchers state that these deadly diseases are often inevitable and it is essential for governments to allocate extra funding on these treatments.

My conclusion would be that this is a well-balance issue. It is necessary for the ministry of health to equally finance between prevention measure and treatment.