Writing Feedback / Essay comments - "invention that has influenced modern society" [2]

Hi, I wrote another essay for CLEP practice. Any comments are appreciated, but I'm mostly interested in this: Is my thesis sentence clear? Are my closing remarks clear and appropriate? Are there any places that seem off topic? Anyone have any CLEP essay tips?

Thanks!

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"Choose one invention or discovery that has significantly influenced modern society. Show either the positive and/or negative influence of this invention or discovery."

Our world has experienced many changes within the last century, and one of the most influential changes is the invention of the cellphone. The cellphone has completely changed the way we communicate, as well as the speed, convenience, and quality of our communication.

The cell phone has made communication more convenient than ever before. If we find ourselves in a bind, like maybe our car breaks down, we can simply pick up our cell and call a friend or tow truck. If we're on the road, away from a telephone directory, we can call the operator and they can connect us to whoever we want.

Along with improving the convenience of our communication, cell phones have made communication move faster and faster. I can call you tell you something, and you can call a friend, and that friend can call another friend all within an incredibly small time frame. News that would have once taken several hours (or days) to travel, now travels within a matter of minutes.

Because news travels so fast, the result is that everyone is so much more connected than they were in the past. Cells phones have created a network of human beings, and that network is a living and vibrant thing. In the past, networks of people were limited, because it took lots of time and effort to spread news. Now, because of the speed and ease of communication, networks are allowed to grow much larger and complex.

These three improvements in communication (convenience, speed, and greater connection) have resulted, unfortunately, in a decrease in the quality of communication. I believe that because communication is so easy nowadays, people take less time to think about what they're saying. An accurately conveyed message is less valuable, because people take communication for granted. People think that if a mistake is made, it can quickly be fixed with another phone call. This is inefficient! You should always strive to communicated clearly and accurately the very FIRST time. Just because it's relatively easy to make another call and fix a miscommunication, doesn't mean it's acceptable to do that!

Modern society will never be the same as it once was. The invention of the cellphone has changed society by giving the human race the amazing power of communication. We must recognize this power, and the responsibilities that come with it. Indeed, the cell phone is an great invention that has changed the convenience, speed, and efficiency of our modern day communication.

Writing Feedback / Essay comments - "A place you go to relax" [4]

I'll be taking the CLEP English Exam with Essay pretty soon, so I need to practice my essay writing. I did some review, chose a topic, and wrote this essay in half an hour. Any feedback and tips will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

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Topic: "Describe a place you go to relax and explain why and how this place is relaxing."

In this hectic life, we all need a place of rest and relaxation. We need a place where we can temporarily get away from it all. Everyone needs a place like this, and for everyone that place will be different. For me, that place of rest and relaxation is the kitchen. Let me tell you why.

First, the kitchen is a great place to unwind, because there's food there. Eating food is a very enjoyable thing, and it causes your body to release happy chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. For a brief moment, you are enraptured by the joy of food, and it causes all the stress of your life to melt away. Along with the dopamine produced directly by the food, your body also makes dopamine when you have successfully created a dish. You reached a goal, and your mind rewarded you for all your hard work.

Not only is the kitchen a great place to relax because it has food, but it's also a place of quite introspection. I usually go there, even when I'm not hungry, just to walk around and look out the window. I think. It's a place where I can let all my thoughts come together and I can sort things out.

The kitchen can also be a very social place, where everyone in the house gathers to make small talk and joke around. You feel connected with others, and it can make you realize that a lot of what you worry about, really doesn't matter. Friends and family are one of the most important things in your life.

But perhaps one the most important reason that I think the kitchen is a relaxing place, is because for me it represents a place of symbolic, spiritual cleansing. The kitchen is usually dirty, and every few days I have to clean it. When that happens, I view the event as a representation of my own inner, spiritual state. When the kitchen is out of order, my life is chaotic. When the kitchen is clean, my life has order. In cleaning the kitchen, I once again bring order into my life.

In conclusion, I believe that the kitchen is the most relaxing place I go. Everyone needs a place to relax. Where is your place?