Undergraduate / Steadying the ball; Short Answer on Basketball for the Common Application [2]

As mentioned in the title of my post, this is my short answer for the Common Application. Their prompt is to describe/elaborate on in 1000 characters ( about 150-160 words) on an extracurricular activity of mine or a work experience. I chose to talk about basketball, an activity that I participate in outside of school...

Please give me detailed feedback on what you think-- anything that may need editing, confusing sounding areas or anywhere I could be more descriptive, etc. Thanks!! :)

Short answer for the Common Application:

Steadying the ball between my tired hands, I exhale deeply, the puff of my warm breath
contrasting with the cold night air. The squeak of my Nikes again mark the start of my motion
down the paved court. I run, weaving the ball around my ankles, passing it back and forth
between my fingertips. All I can see is the hoop in front of me as I drive myself forwards.
For me, basketball is more than just a game of skill. It is a passion that helps me to relax and
release any stress I've felt during the day. As I run-through the drills, both my mind and body are
conditioned to focus, persist, and settle into a rhythm of self-motivation...
In a surge of momentum, my feet shove against the pavement with all their power, my calf
muscles contract, and I jump, - in one fluid motion, extending my arm and driving the ball
through the hoop. I listen to the swish of the ball through the net and feel the satisfaction of my
dedication.

Undergraduate / "Say cheese!" The flash of the camera [7]

My essay is on my love of poetry and how writing has helped me to grow as a person... I have been working on this essay for weeks and the school I want to submit it to has a deadline for this October 1st! Please give VERY descriptive feedback as to what specifically I should change, perhaps some areas I could omit and make more concise. Specifically, I am having a very hard time with the ending of my essay. I think right now, the ending sounds very weak and could be MUCH stronger and more powerful, but I don't know how to make it leave an impact... Also, any suggestions for a stronger title would be appreciated!!! Thank you for your input!!!! :)

A Poet's Quest

"Say cheese!" The flash of the camera blinded my squinting eyes as I shifted awkwardly, trying
to conjure up a smile. Standing on the curb outside Seattle's Key Arena, I was one of 1,500
identically dressed teenagers in a cap and long, forest green gown. Ever since my first day of
high school, I had eagerly anticipated my graduation as the one milestone moment that would
mark my initiation into life as an 'adult.'

But as I stood there having walked the stage and received my diploma, I found myself anxious,
nostalgic, and at a loss of words as to why.

It is a writer's task to communicate the indescribable. As a poet, writing is how I capture life
and seek to find myself. Pablo Neruda once said, "Someday, somewhere- anywhere, unfailingly,
you'll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life."
Sometimes, the use of a pen and paper is the only way I can truly speak my mind. Unlike
Pablo Neruda, I have yet to live the hour in which I have completely discovered myself. But on
that day, I felt a time both one of the happiest and most bittersweet I had ever known.

My graduation marked the end of my childhood as I knew it and I had begun a new season.
Looking back, I know now that the sorrow I had felt emanated not from a desire to
relive those days, but rather from a sudden consciousness that time is fleeting and I have but one
life to live.

Like life, poetry is a journey of both experiences and recollections. It is a process of taking
reality and merging it into a style of expression that allows passion to flow in its purest form.
Here, my mind and soul converge to share knowledge gained and move to translate my thoughts
into a universal language.

The process of writing poetry has challenged me. As a growing poet, I am continually taught to value
new-found knowledge with a childlike faith. I learn to take my experiences - joy, laughter, pleasures,
and pain and share my unique perspective on life with others. It is when my pen meets the paper
that my mind finds its words and like an infant with no familiarity with the world, I begin to truly
learn. Persistence and revision are the poet's lessons from life. Through these teachers, I have
been imparted with patience and self-discipline. I have learned to relinquish my fear of exposure
and vulnerability. When I share my poetry, I share more than just words. I am passing my
emotions and heart into the hands of another, and as a result growing from their wisdom and
guidance.

I suppose you can say that words are shaping me. Now, I feel no worry or need for guarantee. I am
living to enjoy the unexpected, unwritten poetry in life. It does not matter to me that right now I do not
understand it all.

For I know that "Someday, somewhere, unfailingly" I will live the hour in which I will find myself.

Undergraduate / "Capturing Life" - COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY [2]

I want to submit this essay to the common app online for the school's I am applying to as an incoming freshman applicant. My essay is about my love of poetry... please give me feedback of how I can improve it, and any general questions/thoughts you may have. Thank you!!

]Capturing Life

Halfway between consciousness and the insanity of my dreams, it struck me. Like open water charged
by a thousand volts of lightning, my mind ran wild in a current of electrifying thoughts. It was as if for
the first time, I was truly awake-to the touch of the cool cotton sheets under my skin, the flickering
rhythm of the orange lights dancing through my closed eyes, and the rush of the wind as they flew by
my open window.
But what I sensed most was just how quickly time was passing me by.
Bolting out of my bed, I blindly crashed through the darkness and felt around for a pen and paper. I
couldn't allow life to escape me anymore.
I sat down on the floor of my room, took a deep breath and exhaled in a steady stream of ink.
Poetry is how I capture life. I want to create what is otherwise ineffable, and I have found that the
gift of transferring magic and emotions into the mind of another to be one of the greatest joys I have
known.
Yesterday, I looked through my old photos stored away in a dusty box. Right before me, lied my entire childhood, my fondest memories.
I saw pictures of my first steps, the toothy grin of an eight year old and warm, lazy nights catching
fireflies in the yard of our old Tennessee home.
As beautiful as they were, they told only an incomplete story. The patent 4x6 voices fell weak to bring to
life the muted versions of myself that stood before my eyes.
My childhood cannot be relived and I can never feel again what I knew in those moments. With the
smile painted on my lips, rose a twinge of pain rose in my heart, as I realized memories, like time often
us.
In its singularity, creating life is perhaps a poet's greatest challenge, to pen a work that when read
and reread, evolves into an entity that both lives and breathes.
Carl Sandburg once said, "Poetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance."
But my writing is not only how I choose to remember the ghosts of my past, it is also how I make sense
of the present and hope for the future.
It is where I have found liberation in my vulnerability and have heard myself both weak and strong in my
self-discovery. My words have become a catharsis much more powerful than pain or tears, laughter or
joy. They are an anthology that envelops time and like life, are always moving.
Unlike my box of memories, my poetry is a universal language and what I speak to others will never find
itself lost in translation.
As I add more chapters to my collection of life, I cannot help but feel I have somehow managed to hold
on to the past while moving forward to paint visions for my future.