Writing Feedback / Females & males education [IELTS] Writing Task 1_2 [2]

Please give me as much feedback as you can.

The charts show the number of girls per 100 boys in all levels of education. Compared with nineteen's in 2000 the number of girls in all levels of education raised but not significantly.

Talking about primary and tertiary education there was almost the same rise (two or three per cent) in developing countries as in developed countries. While in tertiary education the number of girls went up substantially, in primary education the change was minor.

In secondary education the percentage of girls in developing countries raised more faster than the ones in developed countries.
In general, in developed countries, there was a higher proportion of girls at all levels than in developing countries, but by 2000, females in tertiary education in developed countries outnumbered males.

In both, secondary and tertiary education in developed countries the proportion of girls was growing substantially (ten and nine per cent).

Thanks!

Writing Feedback / 'Effects of government's spending on culture and education' [IELTS] Writing Task 1_1 [5]

This report is intended to give a brief summary about the relationship between the government's spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in the years mentioned.

From the chart below we can deduce that the spending of the Government on the Arts were quite similar in 1995 and 2005.
The major change is on "Theatre" field where compared with 1995, the spending almost doubled.
Despite of this change, the number of people going at theatre did not increased significantly.
Overall, we can find almost the same amount of people participating in arts events in 2005 compared with 1995. The spending of the Government on visual arts suffered a major change, and was reduced, and almost proportional the number of people interested in visual arts was diminished in 2005.

Music is the most popular art form and in 1995 the Government spent most money on this, but the amount they spent on 1995 dropped slightly in 2005. However the number of people attending music events raised a lot between 1995 and 2005.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS -Eating in many Western countries [3]

Hello.

I just wrote the following essay for IELTS preparation and I need feedback.
Don't be gentile at all! :)

Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should changes their diet.

What are your opinion on that?

Nowadays people tend to concern about a lot of daily issues, they are overwhelmed with daily activities, but one major topic is left behind: the one regarding the healthiness of our lives.

Almost any day of the week you can look at a newspaper and read stories about youth having problem with weight, with people suffering from diabetes, and a lot of people trying to get rid of the extra kilos.

But what do we actually do? Are we trying to solve this problem, or we are just ignoring it, acting like is something natural, and we have nothing to do in order to solve these issues.

Overweight is going to be one of the biggest global problem that our generation will face, if we don't take attitude.
The aim of this essay is to demonstrate that individuals must take responsibility for their own health, and make the right decisions about the food they are eating.

In fact we all need to eat in order to survive and to be healthy. Why are we Western people, using this against us?
There are some cultures, for example Italian one, where people eat in order to enjoy it and they consider this as an hobby. They have a large variety of typical food, that not only is bery tasty, but is very healthy as well.

Instead of copying this lifestyle, we can see that the number of fast foods is increasing considerably. No matter age, or gender, more and more people tend to eat more junk food.

Also supermarkets have a large variety of products, that are easy to cook, but that are so harmful for our lives.
Sometimes is cheaper and quicker to eat unhealthy, but do we really save time and money acting like this?
To draw a conclusion as we still do not understand the long-term effects of a modern diet on our health, more research is needed to make realistic diagnoses.