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Posts by JoannaM
Joined: Sep 23, 2012
Last Post: Dec 27, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  

Displayed posts: 8
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JoannaM   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Cultivate my insights and skills ; BOSTON U/ Why BU? [3]

Boston University targets real world issues such as homelessness and sustainability through student action which promotes responsibility, leadership, productivity and teamwork which are all skills that I yearn to refine.

(To shorten and combine sentences)

I really like your style of writing. It's engaging and entertaining to read! Very nice job on providing a lot of detail and substance in a very minimal amount of words!
JoannaM   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Medical field; NYU Supp - Academic interests? [4]

Thank you very much for your response! I greatly appreciate it :D
Yes, I do feel that I rushed the ending talking about how I would use NYU to help further my education.
Gah I hate the word limit!
JoannaM   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Medical field; NYU Supp - Academic interests? [4]

Prompt:

NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve
their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a deï-nitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic

interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses. (max 1,500 characters!)


He screamed. He kicked. He struggled against the nurturing hands that tried to help him. The once strong, struggling kicks turned to feeble jolts until the anesthesia finally put him under. As he drifted into a dreamless state, we were able to make out one more word: mom. The patient was 3 years old and had a collapsed artery. This scene brought me to tears. I wondered how the doctors in neatly tied scrubs and surgical masks were able to ignore this and continue their daily routine with dry eyes and emotionless faces. It was not until the end of the surgery when I saw a wide smile spread across their faces that I came to a realization. They were not heartless like I had previously thought; they were the exact opposite. They were so dedicated to their work and patient that they blocked out all other influences in the surgery room in order to focus on getting their patient healthy again. Ever since that day, I knew that my heart was set on becoming someone who was as passionate and dedicated to their career as the doctors in that surgery room were. It's a long and arduous road in front of me but I believe that I have the motivation to persevere. My first step begins with a college that can provide me with all the resources and knowledge to pursue a rewarding career in the medical field and I believe that NYU is that college for me. There, I will continue to expand my knowledge on the medical field and push myself to discover new things about myself and my future career path.

Any revisions are greatly appreciated! My last and final college essay!! :D
JoannaM   
Oct 13, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Slap slap' / 'Steep mountain' - NYU Undergraduate Short Answer [4]

This place is significant for me because this place symbolizes how far my dad has come in his journey to a better life, and that's why I am motivated to do that same in my life and not take things in life for granted.

It connects to how this place is significant for me in the second part of the essay...was that not clear enough? Should I add something else into it as well?
JoannaM   
Oct 13, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Slap slap' / 'Steep mountain' - NYU Undergraduate Short Answer [4]

Ops actually essay 1 is my UVA supplement essay!

UVA - supplement essay topic

College of Arts & Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised,
unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? (250 words or half a page)

Please help me edit essay number 1 as well? Thank you!
JoannaM   
Oct 13, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Slap slap' / 'Steep mountain' - NYU Undergraduate Short Answer [4]

I actually wrote two different ones, I am not sure which one I want to go with yet! Please help me decide? Which one do you like better? The second one is very personal..putting this out on a website for others to read was very difficult for me..

Any content/grammar revisions are much appreciated!

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientiï-c achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a ï-lm, book,

performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its signiï-cance to you.
(max 1,500 characters including spaces)


Essay 1:

Slap, slap, slap. The binding of the book connected with the cold hard desk. I gingerly lifted my worn and tattered copy of the book from my desk and read the title: "Brave New World". I rolled my eyes and I scoffed at the clichĂŠ title thinking it was yet another mundane book that we were required to read for school. I was wrong. My concept of the future changed drastically as Aldous Huxley gave me a tour of his imaginary utopian world. When I think of the future, I think of graduating, going to college, getting married. But Huxley made me wonder if our society and consequently our life would be much different than what we predict and expect. I think of my grandparent's and parent's generation and think of how their visions of the future have been changed now that the new age of technology sprung upon them. It slightly frightens me to think of the future as anything other than what I foresee in my mind. But change is bound to happen. It creeps upon us without warning and can radically alter our lives in unexpected ways. It's the unknown of when and what that change is that places us out of our comfort zone.

Essay 2:

A massive hole located on the side of a steep mountain. That's where my father lived for most of his life. The entrance of the oblong oval cave was adorned with patches of withered grass. Holes that adorned the straw mat that covered the entrance acted as windows and a source of light. I used to think that such a house was only fit for primitive cavemen who had no knowledge of how to build anything more advanced to live in. But as I stood outside the metal bars that surrounded my father's childhood home and looked upon the grass and dirt yard that my father used to play in when he was younger, I found a whole new appreciation and understanding for life. I learned to appreciate the simple things in life such as having a hot meal for dinner and a warm bed to climb into every night. I no longer take for granted the educational opportunities that I am given that my father was not. But ultimately, as clichĂŠ as it may seem, I learned to keep on fighting for what you want in life no matter what situation you are put in.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my short answers!
JoannaM   
Oct 13, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Lucky to be borned in the US in a rich home' - revising my NYU Supplemental [4]

The last sentence "Also, my parent's endurance and rock solid motivation to build a better family has instilled in me one of my most valuable qualities, to never give up even when all hope seems lost." seems to be a little disjointed from the rest of the essay, I would find some way to revise it so that it flows better with the essay!

I am also doing this topic for NYU please check it out if you have the time?
JoannaM   
Oct 1, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App (How Different Can An Education Be?) [5]

as neatly and as quickly as possible

There,(be sure to restate/clarify where "there" is) memorization would earn anyone an A, not comprehension.

Transitioning from the 2nd to the 3rd paragraph, be sure to make it clear that you are talking about a different location and not still about the United States educational system!

Other than that, your essay is very clear, to the point and concise! Hope I could help in some way and good luck! :]

Joanna Ma
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