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Posts by Elainephuong
Joined: Jan 11, 2009
Last Post: Jan 23, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: Vietnam

Displayed posts: 7
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Elainephuong   
Jan 23, 2009
Undergraduate / An important issue ("She is always") [11]

Wow, thank you very much !! I will correct it right now.

@ kofpower: Oh, this is the first time I post it on the web ! ^^ Are there any matters?
Elainephuong   
Jan 22, 2009
Undergraduate / An important issue ("She is always") [11]

Thanks a lot , but do you think that it can make the adcom feel bored because it's so serious?
Elainephuong   
Jan 21, 2009
Undergraduate / An important issue ("She is always") [11]

Many thanks ^^ !

Prompt:

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Essay:

"She is always in the top rank at school. She is such a dynamic and talent girl. She is one of the best students of mine. I feel happy and comfortable to be in charge of a class having a monitor as her."

I couldn't stand being proud when I heard my grade 9 counselor chatted with her colleagues those words. I was pleased because all my ceaselessly effort in academic as well as in leadership was finally acknowledged. Those days were so wonderful. I felt as if I was in the heaven with a heart full of love and happiness, among my teachers and my dear friends. However, everything has to come to an end. At the end of the school year, all of us had to cope with an extreme-hash entrance examination to continue to grade 10 in another school. I studied day and night, studied harder than a bee to attain my aim, because my teachers and my parents set all their hope on me. I mustn't let them down.

With all my optimism and endeavor, I did win; the dream of mine, of my parent's finally came true. I became a member of Le Hong Phong high school, a school which is categorized as one of the best schools for the gifted in Vietnam. New environment, new classmates, everything was totally great. One new life started hopefully when I was chosen to be the vice-president of my class. I believed the days after would be as wonderful as the past. However, contrary to my expectation, everything tended to go on the wrong way. My classmates came from different areas and provinces. Each student has his own unique character. However, they had one thing in common: they were all talent; they had been the best students in their old school. As a result, I felt as if they were diamonds, precious treasures, really sparkled but unconnected. It was a challenge to unify them. I and the class president had to prepare many things for them to explore each others. One of the most effective ways is playing games at weekends. We used to play different games, such as remembering-names, remembering- birthdays, or being-"blind"-and-drawing-your-friend's-face. My favorite one was guessing our friend's career in the future. To play that game, we commented about the chosen one's characteristics, and then guessed his favorite job. This game brought us plenty of surprise. A girl wanted to be a pilot. A boy loved to be a famous Hollywood director. Another mischievous boy desired to be a Math teacher. This game really helped us be closer and understand each others more.

However, that was not my only problem. As I have stated, my classmates are diamonds. They're extremely excellent. In the first school year, I was shocked because of their intelligent minds. They also had followed a summer course to know all knowledge in advance. I couldn't catch up with them. If you view my transcript, you can see how different between the results of grade 9 and grade 10. Stressful, disappointed! I was sometimes buried in a pool of depression, and even wallowed in Internet, blogging, chatting for a short time to forget the bad reality. Luckily, my family and best friends were always by my side. They helped me recall my dream and my passion in learning. After giving myself a slap on the face, I came back to my desk, continued in studying day and night. Staying up late till midnight, waking up at 4 or 5 am gradually became my habit. I spent all my savings on preference books, spent most of my time in school library so that the librarian remembered my full name and my class among 2 thousands students. Step by step, little by little, I regained my confidence. Although my academic result was not good, I am pleased that I have not ever given up. My mother is right when saying that a learner must be a soldier. I couldn't be the best soldier, but I am proud I have never dropped my weapon.

A hasher entrance examination is waiting for me. I am planning to struggle with
strongest rivalries. Those days in Le Hong Phong were significantly improved my
courage, my faith and self-confidence. I believe I can pass. A good university
is welcoming me. Everything will be more challenge, but the soldier is ready to
strive for her future.
Elainephuong   
Jan 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Diversified Health Occupations class essay, need help. [4]

In my opinion, your reasons of choosing that class is a little bit self-centered. Your major is about health, right? You study it just because it can help you in the future, and it's cool. Just for yourself, that's all?

( Honestly, I think Health Occupation must have a more elevated aim...)
Elainephuong   
Jan 21, 2009
Undergraduate / My Father as a source of inspiration and enlightenment to me [13]

You're a fan of Obama,huh? :P

In my opinion, you went so far in describing your father, instead of yourself, which can make adcom think that what I've got are all owing to your father, not your own effort. Furthermore, your essay is a little bit wordy. I think you have a good way of writing as long as you make it more succinct. :)
Elainephuong   
Jan 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Pepperdine University - an application essay. [4]

I truly deeply appreciate your help... Thanks a lot !
I was so careless when not checking all spelling errors. So silly I was ! If you can find any more errors, in grammar, patterns, structure or using words, please tell me. Because I love this uni very much, I hope this essay can be impressive and touched enough. Thanks in advance.
Elainephuong   
Jan 11, 2009
Undergraduate / Pepperdine University - an application essay. [4]

This is the first time I write an application essay. I know that it still has many errors, especially using vocabulary. That's why I really really need your help. The deadline is coming very close. Please check it and give me advices to improve it. Thanks a million everybody.

Prompt:
Please respond to the following prompt in 300-500 words.
As a Christian university, Pepperdine believes education is a privilege that ideally evokes a sense of global responsibility. Drawing upon your knowledge of current and historical events, your analysis of literary works, or the experiences of your own life, how do you envision your role as a global citizen?Have you ever heard about Vietnam? A war land. A poor nation. Or a backward Asian country. Whatever you think of, she is always my dear Mom.

Since I was a kid, I have been taught that my hometown - Vietnam is a poor land lying on the Indochina Peninsula in Southeast Asia. However, I know my country is economically poor, not culturally poor. I observed how skillfully a craftsman finishing his lacquer painting, tasted the delicious flavor of "banh xeo", "banh cuon" - idyllic dishes. I'm happy that my homeland has a wonderful culture covering in unique products; but I can't help being sad because that essence doesn't have a chance to display in the world. At the age of 13, I hold a desire of doing something to support my country products which have been grown up with me and formed me as now.

When I was 14, I "met" a man who gave me a turning-point of my life.You may wonder why I put "met" into quoting marks. It's because that he just appeared on TV in a New Year's Eve talkshow. He is Dang Le Nguyen Vu, head of the well- known coffee chain Trung Nguyen, who didn't mind competing against Starbucks, whose franchises are present inThailand, Singapore, Malaysia, Japan, China, Germany and the US. However, at that moment, when I heard what he was saying, I felt as if he wasn't a businessman, but a friend in front of me conversing closely with me. He truly talked about his childhood dream, his passion of showing Vietnam's esssence to the world, and his belief in us - the youth, the next generation of this land. While many adults complainted about snobbishness in a part of us, he believed that we would certainly make our predecessor proud.

"Because the world's becoming a big village, wherever you are, wherever you study is no longer a matter. Why do people concern about the brain drain? The youth, they are young, they are dynamic and energetic, so they have the right to explore the world as they want. Students! As long as your heart are here, just go, you will also contribute to this land, even greater than us. " During that conversation, he repeated Vietnam as a member of globalization, and young people as global citizens... My siblings and I were deeply truly touched about that.

If you were me, you would understand how those words were significant to me. Even our teachers hadn't told us like that. I had been seeking myself, seeking my dream, seeking my courage for a long long time. It was the first time I had a strong faith in myself, in my future, in my life. Now I understand that these days, distance has no meaning, and dreams and passions have no limit. If people say Mr.Dang is a living example of the resilience of the American dream, I say I will be an example of Vietnam dream one day. Because my dream is to be a professional PR, I will follow his steps in some ways, introducing the essences of Vietnam to the world, connecting my homeland to other nations, doing the mission as a global citizen. It may be extremely challenging I know, but I absolutely I can do it if I am trained and educated in an academic and advanced enviroment. I desire, hanker and yearn with all my heart to learn, to explore the world in a worderful academic enviroment as US unversities, especially in a friendly campus like Pepperdine's. I usually have restless nights thinking seriously about the first project I will do after graduation. Perharps you think it impossible or something like that, I want to challenge myself by the project introducing my university to at least 5 milions Vietnam students, in the position of a graduated student. Because dreams are free, I am doing my best to make it come true. Writing this essay is my first step to reach the top. That day's not so far.
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