Undergraduate / 'the death of my grandmother when i was twelve' - Common App significant event [3]

I like where this is going, but perhaps you could focus more on how your grandmother has made you stronger. One guy in college talked to me about essays, and he says that people who read them might think an applicant is emotionally unstable, you know what I mean? And I understand how terrible it is to lose a grandmother. I'm not saying that is what you're doing, but if you read through and you think it sounds too "woe is me", then you should alter it. I hope that made sense!!

Otherwise, a job well done, and make sure your tenses are constant! xoxo

Undergraduate / UVA Supplement- Secretly Like Ghost Adventures. [5]

Thanks all of you who helped me! This is what I ended up with

Cuddled in blankets, and alone in the house, my heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute. My eyes were glued to the television as I watched three young men wander an old abandoned house with nothing but night vision cameras, hints of fear, and a hope to expose paranormal activity. With each passing scene and camera transition, I was further drawn into these "ghostly adventures"-part guilty pleasure, part "Scooby Doo". I was hooked! Before I knew it, I had watched a full marathon of 10 such episodes of the Ghost Adventures series on Travel Channel. I couldn't tell what grabbed me-whether it was the background story of the location they explored, the adrenaline rush that came over me, or the hilarious facial expressions of the fearful camera guy. Whatever it was, it definitely grabbed my attention, something many people don't know about me, and something I knew I wouldn't readily admit.

Even though I know that the Ghost Adventures program is mostly staged, I still cannot help but imagine what such experiences could actually be like. While I secretly harbor a sense that ghosts and demons might truly exist, I am not vocal about it; not because I am embarrassed, but mostly because it never comes up in conversation. No matter, for now it's safe to just enjoy the rush of excitement, curiosity, and fun it provides, like most such stories.

Undergraduate / VCU: Pg. 87 Autobiography - 'I have changed immensely' [2]

What kind of challenges? You could say something like "Whether ______ or ________, I have come across some obstacles, blablabla" does that make sense?
Maybe you should focus on a specific instance every year that shows a specific instance of how you struggled. I have learned while writing essays, it's best if you relate all your ideas to one specific story. Otherwise, it's well written, and I can definitely agree with you.

Undergraduate / 'good mystery' - Describe something you secretly like but pretend not to [3]

yungmoni
what a wonderful reply! thanks so much. I will definitely have to link you to my draft, almost done!
And, I think right now I am going to more link it to Nancy drew computer games.