Undergraduate / 'determination and perseverance' - critique my Michigan State essay [5]

Michigan State University recognizes that an assortment of interests, viewpoints, and life experiences are important in student learning and enhance the university community. Describe an experience, passion, or characteristic that illustrates what you would contribute to the MSU community and how this will add to the overall richness of campus life.

If my friends and family were asked how to describe me, they would most likely point out my determination and positive work ethic in the classroom and on the field. There has been one vivid experience in my high school career that has not only tested my determination and work ethic, but also my morale. In my sophomore year, I was diagnosed with a severe case of mononucleosis. This disease caused me to miss school very often throughout the entire year and really hindered my normally positive work ethic and determination. Mono made me miss many of my assignments and I even risked the possibility of failing several classes. Some would give up when faced with this kind of adversity, but I remained adamant to make the best out of this situation. I frequently got in touch with my teachers via email and had they send me my missed assignments, I also became heavily reliant on my peers to help me with my missed work. Through all this work, I was able to salvage B's and C's on my report card. Although several C's on a report card may not seem like adequate grades to most colleges, I viewed these grades as a moral victory that showcased just how hard I worked to overcome this illness. I believe that I would thrive at Michigan State University because I possess many qualities that are neccessary in becoming a successful student. Michigan State would not only be able to heighten my intellectual ability, but also be able to teach necessary social skills and traits that are essential in today's workforce. With a campus this diverse, I would have the opportunity to befriend and meet people from all corners of the world and work with people who share totally different beliefs and traditions than me. To Michigan State, I will bring with me the belief that hard-work is essential for developing moral character. I plan on having this attitude not only influence others, but also rub off on them too. These traits such as determination and perseverance would not only allow me to contribute to the student body of Michigan State, but also excel as a student.

Please be as harsh as possible if you could!

Undergraduate / 'the death of my grandmother when i was twelve' - Common App significant event [3]

Prompt:Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

Easily the most significant and difficult experience that I have had to deal with in my relatively short life was the death of my grandmother when I was twelve years old; everything happening so quickly and unexpectedly makes this the most vivid memory of my entire life. In my opinion, my grandmother was probably the most influential person I had ever gotten the privilege to know. She was pretty much a second mother to me; always taking care of me and my younger brother whenever my parents were at work by feeding us, tending to us when we were sick, helping us with our homework, and teaching us valuable life lessons such as generosity, respect, and honesty. These lessons are a large part of what makes me the well-rounded young man that I am today, and I can thank my grandmother for that My grandmother's success in life was credited to self-reliance and her natural ability to help others unconditionally. I want to be able to follow in her footsteps by sharing the same qualities that she possessed. Whether it is academically or athletically, I always strive to be a dependable and hard-working young man that can be relied on to give his best effort to help anyone at any given moment. If my grandmother were alive today, I feel that she would approve of the young man that she helped develop. Her death has impacted me by giving me the realization that life is not guarantee, it can end so abruptly at any particular moment without any sort of warning if and when it will happen. This realization has inspired me to live life to the fullest with no regrets and give my best effort in the classroom and on the playing field because certain opportunities will never happen again. It also inspires me to not put harmful substances like alcohol or other drugs into my body because I want to live a healthy lifestyle that can enable me to live longer. I also try to be as much as a positive influence as I can be to friends, peers, classmates, and teammates by showing respect and intensity in a confident manner. This mindset on life is something that my grandmother would hold near and dear to her, and she would also want me to follow that mentality throughout my life, which I feel that I am doing to the best of my ability.

Without the guidance of my grandmother, I would be a shell of what I am today. I would not have the same work ethic that I have now, and I also feel that I would have a lesser appreciation of life. I have her to thank as I prepare to graduate high school and progress into a young man. I don't want to be remembered for simply being related to my grandmother, I want to be remembered for my achievements and qualities that were directly or indirectly influenced by my grandmother.

I feel that I am trying too hard on this