Undergraduate / University of California Transfer Personal Statement -The anatomy lab [3]

Hello,
this is my personal statement for UC transfer application answering prompt #2. I would like to have critical feedback and grammar check.
Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

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The anatomy lab was different on that day. There were shiny golden boxes stacked in shape of a pyramid in front of the entrance; veins and ropes were hung all over the ceiling while the walls were covered with Egyptian hieroglyphics; the counters were full of exhibition species; the cabinet at the corner was transformed to a stone tomb with a treasure chest inside. It was no longer a boring lab for college students only - it was for the kids then. Science Night, an annual science exhibition cooperated by faculty members and students on campus and dedicated to the kids in the community in pursuit of encouraging their love in science, has been the biggest and most popular event for years. I was the designer of the anatomy lab that time.

Every year our student organization always decorates the anatomy lab for this event; as a vice president with full of creative ideas, I became the person in charge of it. Although being a biology-major student, my love in design never stops. Realizing the need of attraction to the kids, I constructed the excavation of an ancient tomb theme for the lab. For a month, I worked from sketching, looking for materials, designing game and riddles for prizes, to organizing work for volunteers on the day of the event. My idea of using hieroglyphics as riddles for the kids was a success: the exhibition species' name was written in hieroglyphics and they had to decipher with a giving key sheet for prizes in the treasure chest. The kids had to decipher the riddles, find the correct species on the counter and turn in their answer to the guards at the stone tomb. The anatomy lab became the most crowded place during Science Night, as the kids enjoyed the decoration and participated in deciphering the hieroglyphics for prizes; they felt like they were doing a real excavation. It was a strike. More than 300 kids and their parents visited the anatomy lab as we ran out of the decipher sheets on that night. The feedback from faculty members and community was excellent as they said we should keep the theme every year from then.

Looking at the happy faces of the kids after they deciphered the riddles, even though I was exhausted, I felt so happy and proud of my work. With my creativity, I brought the joy and passion in exploring science to the kids. It was a chance for me not only to demonstrate my ability in design, but also to contribute my work to the community. Perhaps one day these kids will grow up, become college students and do my work in passing the passion of exploring science to the next generation.

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Thank you very much!

Undergraduate / 'A pre-health student organization' - University of California Transfer [4]

Hello, I am working on UC transfer personal statement and I would like to have some critical and grammatical error feedback.
This is prompt #1:
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field ï such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities ï and what you have gained from your involvement.

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I started off my college life at a half-way-around-the-world place from my home, without any idea what I should study ï I was an international, undecided-major student back then. I felt lost. Following my instinct, I picked some general classes in the first semester; one of them was a biology class. Although it was an introductory biology, I found interest in that class. It was totally different from high school as I had many practical experiments in lab to support the lecture. The more I spent time in the lab, the more I felt excited about biology.

After that semester, I decided to take an advanced biology class: cell/molecular biology. With an in-depth study in cell structures and function, bacteria, molecular level organisms and applied bioengineering, I was even more fascinated with biology ï especially bioengineering. I spent hours researching bacterial study and bioengineering after school. The more articles and journals I read, the more enthusiastic I became about bioengineering. Lab was my favorite time of the week; I spent more time in learning and practicing the lab techniques. I took advantage of office hour every week to ask further questions about lecture and lab reports. No wonder bioengineering became my real passion in life; I enjoyed every hours in biology class. I changed my major to biology in the pursuit of transferring to a four-year university and obtaining a degree in bioengineering. I was offered to be a teaching assistant in lab the following semester; I worked four hours a week in lab preparation under the instruction of my professor, helped other students do experiments and graded parts of their lab reports. It was tremendous. This opportunity not only strengthened my knowledge and practical techniques, but also opened a vision in educational career as I felt affection for helping other students pursue their knowledge.

I joined in a pre-health student organization called Doctors of Tomorrow; I found enjoyment of working with other students on campus. I distinguished myself after the first semester and became the youngest Vice President of Internal Development. For four months, I worked non-stop from designing poster and brochure, advertising to students, organizing participants' information booths to managing volunteer work for the first ever Health Fair, an event promoting health awareness and providing health resources to students in campus. My role was significant. It turned out to be one of the biggest and most successful events that semester; our organization received excellent feedback from both faculty members and students. For the first time in my life, I explored my capacity in leadership and student services.

From being an undecided major student, I have not only found my passion in bioengineering but have also contributed my capacity to other people. Every experience that I have gone through is a precious lesson in my life. My goal upon obtaining a bachelor degree is to work on disease treatment research and to teach bioengineering in college. I want to help other students find their passion in that field of study.

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Thank you very much!