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Posts by OptimistPRIM3
Joined: Oct 28, 2012
Last Post: Oct 30, 2012
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Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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OptimistPRIM3   
Oct 30, 2012
Undergraduate / MIT short answers; I'm Asian/ my interest in coding/ my mentality [14]

I thought your essays were pretty interesting since I am interested in Electricl Engineering and I once had a neopets account too haha. If you're able to elicit more meaning out of the "bird-house painting" than the "quote" essay, then go for it. The quote essay did have meaning and insight to it. I thought you could go farther to explain on the impact of what you absorb from the quotes is on you. That's just my opinion though. Good luck!
OptimistPRIM3   
Oct 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Stanford- Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you. [3]

Hey, Overall, it's a good essay, except for a few grammar errors and wording issues. "In advance, I warn you that I love to sing..." change this to "I would like to caution you about my love for singing. Unfortunately, it's horrible, so... you will have to deal with my poor emulations of Beyonce." ...something of the sort. "I wildly dance when I'm angry or stressed because since I am also awful at dancing" change "because" to "and". "an angry mother who is about to eat you alive" change "you" to "me". the sentence right after, erase "but" and put "for so long" right before the comma. Make a transition between staying in and the reality shows sentence by just putting "and" between them. Change "Ia am an attentive listener and loyal" to "I am loyal, and I am an attentive listener." Also elaborate on those qualities. Do more 'show' than 'tell'. Also change "I am a stron believer of karma" to "I strongly believe in karma." It has a good subject, and if you fix the few errors and work on your transitions, you'll do great :) good luck!
OptimistPRIM3   
Oct 29, 2012
Undergraduate / "The Dam" - Stanford CommonApp Essay #1 [6]

I thought it was a really good essay except for a few ambiguities: "The whole experience *really disgusted me.". I also feel like you could have a better transition from the whle project to the engineer part, probably where you say "...and the creatures in it..." That's just my thoughts on it. I'm a highschooler just like you so don't lean on my word. Otherwise, it was really good :)
OptimistPRIM3   
Oct 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Upward' - Common App: Write about an extracurricular (1000 characters) [5]

It's a really insightful essay and has a good spectrum of the impact of Upward Basketball and your role as a referee. However, I thought it'd be even better if you elaborated on how giving second chances is your favorite part just a little more. It's just my opinion though. Besides that, it's really good :)

Could you please read my Stanford roommate letter and provide feedback? Thanks.
OptimistPRIM3   
Oct 28, 2012
Undergraduate / UChicago "Tell us about your favorite.." Essay [5]

I like the development throughout the essay from what the music does to how it makes you feel. I was thinking you could maybe talk more about the you part, for example from where you say, "This emotional ability..." Otherwise, it's a really good essay.
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