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Posts by ericramon
Joined: Oct 29, 2012
Last Post: Nov 3, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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ericramon   
Nov 3, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Trip of a lifetime to Japan' - essay [3]

This past summer, I took the trip of a lifetime. I lived in Japan with a Japanese family for six weeks. I became so close with this family in just the six short weeks I spent with them. I had no idea what I was going to encounter on my trip before I left; there were also many hardships included in this experience, but I gained more from this trip than I could ever imagine.

I had to leave so many of my friends behind during the summer. This was the summer before my senior year, and was supposed to be one of the best summers ever. I also was supposed to train for the football season, so I had to leave my team behind as well. This is my last year playing football, and to leave my team behind was heartbreaking. It was almost as if I was letting the team down. However, I talked to my friends, family, teammates, and coach, and they all encouraged me to go since this was a once in a lifetime experience. So I prepared for weeks; I had to buy clothes, study the culture, and get mentally prepared for the change I was about to endure.

Finally the time came for me to leave, and it was a very emotional day for the family. The airport worker let my mom come to the terminal just so she could watch me board the plane. The first few days, I went to University of California at Berkley to learn more about the Japanese culture. After that it was off to Japan. I remember my host family picking me up from to airport. I was so nervous when I met the family that was going to live with for the next six weeks of my life. The first two weeks was the hardest. I was not accustomed to my life yet, and the young kids I was living with were not accustomed to me yet. I missed my family and friends, and was thinking that the trip was a bad idea. I only talked to my parents for a total of twelve minutes the first two weeks. At school, there were only two people that I could actually talk to. I was lonely, and just wanted to come back home.

As time went on, the family warmed up to me, and I felt more at home there. The kids in my home truly looked at me like a brother, and I looked at them like my siblings. I even did house chores, and took care of the kids while the parents were not at home. The family really trusted me and took me in as one of treated me as one of the family members. My grandparents even saw me as one of the grandchildren. They bought gifts for me when they went to Tokyo, and took me to Kyoto, which was Japan's first capital. I loved the family, and I actually see them as my own family. The hardest part of the whole trip was when I had to leave. I had grown so close to the family, and then I just had to leave. The hardest thing about it was knowing that I might not ever see them again.

Going on this trip was a huge risk; I had no idea what I was going to encounter with this trip. This trip taught me how lucky we are to live in America. There is so much that we take for granted that others would not dare of doing. This trip gave me more than that though, because I gained more than I could have ever imagined before I went on this trip. I gained life experiences, friends, and most of all, another family.
ericramon   
Nov 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / capital punishment is a brustal decision and should be abolished? [2]

Honestly, this essay is not very convincing. I stand with you, but if I didn't, then this would not really change my mind. Try giving examples of a killer that killed again after being released from prison. Or maybe give stats on how much the average prisoners costs the government per year. Put more arguments into the essay
ericramon   
Oct 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Texas A&M entrance essay - my grandfather is one of the most interesting people [2]

MY essay prompt is as follows: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

This is my essay. Please make corrections or suggestions to make my essay better

When I think of people that have the greatest impacts in my life, a few people come to mind: my mother, my father, my uncle, and my grandfather, but I chose my grandfather because he is one of the most interesting people that I know, and he had to overcome many obstacles in his life. He came from the most humble beginnings, and successfully raised seven kids. All of his life he has been fighting adversities. The things the he has overcome show me that I can overcome anything that is thrown my way.

His story starts before he was even born, in early 1928. His mother walked from Monterrey, Mexico to San Antonio, Texas, to escape her abusive husband. She not only made this long trek, but made it while she was pregnant with my grandfather. When my grandfather was about three, she met and married the man that would raise and take care of my grandfather while he was growing up. His life was not easy while he was growing up. He had to drop out of school before the third grade, and start washing dishes to help his family. When he was fifteen, he and his father had to be migrant workers, so that the rest of the family can survive. He had to go for two years without seeing his mother, but did it because he loves and cares about his family.

In the 1950's he was in the army, and had to serve in the Korean War. This changed his life, and the way he looks at the world. Even though he had to work for everything he has, he considers himself so lucky because of the things he saw in Korea. He knows that people in America are truly blessed because of the opportunities they are given. He realized that if these people that are put through hell, and still find a reason to live, then he can take what he has and find a reason to have a great life.

When he finally settled down in Corpus Christi, Texas, he was married and had two kids. After eight years of marriage, she passed away, but my grandfather did not let it affect him and his children. He moved on and kept the family moving. Two years after his first wife passed away, he married his second wife who would give him six more children. While he was raising his children, he had to take a job as a truck driver in order to give his children the best opportunity to thrive. Sadly, on October 10th, 1986, his wife passed away from heart disease. He still had one child still at home, so he could not just shut down like many people do after a spouse passes away. He kept driving and did not retire until 1991.

As I was growing up, my grandfather was always a big part of my life. When I was three and four, he lived with us and would take me to Church every Sunday. He is the main reason that I go to church every Sunday. He showed my parents the St. Pius X parish, and that is where I started to grow and become the person I am today. My grandfather is a great role model, and he continues to be a huge part of my life.
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