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Posts by collegebound123
Joined: Oct 30, 2012
Last Post: Nov 3, 2012
Threads: 1
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collegebound123   
Nov 3, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Hyde Park and My Dream' - Why UChicago [4]

i really like how you used a poem to answer the prompt and im sure it will be quite refreshing for the admission officers. however, you might want to cut the poem short because i was sort of struggling to finish the whole thing near the end. but overall a good idea :)
collegebound123   
Nov 1, 2012
Undergraduate / Harry Potter / Hunger Games - My University of Chicago Supplement essay [11]

I really like the tone of your essay- its casual and friendly :)

However, I wish you could use another word instead of "for" in these sentences (maybe replace it with "because"):

1. Favorite books? Hmmm. There isn't a specific one in particular, for I look at a very wide range of genres.
2. Now I wish to have a Mr. Darcy in my life, for he is my favorite character, next to Mr. Rochester!!!

Please help critique mine!! I will love you forever :) Thanks ^___^
collegebound123   
Nov 1, 2012
Undergraduate / "A straight-A Student"-Stanford Supplement Letter to your roommate [4]

To me the first sentence makes you seem like you are a bit narcissistic. However, your paragraph made me change my mind and I really love how you phrased your sentences. Your grammar seems fine and your whole structure is quite organized-which is great!

My favourite part of the essay is the Justin Bieber bit- I know there's a lot of hate directed towards him, so I admire your bravery for stating it in your essay. I must also commend you for integrating JB's song titles/lyrics into the essay.

Overall, I really really enjoyed your essay, so good luck on your application! :D

P.S please critique my essay for me! >< THANKS :D
collegebound123   
Oct 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Cornell Hotel School Supplement Essay; 'captivated by the glamorous hotel life' [2]

Thank you so much!! :)

Prompt: What work and non-work experiences, academic interests, and career goals influenced your decision to study hospitality management? How will these contribute to your success at the School of Hotel Administration?

The first thing I noticed as I stepped through the revolving doors of Galaxy Hotel in Macau was an extravagant waterfall of shimmering crystals that glowed in a beautiful rainbow of colors. Entranced by the splendor, I walked straight into a glass door. With a sharp cry I stepped back, face red with embarrassment and glared daggers at the door. This was one of my memorable experiences in a hotel.

Ever since I was young, I have always been captivated by the glamorous hotel life. However, as with other things in life, there will always be blood, sweat and tears behind all the world of glitz and glam. I believe that in order to succeed in this industry, leadership, organizational and problem-solving skills are required. This is quite similar to my experience as a committee member for Global Issues Network Conference Hong Kong. Being one of the conference coordinators was a huge commitment- while I juggled with the endless piles of schoolwork and college applications, I still volunteered to stay after school a few days a week to draft proposals for school annual funds, write to companies for sponsorships and contact charities organizations for service trips. Despite a few small crises and numerous hectic phone calls, the conference managed to end on a perfect note. Organizing this conference not only taught me how to manage finances, draft proposals and communicate with other people; it also taught me the importance of team work. Without the cooperation of the different departments, the conference would not have been as successful. This experience has allowed me to enhance my social, management, planning and quick-thinking skills critical to the hospitality industry.

By chance I recently came across a blog written by a Cornell Hotelie Jenna Bromberg and have since been an avid follower of her blog. I was inspired by Jenna's daily anecdotes of student life at Cornell, especially her summer internship on the Plaza Hotel project at Great Performances, one of New York City's most reputable catering and special events companies. Jenna not only had the opportunity to be involved with different departments in the company, she was also able to interact with lots of high-end clients. Jenna's experience pointed out to me that this was just one of the many opportunities Cornell provides. Similar to Jenna's internship, Cornell's Hotel Leadership Development Program also allows students to explore different departments at the Statler Hotel. Being exposed to so many different branches, students can delve in a variety of skills and find where their true interests lie. Cornell School of Hotel Administration will enable me to acquire a wide range of skills, meet lots of different people and most importantly, gain invaluable experiences. Perhaps I might also be lucky enough to have more pleasant memories of the hotel industry other than slamming into glass doors.
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