Undergraduate / Personal Statement University of California Prompt #1 EECS Computer Science [2]

I might have gotten to this essay too late--sorry if that's the case.
It's hard not to check the grammar. You have a lot of things to say, but English is probably very different from your native language, and you have some difficulty getting your ideas across. Make sure you have a grammar Nazi revise your final draft.

About the content:
I would try to avoid mentioning pirating software!
A lot of your essay talks about your experiences at home with computers. Dedicate more of this piece to your experiences "in the field" (you mentioned classes you took). Did you work anywhere or for anybody? Any unusual activities? Don't go through your entire life's experiences with computers--select some that affected you the most and delve into those.

Your conclusion is good. You want to improve technology, something that helps peoples' lives. Bring this into the rest of your essay.

Undergraduate / Georgetown University Creative Application Essay [4]

You chose a good topic to write about, and this essay has a lot of potential to be great. However, your essay is mostly tell and not enough show. Start off with a more captivating introduction, something that will make the admissions officer want to read on. Also, I see a lot of phrases being repeated throughout this essay-- specifically "try one" and "try making." This repetition and the objective way you describe some things makes parts of the essay bland and hard to get through (like oatmeal!). I want to see more sentences that sound like this: "I had defeated the infamous macaron"

I do like the way you connect this baking experience with how you are as a person. It shows consistency and tells Georgetown what you do outside of school.

Undergraduate / 'Hyde Park and My Dream' - Why UChicago [4]

It's interesting that you decided to answer this in the form of a poem. I'm sure the admissions officers will appreciate it, but it's easy for something like this to go sour. Anyway, this is a well-flowing and artistic piece. My worry is that it doesn't fully address the prompt, specifically how UChicago satisfies "your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future." It is only in the 4th stanza that you try to answer the question they asked! Clearly, you are looking for insightful classes, an orchestra, freedom in course selection, and poetry class. This addresses the "particular kind of learning." What about community and future? I think you talk too much about your burning desire to go to this school, and not enough about why.

Also, these things:
"Deep and away from me
You have prospered and grown" - this sounds kind of evil
overflowth - overflowed would work fine, but I'm not too big on poetry

Undergraduate / "What I Thought Would Kill Me Made Me Stronger" - Fordham U. Personal Statement [4]

Great introduction. Your first sentences draw the reader in.
I do agree with Faye2210 in that a few of your word choices seem a little forced, like they came from the thesaurus (acting pugnaciously). It's a fine line between using more descriptive words and sounding arbitrary. Mostly, though I think you tackled that well.

Also, you can shorten some of your longer sentences or split them up into multiple ones.
If you're not really up to the word limit yet, I would consider being more detailed about how you grew from being homeschooled. Maybe you can add in a short anecdote or two and link that with a trait you developed.

Here are some corrections and answers to your questions:
...and in the next: a lost "student" with no direction...
grew to appreciate -> had grown to appreciate
[another word for chose, I already used it above] - decided
[wrong tense?] - know is correct
[nor vs. or] - or
...last year of homeschool and even thought - thought should be though
capitalize Google and Youtube