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Posts by NRessay
Joined: Nov 22, 2012
Last Post: Dec 24, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  
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From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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Dec 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Magical Girl Warrior; Sailor moon essay [7]

I don't watch the show, but you should just bring out more of your personality in your essay if that's what you're trying to do.
Dec 16, 2012
Essays / Essay over who was really mad in Hamlet! [4]

Horatio deliberates matters through thoroughly, probably because he is a scholar. Hamlet is more impulsive, but even he, as the plot shows, is quite brilliant. Horatio is not as "in-action" as Hamlet, so he has the time to think things through. Hamlet, being the protagonist, is the center of conflict, so he does not have nearly as much time. You must remember that they are very alike, though, which is why they are best friends.
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App - "juggling is a form of communication" [2]

PROMPT: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below.

I made two versions of the same essay, please correct and tell me which one is better!

Bruno's Nightmare, Rubenstein's Revenge, and Burke's Barrage may seem like aggressive terms, but they are all just a few tricks I use in juggling. The actual skill is just as quirky as the names of its tricks. There are really no boundaries because one could take a trick and do it in many different ways, or create a new trick altogether. For example, I could pass seven or more balls, clubs, or torches to someone else in a unique rhythm, while on a unicycle. Juggling requires constant attention, which, ironically, makes it a great way to relax because it gets the mind away from other problems. As long as imagination is infinite, juggling will continue to promote new ideas and ease the world.

Juggling is not just a physical skill, but rather a form of communication. The people watching me perform by the street or in theaters did not need words to enjoy it and the children who were either deaf or diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome were not deterred by any barriers when I taught them how to juggle. It unites creativity, an ability everyone has, with a nimbleness acquired from further practice.

Bruno's Nightmare, Rubenstein's Revenge, and Burke's Barrage. Juggling is just as quirky as the names of its tricks. It has no boundaries, enabling me to do feats like passing knives on a unicycle with others in different patterns. Juggling requires constant attention, which makes it a great way to not only exercise but also, ironically, relax because it gets the mind away from life's routine. As long as imagination is infinite, juggling won't stop leaving others in awe.

I think the sentence 'The people watching me perform by the street or in theaters did not need words to enjoy it and the children who were either deaf or diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome were not deterred by any barriers when I taught them how to juggle.' sounds awkward, but how do I fix it?

Thank you for your help!

Cheers ~ :)
Nov 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Moving to the States, enrolling to collage, and realizing goals' - COMMON APP Essay [3]

The reason my mother was concerned about me, because it was the day the civil war in Iraq hashad begun back in 2006.

...s in. Instead, a...

Unfortunately, I went back home safe but without it , because the store was closed
should be:
I went back home safe, but, unfortunately, without it because the store was closed.

I sat in front of my in complete desktop computer wondering "why I've I have put myself in such a dangerous situation?", thenThen I realized that I wanted to devote myself intoto the computers field when I grow up.

Those are some grammatical mistakes, but I think the idea is very good! Please review my essay if you can
Nov 22, 2012
Undergraduate / "great ocean of truth" - Essay on Sherlock Holmes's influence [4]

PROMPT:Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

I will try to go over any essays that people who review my essay have made :)

Please also tell me if I answered the prompt well or not because I do have a second Idea to go with..

As a child, I learned about people who have created musical masterpieces, scientific laws, and many incredible literary works in elementary school. Instead of having an impression of humankind's great progress, however, I felt insignificant. Most of the good discoveries must have been found and works of art completed. I simply could not find Newton's "great ocean of truth." I did not want to fade into history, so I decided I had to explain something that no one else could.

"It is my business to know what other people do not know." Not many can live up to the epitome of curiosity that Sir Doyle's fictional detective Sherlock Holmes possessed. Still a child, I perused the library for books on baffling problems that I could solve, but I instead encountered Holmes. After inspecting the pages, I decided it would be wiser to first study the process of how someone else uncovers the truth.

One book lead to another and Sherlock Holmes never ceased to amaze me. While reading the short stories and novels in which he used his aptitude to crack cases, I frequently pretended to be his companion Watson and try to keep up with his calculations. The more I followed his adventures, the more observant I tried to be. I would not skip any word in anything I read or saw because any minutiae can possibly hold a wealth of information. Holmes deduced things in a way no one else could, and I continuously challenged my mind, hoping one day to reach his expertise.

Growing up, I now realize Sherlock Holmes's methods were improbable to work in reality, but I still would not want anyone else as a childhood hero. If I looked up to Superman or Hulk, I would have spent more time trying to fly and breaking things than sharpening my acumen. Holmes showed me that there are two factors that stand between me and a discovery: the approach to the problem and the knowledge needed to understand the results. Being a chemist, Holmes clearly wanted to learn, and paired his logic with his studies to understand the things around him. As a kid, I caught onto this relationship inherent in his process and tried to be knowledgeable, thinking I would enhance my outlook if I retained more information.

Now, however, I have realized that I do not need to solve a mystery to go down in history. This world can be improved in countless ways, so the idea that everything has already been discovered could not be farther from the truth. Diseases are constantly treated, electronic devices are constantly innovated, and any study can be on the verge of a breakthrough. I intend to tackle problems in every possible way and analyze facts that others think are obvious, a procedure of finding the truth that Holmes cemented into me very well. The answers are all there, and we just need to learn how to read them. It is all just elementary.