Undergraduate / 'First job in Croatia' - Maturing from the immature: UC prompt2 [3]

I would really appreciate feedback especially on vocabulary and grammar.

UC topic 2:Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Essay:

MATURING FROM THE IMMATURE

Since I didn't want to spend my summer of 2010 in ennui like the last, I decided to find work. I somehow wanted to combine my two interests: travel and construction. Therefore I searched the net for a job that would fulfill my personal requirement and stumbled across a German travel organization for adolescents called "RUF Jugendreisen". I was instantly convinced, when I found out that I could work as a facility manager at camp sites all around Europe. Therefore I applied.

A few weeks later I went to the training session that would teach me all the necessary skills for the upcoming job and simultaneously serve as a form of evaluation. However, I soon found out that I wouldn't just be a maintainer and construction worker, but that I would also be a part of the entertainment group. This perplexed me. I was always rather shy and held back, and now I was asked to entertain? Nonetheless, I am not the person who gives up and I wasn't back then either, therefore I accepted the challenge. The following days I was taught how to talk in front of a group, how to entertain, how to solve disputes etc.

However, when I was asked to apply these skills myself, I failed miserably. I can still recount one experience where I was supposed to blabber for 5 minutes about how I cherished chocolate. I stuttered the whole way through and the monologue wasn't consistent at all. Even though I perceived myself as a failure, my counselors somehow seemed to believe in me, and I passed the "training session".

My initial job took me to Croatia. The first thing that I was asked to do when I arrived at the camp after a 20 hour bus ride, together with our young guests, was to perform in front of a tired, agitated and bored group of youngsters. Once more I was very nervous and intimated, which was resembled in my speech. I earned disagreement and furtive giggles from the audience.

Nonetheless, the anxiety of speaking in front of a crowd slowly subsided. I got better and better with each stage performance. When I worked near Rome the following year, I was already able to get a crowd to dance along with me, a huge personal success.

Working for RUF was one of the most inspiring experiences in my life. As harsh and strenuous as pubescent kids can sometimes be, I think there is no other group of people that would give you a more frank response of whether they like or detest something about you. I didn't just get to know the most interesting, most open minded people, but I also got to know how important some character traits are. I learned that sometimes it helps to smile, even though I don't feel like smiling. I also got to know how important first impressions really are. I especially learned however how rewarding it can be to push myself to overcome obstacles and personal fears.

Undergraduate / 'Grew up on a small farm' - UC 1; Reaching for the top branch [4]

Hi
I would really appreciate feedback. My first language isn't english so
I would also be very appreciative of corrections on vocabulary and grammar.

I would be glad to also read your essays if you give me some feedback. Thanks!

UC promt 1:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Essay:

Reaching for the top branch

I grew up on a small farm which belonged to my grandparents, two hard working individuals. Even though constantly engaged in projects they never seemed to get tired of their labor. They did everything with ardor: whether it was harvesting fields, picking fruits, repairing farm devices or even building or renovating houses. They weren't just great at construction, maintenance or repair, but also at improvisation.

I can still recall that vivid image in my mind when my grandfather, "Opa" as I called him, was trying to get to that top branch of the cherry tree in his backyard. The tree was about 40 feet high and his ladder just about 35. "Opa" thought for a minute and then disappeared. He rummaged in the basement a bit and came back with some utensils. Five minutes later a wiggly, old table stood in front of him, a chair on top, which was vertically extended by a bucket. The bucket served as support for the last bar of his ladder. Soon he dangled in midair trying to grasp the last fruits before the birds would get them. While I was astonished t by this creative solution, people walking by were perplexed by this craziness.

Soon I myself became inspired by the adroitness and creativity of my grandparents and started to implement my own ideas. When I was six I built my first tree house with a balcony and an elevator. Other projects followed like bow and arrows, traps, catapults, shelves or small wooden hideouts, where I often spent hours and even days/nights.

The farm soon became a paradise for me. All the materials and equipment that I needed were available to me, much to the despair of my grandfather whose precious wood was soon diminished. I would spend hours in the dusty barn, with the machines and tools, to draw plans and try to implement them.

The farm was a great place to grow up. It wasn't just a place where my interest to once become an engineer was sparked, but it was also a place of creativity. I had the possibility to give my personal ideas a shape and form. Furthermore it was a place that provided me with a toolkit for life. It showed me that with a little bit of passion, vigor and sense of improvisation about anything can be achieved, whether it's related to mechanical problems or 'problems of reality' and that sometimes it can be worth to go through some struggles in order to reach that top branch of that cherry tree.

Undergraduate / 'goals that aren't yours' - UC prompt: where you come from [2]

Topic: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I would appreciate any critique (preferably negative); also critique on vocabulary and grammar is highly appreciated (My first language isn't english)

ESSAY:

As long as I can remember I strived to excel. If you would ask me why, I couldn't give you a definite answer. Maybe the desire of my single raising mother for me to once live a better, more fortunate life was my drive to succeed scholastically. Maybe it was the desire to impress my dad, who I rarely saw, that made me work hard. Maybe it was the drive of superiority over others that gave me this motivation. Maybe it was the willingness to once earn as much money as I could ever possibly spend that pushed me. Maybe it was a combination of these things or maybe something completely different.

I just know whatever my motivation before I lived in the US (2003 -2005) was to do well in school and in other aspects of life, became a concomitant of the determination to go back to the States, after I lived there for 2 years with my mom and was forced to return to Austria, my country of citizenship, because of an expired visa. I worked harder than anybody that I know of and was probably engaged in more extracurricular activities than most other students to pave my way into college acceptance in the States, my personal "ticket back home". To obtain "my ticket" I was willing to do about anything and to sacrifice about anything. I gave up a great portion of my social life, cut back on personal interests and was compliant to the opinions of others, and I succeeded academically.

After high school I had to complete the mandatory military service. This was one of the most difficult times of my life, but one of the most shaping as well. From the second day in the army I was stationed in the hospital, because of what then was thought of an influence. However, as the flu didn't pass, the doctors were perplexed. I was told that the symptoms that I had might indicate Hepatitis, HIV or a malign form of lymphocytic cancer. The following weeks, until I got the final diagnosis, were daunting. I was prepared for the worst and already depicted how I would spend my last months. In the end it miraculously turned out to "just" be Mono, what a relief.

The following weeks as I was freed from many duties in the military, I had a lot of time to ponder. It became the most philosophical part of my life up to now. I was confronted with a lot of questions relating to my personal past and future and especially with the question: What if it wouldn't have been mono? These couple of months of philosophizing contributed a great portion to my attitude and way that I look at life currently.

As I understand the world for myself today, money isn't as important. I have learned to cope with inferior materialistic circumstances when I was in the military or when I worked at a camp as a travel guide for several weeks and found it not to be a burden but sometimes even a relief. I believe it is more important to pursue your personal interests and to do what you love to do.

I believe it's not worth spending your life engaging in goals that aren't yours and yielding to beliefs of others (if circumstances don't demand it). It's not worth giving up dreams, because of those who don't believe in you or because other options might be easier. It's not worth looking back at your life one day and regretting it. It's not worth not being an impact. It's not worth being forgotten one day. It's not worth not enjoying every single day in life as if it would be the last, because one day it certainly will.