Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by mikiibee [Suspended]
Joined: Nov 27, 2012
Last Post: Dec 3, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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mikiibee   
Nov 30, 2012
Undergraduate / My family's struggle with Immigration - A&M Essay Topic B [2]

Okay so here is my second essay, Topic B. I would really appreciate some feedback, and I was also wondering, do you think it fully answers the question? And also, does it seem too short? I feel as if I have gotten my point across, so I do not want to write or add anymore just so it could seem longer. I would rather it be short and to the point, then too wordy and off-topic. Anyway, any feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Immigration has, is, and always will be an issue for the United States. It also has, is, and always will be an issue for me, as well. While our country fights for tighter control of the border, my father and I fight to legally bring him to America in order to attend my graduation. When I walk across the stage of my graduation in just a few short months, I will be looking out to see my friends, my mother, and an empty seat where my father belongs. Naturally, it should be one of my proudest moments, but I cannot look past the idea that although my mother will be there, my father who has taken such great pride in me, will not attend. The thought that my own father will have to miss one of the most important milestone markers in my life nearly breaks my heart.

Just a few years after the divorce of my parents, my father got deported back to his country of Mexico. I was only five years old. I visit my father during holiday breaks, and we also keep in touch through social media. However, it is not nearly the same as a face to face conversation. My father has missed out on a huge part of my life because of his deportation. I know he deeply regrets the mistakes in his past, and tries to make up for it any chance he gets. He wasn't able to contribute financially to my mother because the value of the money he made in pesos converted to American Dollars was close to nothing. In order to travel as a tourist, a person needs to prove that they are financially secure. The requirements to obtain a visa, involves a long trip to another state which requires money among a long list of other requirements. Many travelers get discouraged to make such a trip because only a small percentage of people who apply are actually granted a visa. If you have a deportation on file, it is almost impossible to get a visa.

As my father continues to fight to be a part of my life, I will look forward to when I turn 21 and have the means help my father arrange his immigration status. Although I understand the need for immigration reform, I feel that the United States does not take into account the many families that they tear apart, leaving many young Hispanic children without fathers or mothers. Consequently, many young Hispanics grow up in broken homes without a strong family support system, which in turn, allows them to become high school drop outs, young pregnant teens, or other troubled young adults. It is hard to grow up with only one parent and although there is no excuse to fail, it makes it that much harder to succeed.
mikiibee   
Nov 27, 2012
Undergraduate / UC --Cross Country Mayhem and Major Drama Biology [3]

I agree with peanut, I hear religion and politics are a little iffy to add into your essay. I would say to leave God out of it just to be safe. Other than that, it sounds great. I especially like your last paragraph. I could not agree more, I've been the same with my majors. Can't decide what I want to do. One day I want to be a pastry chef, then the next I want to be a psychiatrist. It's hard to choose when we're still so young, I feel.. I like how you worded your incisiveness? Not sure what the word is, maybe not indecisive rapidly changing? Oh well. Great essay as I said before!
mikiibee   
Nov 27, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Telok Pulai' - UC essay : the world and my dreams [4]

I don't quite understand the beginning, you say this was year 7 but you are thinking of the question (which is the prompt) at the same time...

While cycling to the mart in Telok Pulai with my brother , I am thinking about this question while hanging around [my brother ]Telok PulaiOmit this, you only need to say it once while my brother begged me to take a bike ride with him to our nearest minimart to satisfy his greedy needs-a few bars of Mentos and Paddle Pop ice creams since our mom won't buy them for us. I laughed , knowing very well that we would be caught the second we got home.

Engineers learn everything. Apply. Design. Build. And then improvise from it again -- I love this line.

As well as everything else she said ^
I think its very visual and interesting, though.
mikiibee   
Nov 27, 2012
Undergraduate / 'never failed at loving me unconditionally' - UT A Someone a big impact on your life [5]

Okay, so I'm running a bit late on this essay. Three days until the deadline, I blame my procrastination but at least I'm getting to work on it now. Anyway, this is my introduction for the essay. I was told by an english teacher that my intro should be pretty lengthy, no less than 5-7 sentences. I'm adding a bit here and there, but I'm just wondering, how is this so far? Is it off-topic? I tend to lose myself in my writing, sometimes I even write as if I was speaking to another person, telling them a story.. I was just hoping to get some critique, help, maybe a few pointers on how to make it a little better? Anything is appreciated! Thanks :)

Prompt:"Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you."

Many people would say that family is the most important thing in a person's life, and yet tend to take their family members for granted. I was not given chance to appreciate nor take for granted the family I once had. With my parents separating while I was just a toddler learning to walk, I learned at a very young age that my mother would soon turn out to be the only person I would ever have to rely on. I have a vivid memory of a little girl knocking on her father's apartment for her weekend visit only to find his home empty. Though I was not aware of what this meant at the time, I soon came to understand that he was not coming back. The pain I felt for losing my father, and the wound that it left will never go away. If it were not for my mother, I would have never grown to be the mature, understanding young woman I am now. She helped me get through the loss of my father, while still she herself tried to cope with a divorce. As I grew older, she told me more things of my father and taught me to not be bitter regardless of the pain and anger I felt. The fear of abandonment grew, and I was terrified of one day, losing my mother as well. Of the many people that have come in and out of my life, my mother has been alongside me for all of my 17 years of existence. She has never failed at loving me unconditionally, and I am grateful for each and every bit of love I receive.
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