Okay, so I'm running a bit late on this essay. Three days until the deadline, I blame my procrastination but at least I'm getting to work on it now. Anyway, this is my introduction for the essay. I was told by an english teacher that my intro should be pretty lengthy, no less than 5-7 sentences. I'm adding a bit here and there, but I'm just wondering, how is this so far? Is it off-topic? I tend to lose myself in my writing, sometimes I even write as if I was speaking to another person, telling them a story.. I was just hoping to get some critique, help, maybe a few pointers on how to make it a little better? Anything is appreciated! Thanks :)
Prompt:"Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you."
Many people would say that family is the most important thing in a person's life, and yet tend to take their family members for granted. I was not given chance to appreciate nor take for granted the family I once had. With my parents separating while I was just a toddler learning to walk, I learned at a very young age that my mother would soon turn out to be the only person I would ever have to rely on. I have a vivid memory of a little girl knocking on her father's apartment for her weekend visit only to find his home empty. Though I was not aware of what this meant at the time, I soon came to understand that he was not coming back. The pain I felt for losing my father, and the wound that it left will never go away. If it were not for my mother, I would have never grown to be the mature, understanding young woman I am now. She helped me get through the loss of my father, while still she herself tried to cope with a divorce. As I grew older, she told me more things of my father and taught me to not be bitter regardless of the pain and anger I felt. The fear of abandonment grew, and I was terrified of one day, losing my mother as well. Of the many people that have come in and out of my life, my mother has been alongside me for all of my 17 years of existence. She has never failed at loving me unconditionally, and I am grateful for each and every bit of love I receive.
You seem to be staying on topic, but here are some grammatical things I would change:
Many people would say that family is the most important thing in a person's life, and yet people tend to take their family members for granted. I was not given a chance to appreciate, nor take for granted, the family I once had. With My parents separatingion while I was just a toddler learning to walk I learnedtaught me at a very young age that my mother would soon turn out to be the only person I would ever have to rely on. I have a vivid memory of a little girl knocking on her father's apartment for her weekend visit only to find his home empty. Though I was not aware of what thisit meant at the time, I soon came to understand that he was not coming back. The pain I felt forfrom losing my father, and the wound that it left will never go away. If it were not for my mother, I would have never grown to be the mature, understanding young woman I am now. She helped me get through the loss of my father, while still she herself triedtrying to cope with athe divorceherself . As I grew older, she told me more things ofabout my father and taught me to not be bitter regardless of the pain and anger I felt. TheMy fear of abandonment grew, and I was terrified ofthat one day, losingI would lose my mother as well. Of theThough many people that have come in and out of my life, my mother has been alongside me for all of my 17 years of of my existence. She has never failed at loving me unconditionally, and I am grateful for each and every bit of her love I receive.
This is so cute! the only thing i would try to do is add a little bit more of yourself into it. why is your family divorce story different from the thousands of other kids who will write about theirs? you made it original by telling the brief story of knocking on the door-which was really good. but i would just try to make it a little more unique. Hope this helps!
You could check out my essay too if you want. haha.
thanks for commenting on my essay. hope my suggestions helped..
I like your story , the idea is really solid and showed how great about your mother is. Maybe write more about what you could help to your mother ? As in : what you had her in your mind or promised to achieve something for her ?
thanks guys! i'll edit it asap. :)
