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Posts by chium
Joined: Nov 29, 2012
Last Post: Nov 29, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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chium   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Stop fearing the future; surrounded by doctors, lawyers and businessmen [4]

I really like how your essay explains what sets you apart from some of the rest of the applicants. It really captures your drive to pursue your passions!

Something that was confusing to me as when you started going on about your peers instead of yourself. Maybe rephrase those parts a little?
But overall very good essay! I really love the last sentence; from that one line I can really see your attitude on life!
chium   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 - The spark! - the world you come from [2]

PROMPT: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It was during spring break of my freshman year in high school. After a quarter of too many all-nighters and a week crammed with tests, I was looking forward to sleeping-in, but my dad had other plans. I was to go see my brother's robotics team compete at the Purdue Boilermaker Regional. To no one's surprise, I was not thrilled. Little did I know I would be thoroughly surprised:

Walking up to the Purdue Armory, I remember vividly the black bold outline of its industrious figure, the distinct smell of metal, burnt rubber, and sweat, and the unforgettable muffled cheers of the thousands in the crowd like that in the Ancient Greek arenas in Olympia where millennia ago, chariots raced and laurels were won. These "mere high schoolers" were champions; from a pile of metal tubes, plastic, and wires, they were able to craft a functional and complex robot. As the surrounding students cheered their teams' quirky and iconic chants, I gazed down in awe from the top of bleachers at the fierce competition that took place below. It was not the "fierce" that anybody expects for there was no malice on the field, but fierce in each team's drive to achieve their own best and to help others regardless of competition. In this regard, they were even better than those ancient Greek heroes. It was then and there, when I reached over and tapped my father on the shoulder and through a whisper of excitement and frenzy, I said, "I want to be a part of this."

This is when it all started. This was the very moment I became immersed in the world of engineering.

After that tipping point in my life, I went on to participate in robotics and engineering club for the rest of my high school career. And my burning passion for engineering only grew from there. Even now getting ready for the next build season all I can think about are learning how to CAD with Autodesk and trying to teach myself the C language. I have fallen in love with and fallen hard for the thrill of discovering something and applying everything I learn. It never matters how many hours and sleepless nights I spent working on robotics; I am always surrounded by a group of just as determined peers to find the answers to our demanding but never elusive problems. And it is because of this, this camaraderie of working in a team and this application of the engineering process; why there is and still is nothing else I could see myself doing.
chium   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Grew up on a small farm' - UC 1; Reaching for the top branch [4]

This is a really good essay!! I love the flow and organization!
Probably the only thing that I would really point out is the ending. The prompt is asking about your dreams and aspirations and I feel like you only talk a little bit about becoming an engineer in the last paragraph. My suggestion would be to talk more about it throughout your essay or even in the last paragraph.

But overall very good essay!! I don't see any grammatical errors, however I do confess that my grammar is not the best as well. I still hope my advice was helpful!
chium   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / UC#1 Application Essay ; the world you come from - growing up in a family jewelry business [3]

I think that the essay is very well written! It is very clear what your dreams and aspirations are.

I don't think your response answers the prompt very clearly.The prompt is asking about the world you come from and I find it hard to locate in your essay this aspect of the prompt. Through your personal statements, UC is trying to really figure out what you are like as a person. I know that you are very passionate about business but I don't really feel that so much from your essay. Maybe you could elaborate more on your parents and what sets you apart from the teenage girls around you. True you are going into business, but I feel like sometimes the dollar amounts make your essay seem not very personal. Make UC feel your passion! (sorry if that sounded corny)

This is just my opinion! Hope it helps!
chium   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Little did I know then the number of hardships; personal experience [3]

PROMPT: "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"

A 12 hour plane ride later, I set foot half way around the world in to what would be my home for the next year. I was comforted and petrified. Comforted by the faint, familiar smell of street vendors and cars, by the sight of pedestrians walking up and down the streets looking just like me, by the smooth sound of a cozy Taiwanese accent, and by the thought of my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents awaiting my welcome. Yet, petrified by the ever present culture barrier as an ABT (American Born Taiwanese), by the sight of an unknown environment: a bustling capital compared to the small Mid-western town that I had called home for the past 8 years, by the sound of my hopelessly poor mandarin with my thick American accent, and by the thought of making new friends being a shy and awkward nine year-old.

Little did I know then the number of hardships I would have to face in the coming year, and little did I understand then how those hurdles and experiences would have such a huge impact on my outlook on life. I remember in my grandparents' apartment the sole light shining slaving away in to the early morning working on homework that I could hardly comprehend. I remember feeling so alone trying to immerse myself in a culture that was supposedly my own. I remember the times when I cried myself to sleep thinking of all the friends and familiar comforts I left back in the U.S. And I remember when I heard the news of my great grandfather's death. However, my time in Taiwan was not concentrated in these sole frustrating and somber moments, but defined by all the periods of joy and happiness in between: the many times my mother, brother, and I would sit around the dining table laughing at our own frustrations, our own mistakes, breaking through the culture and language barrier understanding that I now had two places to call home, the memories I have with all the friends I made who cried hearing of my departure, and how I saw a family who had not seen each other for years come together in times of great sorrow.

Through these moments, I learned to embrace the situation in which you are "stuck", because you'll never get the short end of the stick. And in fact now, I strive to find these challenges and new environments and embrace the change of pace, culture, surroundings, because the experiences you gain will forever stay with you. When my father told me if I wanted to move with him to D.C. for my junior year, to his surprise I was the first to say, "where do I sign?" How could I ignore an opportunity like that, one so much like my 4th grade abroad in Taiwan? Our nation's capital filled with a myriad of different cultures, open doors, and most importantly experiences I could never find in my small town. I want to live life to its fullest. Our time on Earth is too precious and short. And I want to experience all the world has to offer.

I know its pretty bad. I think it's a little confusing and maybe my response to the prompt is not clear! Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!! Thank you so much!!!
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