henajane
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / "silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech" ; UCHICAGO SILENCE ESSAY [7]
Okay i added some things and made corrections :) Feel free to add more
Three Months
Awkward moments to gestures of reverence, "silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech." It can either be appreciated or disdained, but both carry significant intentions that last an impression on ourselves for good. Through my experiences, I realized that no matter how it leaves its impressions, the amount of time it takes is little, or in my case, three months.
Two years ago, I had an argument with my mother that would last us three months of the silent treatment. I guess the lines, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," best fit this episode of my life. It was the best of times because I realized that our conversations sparked every argument we had and I welcomed the long lost peacefulness. It was the worst of times because she was my sole provider, and things got stingy when she stopped asking what I wanted for dinner. Personally, this moment of silence was a speech of rebellion. Without communication, I was hindering our mother-daughter relationship. It was an act of rebellion because I was internally screaming for independence and refusing her wonted act of kindness. However this "talk" was cheap. What good would it do screaming internally? I was senseless because I realized that acts of rebellion led to consequences, and in my case, a severe one.
In duration of those three months, I chose to miss out on two particular events: my mother's birthday and mine. What labored from this experience was extreme guilt. For sixteen years, we had generously shared our most intimate moments and I almost gave that up in the course of three months, not to mention I lost a few pounds by living as an outsider. It was my mother's house and I became a mere stranger, living off of scraps of food I chose to eat by refusing what she offered. I could have been kicked out, but fortunately I was saved by my mother's grace. I knew I had taken everything for granted and I was burning my own bridge to someone I needed for the rest of my life. I recall having met my mother's gaze and immediately feeling the pang of guilt. How could I use silence as a weapon that not only hurt my mother, but myself as well?
By remaining silent, my intentions spoke in ways not comprehended by my actions. Silence may solve a problem, but unfortunately it did not solve mine. Silence is used only temporary, like the use of a Band-Aid. However, I used it to stop a bleeding laceration of my heart. What I actually needed was communication, and for three months of having lost its significance, I almost bled to death. I realized that communication was the bridge to a healthy relationship and I hold on to it to remind me of its significance.
Okay i added some things and made corrections :) Feel free to add more
Three Months
Awkward moments to gestures of reverence, "silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech." It can either be appreciated or disdained, but both carry significant intentions that last an impression on ourselves for good. Through my experiences, I realized that no matter how it leaves its impressions, the amount of time it takes is little, or in my case, three months.
Two years ago, I had an argument with my mother that would last us three months of the silent treatment. I guess the lines, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," best fit this episode of my life. It was the best of times because I realized that our conversations sparked every argument we had and I welcomed the long lost peacefulness. It was the worst of times because she was my sole provider, and things got stingy when she stopped asking what I wanted for dinner. Personally, this moment of silence was a speech of rebellion. Without communication, I was hindering our mother-daughter relationship. It was an act of rebellion because I was internally screaming for independence and refusing her wonted act of kindness. However this "talk" was cheap. What good would it do screaming internally? I was senseless because I realized that acts of rebellion led to consequences, and in my case, a severe one.
In duration of those three months, I chose to miss out on two particular events: my mother's birthday and mine. What labored from this experience was extreme guilt. For sixteen years, we had generously shared our most intimate moments and I almost gave that up in the course of three months, not to mention I lost a few pounds by living as an outsider. It was my mother's house and I became a mere stranger, living off of scraps of food I chose to eat by refusing what she offered. I could have been kicked out, but fortunately I was saved by my mother's grace. I knew I had taken everything for granted and I was burning my own bridge to someone I needed for the rest of my life. I recall having met my mother's gaze and immediately feeling the pang of guilt. How could I use silence as a weapon that not only hurt my mother, but myself as well?
By remaining silent, my intentions spoke in ways not comprehended by my actions. Silence may solve a problem, but unfortunately it did not solve mine. Silence is used only temporary, like the use of a Band-Aid. However, I used it to stop a bleeding laceration of my heart. What I actually needed was communication, and for three months of having lost its significance, I almost bled to death. I realized that communication was the bridge to a healthy relationship and I hold on to it to remind me of its significance.