elina855
Jan 1, 2013
elina855
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Short 1000 Characters; Olympic Games: Worth the Cost? Wake Forest Supp [9]
Wait, I don't get it, are you saying Olympics are worth it, or aren't worth it? I think you should add a "However" add the beginning of your second paragraph, for more logical flow. Or maybe I'm just not used to this type of question.
Wait, I don't get it, are you saying Olympics are worth it, or aren't worth it? I think you should add a "However" add the beginning of your second paragraph, for more logical flow. Or maybe I'm just not used to this type of question.
elina855
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Studying Abroad/ U Rice - Unique Perspective [2]
Can someone look over and see if I had shown my PERSPECTIVE? I feel like I'm lacking depth in the essay, but I don't know where I should add it.
Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title, and author at the beginning of your essay.
"Don't ever give up.
Don't ever give in.
Don't ever stop trying.
Don't ever sell out.
And if you find yourself succumbing to one of the above for a brief moment,
pick yourself up, brush yourself off, whisper a prayer, and start where you left off.
But never, ever, ever give up."
â- Richelle E. Goodrich, Eena, The Two Sisters
A. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)
Madeline bent over the sheet of white paper, earnestly practicing her Chinese characters. As her Chinese tutor, I had gone over the characters with her, marking down the order of pen strokes and writing each character's meaning. With this treasure trove of knowledge in her hands, she started replicating the characters, albeit rather slowly and ungracefully. The image of Madeline's determination suddenly reminded me of myself in middle school, learning Chinese.
I grew up in the city-state of Singapore, a junction of different ethnic groups and backgrounds. Even though I was immersed in so many cultures, I felt blank. The people around me were Malaysian, New Zealander, Australian, and Indian, just to name a few. What was I? Studying in an Australian international school, I was Chinese ethnically, but I did not speak the language, nor did I know anything about Chinese history and culture. Ironically, I understood more about Australia than I did China, so in order to combat my lack of knowledge, I moved to China when I graduated primary school.
The three years in China were the most unbearably demanding years of my life. Prepared with only basic conversational skills, and with no ability to read or write Chinese, the teachers did not want to enroll me, afraid that I would lower the class mean scores. Only after discussion did the teachers allow me to take place in the class, provided my scores were not counted.
Education in China is strenuous, even for native Chinese. Tests every month, essays every week, quizzes every day, not forgetting that classes start at 7am and end at 10 pm, I really signed up for a ride. However hard it was, I trudged along. On my first exam, I understood roughly two percent of the entire test, but thank goodness for multiple choice: I failed the test, 24 out of 100. You'd think that broke my spirit or something. Actually no, I was pretty happy I did not place last, as the class clown decided to conveniently not write his name down, scoring a zero.
Once you hit rock bottom, things can only get better from there. It was the determination not to fail that compelled me to succeed. For the next three years, I completely devoted myself to mastering Chinese. In order to prepare for a daily quiz, I started studying hours before it, memorizing characters, the order of the characters in the sentence, the punctuation, and practicing it countless times in a notebook. While other students only needed to review a few hours before a test, I was breaking my back weeks before it, struggling to retain pages of unfamiliar passages on Politics, Biology, and Classical Chinese into my brain. Many times I desired to quit, to go back home to my parents in Singapore, to escape the mental and physical strain. Then I remembered my resolve: not to fail, and somehow I could carry on. My friends and teachers were always supportive of me, so to thank them back I volunteered to tutor English every day during break time.
Hard work brings profit. By the second year of middle school I had placed first in my class of ninety students, and in my final year I was awarded "Three Best Students", an award given only to two students per class. However, the biggest reward of my determination is a new world-window that has opened. Not only did I learn my language and culture of China, I also brought my culture to those around me. Most importantly, I've discovered that I am not just a blank girl endeavoring to unearth her identity, but a girl whose identity is her endeavor. Life is the product of many different choices. In the face of difficulty, I chose to persevere, and that has made all the difference.
Now I am sitting in America, at a new school, teaching someone else the language I once struggled with. Madeline put down her pen; she had finished copying the characters. I handed the new sheet of characters for her to practice, and knew that if she did not give up, success was hers.
Thanks in advance! Any help is appreciated!
Can someone look over and see if I had shown my PERSPECTIVE? I feel like I'm lacking depth in the essay, but I don't know where I should add it.
Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title, and author at the beginning of your essay.
"Don't ever give up.
Don't ever give in.
Don't ever stop trying.
Don't ever sell out.
And if you find yourself succumbing to one of the above for a brief moment,
pick yourself up, brush yourself off, whisper a prayer, and start where you left off.
But never, ever, ever give up."
â- Richelle E. Goodrich, Eena, The Two Sisters
A. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)
Madeline bent over the sheet of white paper, earnestly practicing her Chinese characters. As her Chinese tutor, I had gone over the characters with her, marking down the order of pen strokes and writing each character's meaning. With this treasure trove of knowledge in her hands, she started replicating the characters, albeit rather slowly and ungracefully. The image of Madeline's determination suddenly reminded me of myself in middle school, learning Chinese.
I grew up in the city-state of Singapore, a junction of different ethnic groups and backgrounds. Even though I was immersed in so many cultures, I felt blank. The people around me were Malaysian, New Zealander, Australian, and Indian, just to name a few. What was I? Studying in an Australian international school, I was Chinese ethnically, but I did not speak the language, nor did I know anything about Chinese history and culture. Ironically, I understood more about Australia than I did China, so in order to combat my lack of knowledge, I moved to China when I graduated primary school.
The three years in China were the most unbearably demanding years of my life. Prepared with only basic conversational skills, and with no ability to read or write Chinese, the teachers did not want to enroll me, afraid that I would lower the class mean scores. Only after discussion did the teachers allow me to take place in the class, provided my scores were not counted.
Education in China is strenuous, even for native Chinese. Tests every month, essays every week, quizzes every day, not forgetting that classes start at 7am and end at 10 pm, I really signed up for a ride. However hard it was, I trudged along. On my first exam, I understood roughly two percent of the entire test, but thank goodness for multiple choice: I failed the test, 24 out of 100. You'd think that broke my spirit or something. Actually no, I was pretty happy I did not place last, as the class clown decided to conveniently not write his name down, scoring a zero.
Once you hit rock bottom, things can only get better from there. It was the determination not to fail that compelled me to succeed. For the next three years, I completely devoted myself to mastering Chinese. In order to prepare for a daily quiz, I started studying hours before it, memorizing characters, the order of the characters in the sentence, the punctuation, and practicing it countless times in a notebook. While other students only needed to review a few hours before a test, I was breaking my back weeks before it, struggling to retain pages of unfamiliar passages on Politics, Biology, and Classical Chinese into my brain. Many times I desired to quit, to go back home to my parents in Singapore, to escape the mental and physical strain. Then I remembered my resolve: not to fail, and somehow I could carry on. My friends and teachers were always supportive of me, so to thank them back I volunteered to tutor English every day during break time.
Hard work brings profit. By the second year of middle school I had placed first in my class of ninety students, and in my final year I was awarded "Three Best Students", an award given only to two students per class. However, the biggest reward of my determination is a new world-window that has opened. Not only did I learn my language and culture of China, I also brought my culture to those around me. Most importantly, I've discovered that I am not just a blank girl endeavoring to unearth her identity, but a girl whose identity is her endeavor. Life is the product of many different choices. In the face of difficulty, I chose to persevere, and that has made all the difference.
Now I am sitting in America, at a new school, teaching someone else the language I once struggled with. Madeline put down her pen; she had finished copying the characters. I handed the new sheet of characters for her to practice, and knew that if she did not give up, success was hers.
Thanks in advance! Any help is appreciated!
elina855
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro' - Columbia Book Supp [8]
Seriously good book choice. I agree with your essay, everyone will die one day, so evading it is foolish. It's very deep, I don't think you need much corrections.
Seriously good book choice. I agree with your essay, everyone will die one day, so evading it is foolish. It's very deep, I don't think you need much corrections.
elina855
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / 'I was standing very nervously in a big hall' - activities or work experiences Essay [4]
Just reading through the first go, it was a little hard to follow. Try making the sentences flow better, the second sentence is way too long.
Also, you started off with a scene - Mongolia Church, but no where else is there another scene, it leaves the reader hanging. Try to tie up the loose ends
Just reading through the first go, it was a little hard to follow. Try making the sentences flow better, the second sentence is way too long.
Also, you started off with a scene - Mongolia Church, but no where else is there another scene, it leaves the reader hanging. Try to tie up the loose ends
elina855
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Social Work and Death - Common App [3]
Exactly 500 Words, pretty urgent hahaha. Question is:
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
During summer I interned as a social worker in an elderly hospital in Guangzhou, China. The few weeks volunteering there have changed my outlook on life.
As a social-worker for the elderly, my responsibility is mentally preparing the seniors for the reality of age. One day after my daily rounds I noticed that a patient's bed had been cleared and the sheets removed. I thought nothing about it - some patients change hospitals frequently due to insurance. Only when I returned to the staff office did I learn what happened.
"Xinxin, do you know that a patient passed away last night?" my coordinator started.
"- No! What happened?"
"The Bo-bo that roomed with Mr. Huang passed away last night. His family already took his possessions."
Disbelief and guilt wallowed within me.
He died? But, I just saw him and his daughter yesterday! Why didn't I say anything to him?
Although my duty is to all seniors in the hospital, the patient who passed away had severe dementia; he had a twisted, blank expression and a sickly atmosphere, so I was afraid to approach him. However, I spoke daily with the handicapped Bo-bo's roommate, Mr. Huang, teaching him English and bringing him food from "the outside".
The Bo-bo had passed away noiselessly in the night, and within a few days, his bed was occupied by a new patient. It was as if a lifetime of existence had been heartlessly forgotten by society, and during the man's last stages in life I had chosen to add to this neglect. I wonder where he went. I wonder if I could have served him better: maybe if I spoke to him, or paid more attention; I never should have disregarded him...
It is natural to fear age, sickness and death as I feared Bo-bo, but death is an imminent future for all. If there is any equality in the world, it exists in that all men die. However, while death is unchanging and perpetual, life is short and full of surprises. It's a hackneyed saying, but appreciate the people around you while they are still there. People always say this to me, but my experience in Guangzhou really took this truism and nailed it hard into my skull. I won't know every single person on earth, and even the people in my life, be they family, friends, or downright nemeses, aren't here to stay. So while they are here, hold dear to the experiences, the smiles, tears, and sweat they bring me, and thank God for placing them in my life.
To this day, I still write letters to seniors of that hospital. I ask about their health, their caretakers, and their families. I tell them about my faith and my trust in God. The nameless Bo-bo painfully opened my eyes to the reality of life. I had entered this internship believing in a one-way-relationship: aiding the elderly men and women. I left the internship instead gaining from them, "aging" in more ways than one.
Exactly 500 Words, pretty urgent hahaha. Question is:
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
During summer I interned as a social worker in an elderly hospital in Guangzhou, China. The few weeks volunteering there have changed my outlook on life.
As a social-worker for the elderly, my responsibility is mentally preparing the seniors for the reality of age. One day after my daily rounds I noticed that a patient's bed had been cleared and the sheets removed. I thought nothing about it - some patients change hospitals frequently due to insurance. Only when I returned to the staff office did I learn what happened.
"Xinxin, do you know that a patient passed away last night?" my coordinator started.
"- No! What happened?"
"The Bo-bo that roomed with Mr. Huang passed away last night. His family already took his possessions."
Disbelief and guilt wallowed within me.
He died? But, I just saw him and his daughter yesterday! Why didn't I say anything to him?
Although my duty is to all seniors in the hospital, the patient who passed away had severe dementia; he had a twisted, blank expression and a sickly atmosphere, so I was afraid to approach him. However, I spoke daily with the handicapped Bo-bo's roommate, Mr. Huang, teaching him English and bringing him food from "the outside".
The Bo-bo had passed away noiselessly in the night, and within a few days, his bed was occupied by a new patient. It was as if a lifetime of existence had been heartlessly forgotten by society, and during the man's last stages in life I had chosen to add to this neglect. I wonder where he went. I wonder if I could have served him better: maybe if I spoke to him, or paid more attention; I never should have disregarded him...
It is natural to fear age, sickness and death as I feared Bo-bo, but death is an imminent future for all. If there is any equality in the world, it exists in that all men die. However, while death is unchanging and perpetual, life is short and full of surprises. It's a hackneyed saying, but appreciate the people around you while they are still there. People always say this to me, but my experience in Guangzhou really took this truism and nailed it hard into my skull. I won't know every single person on earth, and even the people in my life, be they family, friends, or downright nemeses, aren't here to stay. So while they are here, hold dear to the experiences, the smiles, tears, and sweat they bring me, and thank God for placing them in my life.
To this day, I still write letters to seniors of that hospital. I ask about their health, their caretakers, and their families. I tell them about my faith and my trust in God. The nameless Bo-bo painfully opened my eyes to the reality of life. I had entered this internship believing in a one-way-relationship: aiding the elderly men and women. I left the internship instead gaining from them, "aging" in more ways than one.
elina855
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Make others Happy; Yale/ What matters? [3]
Very good! If you can lengthen, lengthen.
"My motives were innocent; I was simply trying to revive the same pleasure I had felt after giving my first present." I feel like something can be added here to conclude it, just reading it leaves me hanging.
Very good! If you can lengthen, lengthen.
"My motives were innocent; I was simply trying to revive the same pleasure I had felt after giving my first present." I feel like something can be added here to conclude it, just reading it leaves me hanging.
elina855
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I was accompanying the choir on the piano ; Common App/ Experience [5]
It's well written, but maybe you might cut down on some of the listing of achievements if you already have that somewhere else on the application. Try to add more of yourself the admission officers can't see outside the resume.
It's well written, but maybe you might cut down on some of the listing of achievements if you already have that somewhere else on the application. Try to add more of yourself the admission officers can't see outside the resume.
elina855
Dec 18, 2012
Undergraduate / "Hello Class" Foreign exchange/ international student experience/ Activity essay [5]
Hi, this is my first thread on this website
I would REALLY appreciate some constructive criticism, and even petty grammar corrections are a plus :)
The short essay is based on an activity (elaborate)
I chose my foreign exchange/international student experience
"Hello class, my name is called Liu Wenxin," introduced a 12-year-old girl in her broken Chinese. Away from home and in a boarding school, this was me 5 years ago. I neither spoke nor understood mandarin, but somehow I had convinced myself to move into a completely new environment to learn its culture and history. Now I am in America, neither as shy nor as linguistically inept, but as curious and challenge-loving as ever. In fact I am currently fluent in both Chinese and English! Everything I've done stems from the belief that overcoming challenges builds perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. One of the greatest rewards of living abroad is becoming globally-aware. I am blessed to have studied in 5 countries and 8 schools. Each place I've been is an inseparable part of my being: the people I've met, the things I've observed, and the decisions I've made shape my worldview; and this worldview is one of hope and the wish to give back to the world what it has given me.
Exactly 1000 characters
I don't think it flows that much, any suggestions?
Thanks!
Hi, this is my first thread on this website
I would REALLY appreciate some constructive criticism, and even petty grammar corrections are a plus :)
The short essay is based on an activity (elaborate)
I chose my foreign exchange/international student experience
"Hello class, my name is called Liu Wenxin," introduced a 12-year-old girl in her broken Chinese. Away from home and in a boarding school, this was me 5 years ago. I neither spoke nor understood mandarin, but somehow I had convinced myself to move into a completely new environment to learn its culture and history. Now I am in America, neither as shy nor as linguistically inept, but as curious and challenge-loving as ever. In fact I am currently fluent in both Chinese and English! Everything I've done stems from the belief that overcoming challenges builds perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. One of the greatest rewards of living abroad is becoming globally-aware. I am blessed to have studied in 5 countries and 8 schools. Each place I've been is an inseparable part of my being: the people I've met, the things I've observed, and the decisions I've made shape my worldview; and this worldview is one of hope and the wish to give back to the world what it has given me.
Exactly 1000 characters
I don't think it flows that much, any suggestions?
Thanks!
