Undergraduate / Google/ "Hands Out, Eyes Open"; Barnard Supp/ First learn? "majored in unafraid" [6]

Wow, I think its so good really ,but is the right word "alumna" for graduates or "alumni" because I'm confused?,great job buddy ,your writing skills are good so please help me with my essay if you can,

Undergraduate / Leadership is an art, not a quality; North Carolina / Leadership [7]

Hi black and white ,its a nice essay ,I liked your introduction,specially the first words"Leadership is not a quality, but an art"but don't you think it would be more beautiful if you say "To me,leadership is not a quality, but an art" so it would be like its your own unique way in seeing it,and you should leave repeating phrases,so the part of " an effective leader" can be like this (if you like)"An effective leader should be humble and strong,someone who can teach and learn(or someone who can give and take advices),give credit and command respect,a person with these qualities deserved to be a leader"

you can change the last phrase if you like,but its what I could think of right now
and about the second paragraph, its nice too but I think you should make it like it was your idea for doing these things or like you were in a responsible position ,something would show that you were in charge of something,like you had to make decisions for it,and I think you should say that this experience also taught how to make the right decisions in life,(or something like that)

hope I was helpful ,now you if may help me with mine ,please

Undergraduate / Winning first place in Olympiad; Common App ; Significant experience [6]

Hi rroni,I think yes you did that very well actually at the end ,its like your conclusion

Undergraduate / Winning first place in Olympiad; Common App ; Significant experience [6]

Hi buddy,its a good one but it need some work,like the introduction it is really nice,but you can start it with a stronger way like instead of saying"My life has been very interesting so far. It's been a life full of ...." you can start it like this (and its just an opinion)"Much has occurred in my life ,moments of joy as well as moments of sadness form different experiences which made it interesting"and then you can put say"and it is this contraction what shaped the person that I'm proud to be " or you can leave your own saying which is cool too,(and you change what I said so you would like it)

and then you started talking about the war in your country and everything it is good ,but it needs a little bit of drama it didn't touch me completely so you need to make it also a little bit stronger,

and then you started to talk about your research concerning the environment.and that's fine but what you need to do is to relate what you said before in the first paragraph with it ,like saying"all that action and war damaged our beautiful nature(environment) and that affected me so in 2010 ,I wanted to do a research concerning environment" or something like that.

and you should add bigger impacts on you I mean its a big experience that you had there so add something more influential,or something. but in general its a nice essay it needs a small work ^____^ ,

hope I was helpful enough ,and now maybe you can help me with my essays,please

Undergraduate / Understanding each other; Cornell Supplement_Intellectual Interest [2]

Hi buddy,
I thinks its good,honestly ,I liked you introduction its kinda made a clear image of what you want to say except of the"Tktktktk...tktktktktktk" part its kinda weird ,and I think you need to start the second paragraph with a phrase that connects it with the first one,its just my opinion ,but generally its clear and beautiful ,great job,at least that's how I see it I don't know if others agree,^__^

hope I was helpful,and maybe you can help me with my essay...