Writing Feedback / IELTS essay- Video games - Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks? [2]

This is the second time I post my essay on this forum. This one is also an IELTS essay. I know it is familiar with many people, but please feel free to leave comments. Highly appreciate those who contributes comments to mine.

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Do you agree or disagree with this?

__________________
MY ANSWER
It is true that the popularity of video games, which is the great outcome of modern technologies and games industry in particular, is undeniable. While many people suppose that video games help players earn a great deal of valuable knowledge and skills, I personally think that the drawbacks of games are greater.

The thought that playing games will educate players effectively are attractive for several reasons. Firstly, a number of today's games has a certain context, normally originated from the real stories. Accordingly, it requires most players to have a certain amount of social knowledge before applying such knowledge into games and becoming winners. Secondly, the benefits can be found when all gamers try to progress through levels in games, which encourages creativity, logical thinking and problem-solving skills. These skills are undeniably of great help if gamers are aware of how to apply them into their real lives.

However, it is my belief that spending times on play games are more likely to result in negative effects on gamers, both mentally and physically. Granted, those who are addicted to games usually find more difficulties to communicate with the world than others. It is because that high addiction to games, in fact, has transported players into the gaming context rather than encouraging face-to-face meetings or social activities. Besides, game players are very likely to be vulnerable to a number of diseases ranging from obesity to heart attack as a result of gaming effects. Finally, video games also leads to poorer academic performance of young players if most of their time are spent to think about how to be awarded more points in games.

In short, I firmly commit to the notion that the disadvantages of playing games are greater than the advantages. Gamers, and children in particular, will fail to secure their future if their gaming activities dominate their lives.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Modern person should have several careers or ways of earning money! [4]

Hi there. I am new here and hope to receive your comments for my essay. Feel free to share your thoughts about it. Thank you very much!

_________________________________________________________________ _____
Some people say that a modern person should have several careers or ways of earning money. They think that the idea of pursuing a single career for life is becoming an old fashioned one.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
---------------------------------------------------------
ANSWER

It is true that today many young adults secure their lives by having a number of careers. While others recommend to pursue only one career, in my view people can gain more financial and social benefits when owning more careers.

To begin with, more careers means that people are less likely to meet financial issues. Firstly, a new job will surely provide employees with an increasing income. Secondly, hard economic issues these days may force many people to lose their jobs at any time. Therefore, a new career generally helps with securing their monthly income. In some cases, people set up their private business and the second job sometimes contributes a larger income in comparison to the first one.

Some people may argue that having new careers may result in negative impacts on relationships between colleagues at work. Many employers, in particular, would possibly not accept employees' thought of a second job. However, even though this might lead to the failure of promoting in career, it is better than heavy reliance on a certain job alone. The important thing for all employees is to have a high concentration on the work results, rather than to produce efforts of pleasing their supervisors. This way, if successfully followed, can help maintain a close relationship between supervisors and subordinates. Besides, since new work environment may offer opportunities to meet responsible and friendly colleagues, employees could learn more valuable knowledge, broaden their relationships and gain more high achieving results in life.

In conclusion, I commit to the notion that two careers is always better for people. By this way, an employee can contribute to the success of the two organizations while guaranteeing the effectiveness of business as well as a stable income and business relationships.