Posts by Lollifroll

Lollifroll

Jan 10, 2013

Undergraduate / History, and mathematics have captured me and never let goCornell sup [10]

I think so.
Maybe change your second to last sentence to something like this...
"At USC, I plan to pursue my interests by conducting research, to supplement my own knowledge and maybe even uncover more about the history of the world."

It asks for the second major choice as well, which I assume yours is math, so with what little time left, maybe add in something like:

"My love of history is only matched by my passion to study mathematics (add what interests you about math)...and would love to participate in the math and economic program as well."

Ultimately, it's much more concise and feels less broken, which is great, just address those little things above, especially the second since it's apart of the prompt.

Again, best of luck to you.

Lollifroll

Jan 10, 2013

Undergraduate / I am a Sponge - USC (Motto - "Let whoever earns the palm bear it") [4]

EDITED:
I am a sponge.

Water seeps into my pours as I begin to be drowned, by the liquid poring through my yellow veins. I am consumed by all that enters me. Sponges act beneath the consideration of what they soak, but as people we are responsible for being more than what we learn. I want to treat the knowledge I gain and the major I pursue as treasures, not just because of the joy I gain from learning about them, but for the opportunity of being able to utilize this passion for others. I am without a major not for indecision, but to be enriched further and take USC in first, so I may be better equipped to further my dreams. USC's motto is "Let whoever earns the palm bear it." I wish to earn the palm first, because whether it is through my passion to dance or love of capturing humanities' moments on film; I want to earn my learning at USC. I want to prove to myself, that I deserve the lessons my professors offer. I want to journey to reach the moon, so I may teach people about the stars.

Lollifroll

Jan 10, 2013

Undergraduate / I am a Sponge - USC (Motto - "Let whoever earns the palm bear it") [4]

I am a sponge.
Water seeps into my pours as I begin to be drowned, by the liquid poring through my yellow veins. I am consumed by all the passion and opportunity I witness, because of this.

I want to attend USC to absorb as much culture and knowledge as I can. Sponges act beneath the consideration of what they soak, but as people we are responsible for being more than what we learn. I want to treat the knowledge I earn and the major I pursue as treasures, not just because of the joy I gain from learning about them, but for the opportunity of being able to utilize this passion for others/

I am without a major not for indecision, but to be enriched further and take USC in as a whole than its internships and courses. Whether it is through my passion to dance or dreams of capturing humanities moments on film, I want to earn my time at USC for the lessons they wish to instill their students to become better in their passions, as well as their offerings to society.

USC's motto is "Let whoever earns the palm bear it." I wish to earn the palm, because with it, I would have the responsibility of continuing to earn the palm for the sake of proving to not only my professors, but myself that as this porous cup, I am deserving of being given their knowledge. I want to journey to reach the moon, so I can bring others to the stars.

Lollifroll

Jan 10, 2013

Undergraduate / History, and mathematics have captured me and never let goCornell sup [10]

I feel like it's a bit over the place no offense or anything.
You discuss history and math as your interests, but you discuss them separately, so it creates this disconnect of what it is you specifically want. Maybe try to connect them more or diminish the discussion of math and elaborate on your passion for history.

The key is focus and focus on which ever one is your first major choice and maybe add a personal connection (i.e. the book your parents got you) and discuss it a bit more.

I hope it helps and that you get additional commentary, other than just me. haha
Best of luck to you and I'm applying to USC as well, so if you could check out my supplement, that'd be great. :)

Lollifroll

Jan 1, 2013

Undergraduate / Diversity and Involvement/ Northwestern; Uniqueness [3]

I see your point on the last part, so I changed the analogy a bit, but should I just drop it?

"I believe that when we are offered diversity, we are able to grow and expand. When I am given a whole fruit basket over just lemons, I can make more than just lemonade and I believe Northwestern provides me this opportunity to the fullest. "

Lollifroll

Jan 1, 2013

Undergraduate / (Study history / Video games) - NYU essays [5]

Little grammar error I noticed on response one
I would be able to work on a//the famous journal "Historian" in the classroom
It could be either, but without onw, it sounds like improper English.

For the response one, maybe elaborate more on the academic interests you have or add more onto your interest in New York libraries and archives. And maybe talk more on what fascinates you on European culture in the second response. Also, in the third response, you start two sentences with 'as', it's just a pet peeve of mine, but I feel that every sentence should have a different opening, but that's minor.

Overall, I liked it and I find your responses interesting. Hopefully, someone else will respond to give you a different take and good luck and if you could check out my Northwestern Supplement, that would be much appreciated.

Lollifroll

Jan 1, 2013

Undergraduate / Diversity and Involvement/ Northwestern; Uniqueness [3]

Prompt:
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Response
Diversity.

It's a concept tried and true for many institutions to have in this day in age and in my opinion is necessary to learn. I come from a campus that offers its students so much variety, from the clubs they participate in to the class they take. I could be in an AP Psychology class and take Wildlife Science and be in the Power Rangers Club, as well as an array of other combinations of activities and academics. I am currently an officer in my school's Associated Student Body, SADD, Red Cross Club, and Roots and Shoots. It is through this diversity that I have become a leader confident in myself and in my conviction. I had to learn to that outside forces have just as much effect on a situation, as the person affecting it does. I had to learn to trust others with helping me take on tasks, as well as doing work on my own. Leadership is the art of dealing with the diversity of situation and I believe Northwestern has the diversity that can allow me to continue forward.

I am deeply interested in their Student Government Association as well as their University American Red Cross Club and even their Ultimate Frisbee Club. Involvement is the key. It puts people in these opportunities they are offered. I hope to become as integrated as I can as a freshmen. In high school, I did not begin my involvement until my Junior year and I regret it deeply. I want to end my tenure at Northwestern as being a strong participant in the university's culture.

In addition the creative writing program at the School of Communication is my beacon to Northwestern. It provides its participants a diverse portfolio of two screenplays, a playwright, and a script. This variety in writing rewards its students through experience and having material to present for when they go off to pursue their careers, substance which can only benefit them, as well demonstrating they have a veritable palate of writing skills. I feel only excitement knowing that I can bring diversity to not only my career, but hopefully those who I may be able to teach and help expand their horizons.

I believe that when we are offered diversity, we are able to grow and expand, when I am given apples and oranges, I can make more than just lemonade and I believe Northwestern provides this opportunity to the fullest.