History, and mathematics have captured me and never let goCornell sup

Please critique my first draft for a cornell supplement
For this copy I am looking more towards help with the ideas rather than the grammar which I'l improve myself

Cornell Supplemental Essay

Throughout my academic life I have been interested in many subjects, but the fields of history, and mathematics have captured me and never let go. I clearly remember when at eight years old I was given by my parents a book on Greek mythology. Although at the time I was mostly fascinated by the supernatural and not historically accurate tales of the Zeus, Hercules, and etc. what it also ignited in me is the interest historical culture of Greece, which I started satisfying in various history, and social studies classes. From that point on that interest grew into one of my favorite subjects as I became thirsty for as much historical knowledge as possible be it an event as major as World War II or as obscure as the Basmachi revolt in the Soviet Union. Along with this growing interest for historical events, I also became enamored with the world of mathematics. Around the age of eleven my elementary school teacher began challenging me to further my knowledge in the area of mathematics as much as possible, showing me that while mathematics do become more difficult the reward of gaining new ways to reason, and think is worth it

The world of history has always excited me due to its deep world of human interaction, and development. Glorious conquests, new explorations, innovations, and creations of new cultures have always grasped my breath. History could also serve as a lesson to the people by analyzing the horrible, and the beautiful events of the past, as George Santayana put "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.". The world of the mathematics however to me was always more in a realm of logic, and reason. To me the laws, and the rules of mathematics contrasted sometimes the unpredictable subject of history. Thus, what I always appreaciated in mathematics is its tendency to teach people how to think critically, and apply reason.

Cornell's mission statement briefly summarized in the words of the co-founder Ezra Cornell: "I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study." is very fitting as I plan on possibly pursuing both history, and mathematics. The strength of Cornell's School of Arts and Sciences' history program in the ancient, medieval, and modern European history is highly appealing to me due to my desire to acquire more knowledge in the area of European history. The ability of engaging in accredited independent research is of high interest to me due to my passion for research. As for the research I plan on doing in the area of mathematics if given chance would be in the established topics of Logical, and Statistical research, which would allow me to cultivate the beginning for further studies in business.

...excellent vocab throughout the essay!


a little repetitive, maybe "...its deep involvement with human..."
Sounds like a fantastic essay overall! I'd suggest adding something at the end though. Maybe one more sentence to end it with a bang!

its really good! but you need to take out the comma after "the fields of history, and mathematics"

mathematics does become


more difficult, the reward


What? The think?


doesn't make sense


repeat it." The world of mathematics, on the other hand, was always in a realm of logic and reason


Cornell's mission statement, "an institution where any person can find instruction in any study," is very fitting...

The first sentence of the second paragraph seems slightly odd, maybe too much being said in one sentence. Maybe a comma between "possible" and "be"? But it wouldn't hurt to rethink that sentence.

Overall, very good!

Can you help me with concluding the essay

The word commenced doesn't really fit- it sounds like you just looked up 'started' in the thesaurus and threw it in to try to sound smart.

[Sorry that sounds very rude from me- but it's what it seemed like.]


- Longing - space- for [just in case you c&p into the app and miss it.]


'Research' is repeated a lot.

No I'm not mad and honestly that's what I really did. This is my concluding sentence, can you help with it? :As a result of my strong belief in human interaction, I would be fascinated by the ability to cooperate with some of the brightest, and motivated students in the world who are present in the Cornell School of Arts and Sciences.

I feel like it's a bit over the place no offense or anything.
You discuss history and math as your interests, but you discuss them separately, so it creates this disconnect of what it is you specifically want. Maybe try to connect them more or diminish the discussion of math and elaborate on your passion for history.

The key is focus and focus on which ever one is your first major choice and maybe add a personal connection (i.e. the book your parents got you) and discuss it a bit more.

I hope it helps and that you get additional commentary, other than just me. haha
Best of luck to you and I'm applying to USC as well, so if you could check out my supplement, that'd be great. :)

I think so.
Maybe change your second to last sentence to something like this...
"At USC, I plan to pursue my interests by conducting research, to supplement my own knowledge and maybe even uncover more about the history of the world."

It asks for the second major choice as well, which I assume yours is math, so with what little time left, maybe add in something like:

"My love of history is only matched by my passion to study mathematics (add what interests you about math)...and would love to participate in the math and economic program as well."

Ultimately, it's much more concise and feels less broken, which is great, just address those little things above, especially the second since it's apart of the prompt.

Again, best of luck to you.