Unanswered [29] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by yeseniapereyra
Joined: Jan 25, 2013
Last Post: Feb 11, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
Likes: 1
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
yeseniapereyra   
Feb 10, 2013
Undergraduate / Breaking the glass ceiling amongst women in Engineering - UofT Engineering SPF [4]

I believe engineering is a powerful field.
I dont think this flows in the context of the surrounding sentences

I was not crazy about your intro to the video.. maybe you can say like your parent's encouragement and research has fortified confidence... One source that ressonted with me was...

I have always had a determined spirit, an inquisitive mind and a fervent goal to break the glass ceiling associated with women in such fields like engineering.

I dont know...it just does not ring. That has not always been you goal, to break the ceiling...maybe the video galvanized you to see the ceiling as a challenge and installed excitement to break through it rather than being intimidated by it

It not only has a world-class reputation amongst universities, but also because has a long history of encouraging and providing opportunities for women in all areas of study especially engineering (via pre-university programs such as Engineering Saturdays for Girls).

I think you can leave world class out since its not relevant, they already know its great. this will allow you to focus on their opportunities for women. no parenthesis since the program is important, its an example

Programs like these are intended to motivate girls to explore engineering and to show the University's commitment towards empowering women and this has had the deepest impact on me as it proves that women are regarded equally in this field.

its a mouthful. too much info in one sent. also the uni is taking steps to make women be regarded equally, you might want to change that sentence.

So I will like to know why Uni of Toronto. what attracted you to the school? out of the many schools, why do you want to study there?

good luck
yeseniapereyra   
Feb 10, 2013
Undergraduate / Out-of-State University ; Transfer- What excites me about GW Commnunity [5]

GW offers an education and college experience with a truly unique impact and once-in-a-lifetime moments. In an essay of no more than 500 words, please tell us what excites you about being a member of the GW community.

(Is it too short?)

The idea of transferring makes eyes watery since I worked ardently to take this step. The idea of transferring to an out-of-state university further exhilarates my educational journey and when I narrow it down to transfer to George Washington University, I am galvanized by the potential college experience that will thrive in every aspect.

I was able to narrow it down to GW because of the diverse make-up of the school. I am thrilled to be surrounded by peers whom the majority come from across the nation which will allow me to interact with students from different backgrounds and network with people around the globe. This also contributes to the great deal of students whom live in college housing that results in a strong college life and social experience which I eagerly seek. I greatly anticipate to be active in intramural sports and collaborate with the community through Engineers Without Boarders to furnish to my personal growth. As for my endeavors for academic growth, the facilities on campus and the location of the school are just right. Undertaking research as an undergrad is my top priority; the school has research facilities such as the Solar Institute where I can content my inquisitive interest in solar energy. On top of that, the school is encompassed by research institutions such as the Carnegie Institute that can possibly open up doors to explore the professional world and build experience in the engineering field through internship opportunities. Furthermore, my vision is to collaborate with peers and professionals to shift a metropolis city to an environmental friendly community. This venture is possible once again because of the location, the Sustainability Services at the school and the environmental oriented organizations on campus.

If I am just thrilled of thinking about the possibilities as a member of the GW community, I can't imagine my disposition to actually integrate to the community. But not to worry since it will be positive one.
yeseniapereyra   
Feb 6, 2013
Undergraduate / TRANSFERING REASONS & OBJECTIVES TO ACHIEVE; ENGINEERING [3]

Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

After a few semesters in community college I had high school friends whom were transferring already; my disposition was that we had just become familiar with the school and they are already leaving. However, after building experiences and drafting the right blueprint for my educational plans I am prepared and anxious to be part of an engineering program in an university. As I come close to finish the basic ground for the degree, I am eager to study and explore ideas that pertain to my passion for the environment. I anticipate joining the engineering department where I can learn and seek guidance from experts in the field and work along-side of peers whom share similar interests. Another prospect I look forward to is to partake in Engineers Without Boarders where I will fulfill my goal to study abroad and validate a strong engineering foundation.

During college I was able to grasped experiences from being a staff writer for the newspaper on campus to creating a sports club, among others, that empowered me to become more cosmopolitan and exerted my performance in academics and in my life. Through my involvement I also became acquainted with various professors and tapped in to multiple resources that helped me navigate through college and helped me succeed in my classes. However, more than ever I endeavor to be involved with hands-on work that will specifically educate me and challenge me in the areas of sustainability, hydrology and clean energy. I look forward to partner up with inquisitive peers and experts to undertake research and projects that can lead to new discoveries and understanding; when I transfer it is a top priority to participate in research. I also seek resources that can prompt my professional career; integrate to the strong alumni network and take advantage of the internship and work opportunities that are disposed for students.

In a community college the social experience, community and student network are difficult to capture since students commute, go to class and then hastily leave to attend personal responsibilities. I am always in search for an atmosphere that fully devotes itself to academics and where campus life is an integral part of the college experience. When I transfer it is my goal to dorm on campus and to integrate to an environment where students are dedicated to contribute to their community and are animated to collaborate outside of academics. I am excited to be part of an environment where I will have the opportunity to enrich my academics and also stimulate my personal life by making long lasting friends, participate in activities such as intramural sports and experience a new dimension of the educational world.
yeseniapereyra   
Feb 6, 2013
Undergraduate / The not so straight path - University of Washington - Transfer Personal Statement [4]

We were always afforded opportunities to pursue higher education and the first time I did was while I was still stationed onboard the Michigan
I think you should rewrite that phrase, does not read well

, I took my first course the wrong reason which was that the school provided a student with a free computer for enrolling. I think you can express this sentence better and i am not sure if you should include it, does not effect the essay if you leave it out since its not something very honorable (i dont mean to be rude)

I wanted to immerse myself in Japanese culture so I enrolled in a Japanese class. i dont think immerseis a great word in this case. also what prompted you to want to take specifically Japanese class, what drove you towards it.

A couple of quarters later I took English and Math courses and did well in them as well. i would avoid using well twice here

Add the fact that I was looking more to party or hang out and you have a recipe for unsuccessful. i would replace unsuccessful with failure, or something else, it does not flow

The next year and a half I spent job-hunting and working as a contractor at Puget Sound Naval Shipyard which only lasted months at a time

While Olympic College has been good to me, I want to take it up a notch and show myself that I can succeed at a higher level not sure what you mean...in any case i think you were the one who was good, and since you mastered that field, you are looking for a challenge.

I like your essay, i would emphasize the turning point of your life and how you pull all your resources together to get somewhere in school. expand on the "enough"

good luck
yeseniapereyra   
Jan 30, 2013
Undergraduate / I desire to become a leader; Brown U- Interest in Transfering [5]

Hey

your ultimate goal, I think you are trying to say you want to be a leader who can draw from different perspectives and not just have the "business " eye as a leader...if that is the case try to make it clearer...otherwise I am not sure what you mean

what are the tremendous opportunities brown offers? because many school have tremendous opportunities, they just have different personalities..( I have a similar task as yours)

good luck!
yeseniapereyra   
Jan 30, 2013
Undergraduate / Leap of faith to Rice University - What motivated you to apply to Rice University? [4]

One more try!! :) thanks for everyone's time!

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words

Community College was the only road I knew about after high school and so I took it. As I discovered the college world by taking seminar courses, speaking to counselors and experimenting with various paths, every step I took enlightened me upon my goals and unearthed a passion for higher education. While I endeavor a traditional college experience of social interactions and valuable education, I also seek a path where I can step at the edge of my precipice and construct higher ground to amplify my world. Rice offers this possibility to students due to the intimate class size and the interactions with outstanding researchers and thinkers in and outside of class. Although I am acquainted with faculty and I participated in clubs in my college, the community on campus is tenuous. The great portion of out-of-state student and the large student body living on campus meet my aspirations to integrate into a circle where student involvement and diversity are strong and celebrated. My ultimate goal is to graduate from a community feeling confident that I can undertake engineering projects, I have no doubt that students leave mastering various intellectual interests due to the hands on experience and the high volume of research that thrives in Rice.
yeseniapereyra   
Jan 26, 2013
Faq, Help / Can I repost a revised essay or it will be deleted? [12]

Hi,
I also have a question about that because it is not clear
can we edit the thread, if so how
or
do you mean to just add the revised version as a comment?

thanks a lot!
yeseniapereyra   
Jan 25, 2013
Scholarship / 'It is not a tool' - What Does Leadership Means? Scholarship [3]

Hi,

I think the first sent, the quote, does not flow with the rest...
2nd par, why not connect the first two sent? they have the same idea
end of 2nd par..are you not fond of that quote anymore?
I would not use the same word twice, "duplicate"

its good, very descriptive and great definition of a leader!
yeseniapereyra   
Jan 25, 2013
Undergraduate / Every student and alumni love Rice; Rice Supplement- Why Rice? [8]

Quite simply, I've been interacting with Rice students and alumni my entire life, and nearly every single one has told me that they love Rice. I've sat in at classes, wandered around the campus, trained by stair-stepping at the track field, and done swim teams for years at Rice. I feel comfortable at Rice.

And yes, there's more. Rice has an extremely strong biology department, with the Medical Center literally right next door for research and internship opportunities. The psychology department is equally strong. This is all right in the middle of a city I like quite a bit.

So, that's the triumvirate, I guess. Location, academics, students.

Hi.

I would delete the comma after "field"

change the word "done"... try.. participated... joined...
I would combine "I feel comfortable" with "there is more" using "but"

you would be a perfect candidate for my essay, I am applying to Rice .

:)
yeseniapereyra   
Jan 25, 2013
Undergraduate / Leap of faith to Rice University - What motivated you to apply to Rice University? [4]

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

My road of continuing school in America up to the process of applying to universities as a transfer student has been revolutionary. In elementary school I remember attending summer school yet again, in middle school I hurdle out of ESL classes and having heard of the word college but knowing nothing else of the college world, I glided through high school. As I faltered upon clues about how to navigate through community college and as I experimented with various paths, every step enlightened me upon who am I, what do I want and unearthed a passion for higher education. Just as I endeavor a traditional college experience, I want a path where I can step at the edge of my precipice and construct higher ground to amplify my world. I aspire to integrate to a circle where diversity, intellectual interest and involvement are celebrated and are the epicenters for growth and discovery. Upon graduating from a community, I want confidence that my education, my work and hands-on experience will allow me to undertake projects that improve a village or a city. The environment and the approach towards education at Rice is what I look for to continue my revolution.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳