Undergraduate / Correlations between different fields; Issues of Importance to me [3]

This is my transfer essay.
They want me to write "issue of importance to me"
please be critique.
Than you!!

Most people obtain correlations between different fields by searching for their similarities. However, associating features seem irrelevant sometime leads to innovation. Steve Jobs, the former CEO of Apple Int., took art courses just for entertaining while they delivered an inspiration of the new design for the next level of (novel/coming version) Mac OX system several years later. Such a fantastic invention might not exist if he did not integrate the irrelevances. To pay attention on domains that are unrelated to each other is important and necessary.

The persistency on acquiring French led a similar experience to me. I studied French for the incredible process delighted me when letters turn from meaningless to meaningful. As a result of being attracted by the euphonious French pronunciation, I could not even help enouncing English words in the French way sometimes. However, I could barely feel the sense of French influence both in China and in the United States. In other word, French was simply an entertainment to me.

Yet, comprehending French provided me the direction of my future career path. The possibility to go to graduate schools in France guided me to regard luxury brand management as my life-long career. I never thought French would contribute to establish the relation between my interests on fashion and my future career. Knowing French led an opportunity to explore my future in France. Field that was merely an amusement had become a trail of depicting my coming path.

Both Stories from Steve Job and my personal experience manifest the significance of regarding the irrelevances. Two years in the United States have taught me to show solicitude for diverse fields even they do not share any concordances. Prospecting subjects that are not connected is not squander of time. On the contrast, they often lead me to a brand new aspect of pondering affairs.

Undergraduate / "Difference is the essence"; U Washington/SeattleTransfer - Personal Statement [7]

Hi guys,
I hope you can be critique and tell me how is my essay.(because I am a terrible writer.)
I also beg for you pointing out where I should change to improve my essay.
and I think I should rearrange the order of my paragraphs, Can you guys give me some suggestions?
Thank you Sooooooooooooooooo much!!!

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Statement of purpose

After Graduating from a high school in China, I attended a liberal arts college entitled Lake Forest College in Illinois. I was born and raised in a community of traditional ideology. From my two years in the United States, I am equipped to face people from different countries and respect their diverse cultural backgrounds. People with varied backgrounds held wide range of opinions which brought me countless different notions. Though it could be awkward being in a situation where people were defending their thoughts intensely, I still loved to communicate with people who possessed various ideas. The unique experience inspired me to think in multiple aspects. Difference is the essence when it comes to cultural understanding.

Marketing is the field I am eager to get involved in. Thanks to my current major economics, I began to think like an economist. By understanding fundamental economic theories, I gradually grasped the principle of consumer behaviors. Studying economics provided me with the knowledge of rudimentary components of marketing studies. In my opinion, marketing is one of the most exciting subjects relating to economics, management and business. To study marketing is to become competent of leading consumers to purchase willingly. Employees who apprehend marketing principles and possess the ability of attracting a steady stream of customers are demanded for almost all companies. To a future entrepreneur interested in technology, marketing knowledge and distinguished computer science skills are necessary. Moreover, with an outstanding computer science program, the University of Washington gathers talent students from all over the world, which provides me the chance to contact ambitious people who specialize in computer science. It is valuable to me because I have ultimate target of owning my business.

In the past two years, I have been nominated and accepted into the Dean's list and therefore awarded full scholarship. Thanks to my academic achievement, I seized an opportunity to get involved in the Richter's Scholar Program and Kemper Scholar Program. As a choir singer in college women's chorus, I took part in a choir-orchestra performance in Michigan. Working as a college library computer assistant, my boss relied upon me to manage archived, precious documents. I participated actively in the French Club and mastered French skills from the elementary level.

I declared French as my second major at the end of my freshman year in college. At first, I took French class just to fulfill the graduation requirements. However, after coming into contact with French, I realized I could not help digging into it. I spent more than four hours every day on French, since a fifty-minute class was not enough for me. I made progress on oral proficiency through discussion with fellow students at the French Table every week. My French skills improved rapidly because I have a gift for language learning. As a result of passion and hardworking, I am currently taking advance-level French classes only in my second year since my first French class.

The alumni network connections to influential corporations are the primary reason that I want to transfer to the University of Washington at Seattle. Attempting to build a superior start for my future career path, I think it would be relatively easy to locate internships within the network. Aiming to become a successful alumni, I believe more opportunities to learn from them are attainable in a selective university. Proposing to center my interest on marketing and management, I intend to transfer to the university that offers such courses fantastic courses in marketing. Purporting to start my own business, I consider looking for ambitious people to start business together in the University of Washington at Seattle be a reachable strategy.