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Posts by shohruhbek
Joined: Mar 23, 2013
Last Post: Feb 8, 2017
Threads: 2
Posts: 11  
Likes: 2
From: Uzbekistan

Displayed posts: 13
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shohruhbek   
Feb 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / Unemployment is inevitable issue in the society, especially among school leavers [5]

@rozhnaz
You made some grammar errors which, I feel, are very common among the members of this site. And it would be better if you had written the topic as it is given to you. 'More and more young people are leaving school but unable to find job(IELTS)'... from this one actually I didn't understant the type your task: if it is a problem-solving essay or one in which you are required to predict causes/effects of the issue. Also, pay attention to your spelling ( closley, youngester...). Never mind this suggestion if your mistakes are keyboard-related or have smth to do with typing.

GOOD LUCK!
shohruhbek   
Feb 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / Does the punishment required in order to educate a children? [4]

@Riyan Mudastsir
'know whether is right and wrong' is grammatically incorrect because there is no subject. I believe you tried to mention smth like 'what is right and what is wrong'. Besides, I would suggest caring the usage of articles: 'to educate a children', 'a right things'. Indefinite article a plural noun? And you have other grammar errors such as 'can decided'. And as someone who is also preparing for the exam, I would advise to avoid using 'must' too much because it sounds a bit assertive. Instead, try using 'should' and phrases like 'It would be better'... Hope it will help you.
shohruhbek   
Feb 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / Being a man or a woman makes diffrence whether or not people can be excluded from a job [12]

@DoctorWho
Thanks for your comment, friend. I really appreciate your advice.

@akbarmappiare I have recenly registered for my exam and before i wasn't familiar with Ielts. It is the first essay in my IELTS self-preparation.Actually I did not know that the first paragraph should include at least 3 sentences, which will care from now on.

Avoiding contractions was also a good suggestion. Hope your recommendations will ameliorate my writing skills. Big thanks!

@Holt When I wrote in her heart I actually referred to the word leader. Is this somehow confusing?Anaway thanks for the expertise you shared with me. I will definitely follow your suggestions in the future.
shohruhbek   
Feb 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / Being a man or a woman makes diffrence whether or not people can be excluded from a job [12]

TOPIC: Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

Every job for every one?



It's true that men are clearly better than women in some spheres and conversely women seem to be a lot more talented than males in particular areas. However, in my point of view, this cannot be a reason to assign jobs to only one gender group.

First of all, members of one gender can be more qualified for a job than those of the other sex in a broader sense, but in this flexible world we can encounter extraordinary exceptions. For example, politics is usually deemed to be male-dominated area, but the current leader of the German government represents the other gender. If working in management roles were prohibited for females, the women's natural flair for politics would have been left buried deep in her heart.

Secondly, the proportion of male and female workers in some jobs is not so huge (like 40 to 60 percent). And ,surely, one gender group seems to be more suitable for the profession due to their natural features. But if the members of the other sex didn't work in this field, the demand for this kind of personnel might not be met causing the wages to accrue and the businesses to suffer.

Furthermore, banning people having a career in a particular field may sometimes terminate their burning desire and interest to work and succeed in that sphere. Considering that hard work and a strong wish can beat talent, blocking their way because the job is more efficiently done by representatives of the other gender wouldn't be a plausible option. As a result, society may lose a great prospect in that person.

In conclusion, people have very distinctive sentiments about the never-ending debate on whether or not people should be excluded from a job because of their gender and its more problematic sides are yet to be discovered. But, for me, specifying jobs for a particular gender may not be such a fabulous idea in that it can affect the labour market and some really talented individuals of an 'unsuitable' gender will have no chance fulfilling their potential in a prohibited area.
shohruhbek   
Apr 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / The impact of overpopulation; Pros & Cons [4]

Thanks for your comments. You're right I made several mistakes. But I typed the words in phone.Some of my mistakes are due to that, for instance 'mord' instead of 'more'.
shohruhbek   
Apr 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why people go to college? Reasons and examples [13]

However, people still opt to take
up those challenges and enter into a
good college or university... The sentence was suggested by dumi.But is it true to use prep. after enter?
shohruhbek   
Mar 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / The impact of overpopulation; Pros & Cons [4]

To start with,I can say that overpopulation has pros and cons.As the prefix 'over' means 'more than desirable', the process may cause concerns like lacking of natural treasures. Furthermore,there may not be enough food to supply people owing to overflow of population.Because the number of farms and food fields will have be reduced.

Moreover,meet with difficulties related to living areas.As the number of people is increasing, surely the need for a place to live will be devoleping too.

Apart from that , it creat danger for our environment. For example, if a counry is overpopulated, there wilk be much more need for pruducts such as wheat and cotton .And the people will have to cut down more trees in order to make furniture or to make the ground vacate. In addition, life also be difficult owing to unemployment. Becouse it may not be possible for the government to provide all the with a job.

On the countrary,overpopulation has a positive side. It is that there will be mord talented people in an overpopulated community. The talented people will be able to make innovations.For instance, they may be capable of creating highly developed technologies. In short , overpopulation has negative sides than positive. Becouse it may be impossible to satisfy all the need of people by creating new things and powerful technologies.
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