Posts by Josephd6

Josephd6

Apr 28, 2013

Undergraduate / A strong mind normally, but something happens to you and made you touched. [3]

Early in the morning, I went to school alone with my heavy steps. As and when, I tilted my head left and right to hope that Alastair would appear beside me like magic and talked to me and walked with me to school. But I knew ~~that~~it was not possible. Ron and I had some disagreement ~~between us~~ and we had not been talking since then. It happened like this: Last week, as he asked me to lend him my homework, that Mr Chua told us to do, to copy it , but I refused. So ~~in the end,~~ he had to face the music of not doing his homework. That day onwards, he never approached me anymore.
As I was thinking all this thing, I ~~never saw~~didn't see the paddle of water in front of me and I stepped right into it and "Whoosh", I slipped. Then I heard a familiar laughter, and then he said, "Haha... don't you bring your eyes out when you are walking?" When I turned back, I knew it was him, my most 'hated enemy', Ron! He continued, "Be careful of dog poop around! Haha!" And he walked away. When I got up ~~from~~ the floor and looked at my watch, I realized that I lost track of my time. So I rushed towards tothe school.
I went to into the class after being scolded by Mr.Chua. The time ~~flies~~flied and the lesson continued. "Ding... Dong..." The bell for recess struck. I felt that I was having a very unlucky day, so I decided to stay in class and rest. Hearing the peaceful sound of the classroom and birds chirping everywhere. ~~Thinking~~I thought that the unluckiness had stopped, but I was wrong. I heard someone unzipping my bag and I quickly got up to have a look. But there iswas no one in the classroom ~~accept~~except me. ~~and~~M y bag was zipped, s o I thought that I may have overheard.
"Ring..." The recess ~~had~~ ended. My classmates rushed into the classroom like a swarm of bees. Suddenly, I heard a wailing voice shoutingI heard a wailing voice saying , "Someone... someone stole my wallet!" When I lifted up my head, it was Denise who was crying. Then Mr.Chua walked into the class and saw Denise crying, he asked, "Why are you crying, Denise?" She answered, "Just now when we are having our recess, I forgot to brought down my wallet and it was placed on my desk. As I was lazy to walk up and down, so I lent the money from one of my friends and decided to return ~~back~~ the money after I came up. But when I came up, I saw that my wallet had gone ~~missing~~. I had searched thoroughly around my desk and in my bag, but I still can't find it."
All of a sudden, popped out Alastair's voice, "Mr Chua, why don't you checks everyone's bag to confirm whether anyone had stolen it and placed it in their bag? Why don't you start form the guy next to Denise?" After hearing Alastair's suggestions, Mr Chua decided that it would be a great idea and turned to me and said, "Would you mind letting me checked you bag?" I replied, "Sure. It's not like I had stolen it." Mr Chua started to rummaged my bag and all of a sudden, he took out a wallet which is not mine and asked Denise, "Is this yours?" She replied happily, "Yes! Oh thank god!" But after that happiness, her face changed and turned to me, "If my wallet is in your bag, then it must be you that stole my bag!" After hearing that, Mr Chua turned to me with the angry face and threw me with questions, "Is it you that stolen Denise's wallet? Why did you do this? ~~What is your purpose of doing ?~~[It's the same question.] "
I amwas so startled with the things that happened to fast in front of me. I ~~cannot~~could not answer any questions.My eyes started to ~~got~~get wet and tears rolled down my cheeks. I answered with ~~i shivered~~a shiver , "I did not..." And I burst into tears. Suddenly came out a familiar voice, "It's not her!" I lifted up my heavy head to see who is my savior. To my relief, it was Ron!
Ron went over to Mr Chua's ears and whispered something. After that, Mr Chua said, "Alastair, followed me to my office now." After they left, I asked Ron, "What did you ~~told~~tell Mr Chua?" "You don't need to know. Everything's going to be fine." I was touched by the words...

I guess you have a little problem with the tenses.
Don't use words like : (too, very, etc...) too much.
I think you should introduce (Alastair) just like when you introduced (Ron)
But that's a good story overall, I congratulate you :)

Josephd6

Apr 28, 2013

Writing Feedback / What is the better way of gaining knowledge, experience or books ? [5]

Oh, yes it is.
I didn't know that one example was enough, thanks for the info.

Josephd6

Apr 27, 2013

Writing Feedback / What is the better way of gaining knowledge, experience or books ? [5]

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

___________________________________
Knowledge has always been the key to success. It helps us solving our problems. And changes the way we look at our life. In the earliest ages, knowledge was simply the one people needed to survive, and it was naturally inherited from one's parents. But today, as the human race is developing and people are invading the space, new kinds of knowledge are being discovered. And people need more sources to claim this precious jewel.

One of the most traditional ways of gaining knowledge is books. People used them for centuries. They are still used today because you can easily gain knowledge using them. There are many kinds of books; there are books that talk about scientific topics like: (Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry, Astronomy ...). Also, there are literary books; for example: (Novels, poems, short stories, plays ...).

However, books are not the only teachers. There are other ways of gaining knowledge. The other way that everybody uses is experience. People gain knowledge from experience in many ways.

One of them happens without any planning, just like problems. Problems occur in people's lives and people learn from them. For example, after a toddler touches boiling water and feels pain, he learns to not touch it again.

The other kind of experience, on the contrary, happens after the planning and preparation by a person. The experiments done by the scientists are simple examples. Scientists prepare for those experiments by bringing the substances and tools that they need. And they gain knowledge after finishing the experiences.

In my opinion. Even though the knowledge gained from personal experience is harder to forget, knowledge gained from books is also essential. Because you can learn from other people's experience when reading books, which might even be sometimes more valuable than your own experience. Such as the books students use while studying.

To conclude, we cannot ignore either books or experience as valuable ways of gaining knowledge. We must combine the knowledge taken from both of them so we gain the amount of knowledge that allows us to be useful to our family, country, and humanity.

____________________________________________________________
Number of words : 349.
Thanks in advance for your feedback .

Josephd6

Apr 27, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay, Increasing weight of people - causes and solutions [5]

I think you shouldn't mention the reasons in the introduction. You can say something like:
"Nowadays, many people are having overweight problems. Those problems can reflect negatively on their health and society. There are several reasons we should know so we can limit the dangers."

This way, you can avoid repeating the causes in the body.

Josephd6

Apr 27, 2013

Writing Feedback / Parenting outweigh the schooling in terms of nurturing a good member of society [3]

Hey,
My corrections are in RED .
And my notes are in GREEN .

In the present age, an increasing number of people is starting to realize the importance of developing a sense of social responsibility for children. But there are different views regarding where it can be developed . Some people think it should be taught at home, while others believe that schools are the proper places to teach it.(the term "schooling" is not precise. Schooling can be at home "Homeschooling")

Obviously, parents play a significant role on educating children to become responsible and respectable people. The first teachers of children are their parents as we all know . In my country, there is an idiom that says: "you can imagine the child's future based on his behavior when he's three years old" . That is to say, the vast influence on a child is its early education that is conducted by its parents. Therefore, if the parents attempt to nurture their children at an early age,(The subject here is still the parents, change it!)the children are very likely to become those who their parents wanted.

However, it is true that the school has effects on the development of children. But there is a clear perspective that the schools used to focus on the academic performance of children. Even though some schools are beginning to find out that the moral well-being is as important as the academic achievement, they tend to fail on convincing students to be a good members of society, if these students are not (Not what ?) . It is caused by the limited resources the schools have and the difficulties of reforming people.

It is my belief that the parents outweigh the school in terms of nurturing a good member of society.Thus, parents should take more responsibility on children's sense of social responsibility. But it is still vital to raise the awareness of moral educating in schools.

Josephd6

Apr 25, 2013

Writing Feedback / 'Learning never stops' - Learn from a teacher or by yourself? [4]

Thank you so much. I'm just starting and that's my second essay. That's priceless information.

Josephd6

Apr 25, 2013

Writing Feedback / 'Learning never stops' - Learn from a teacher or by yourself? [4]

Topic 4: Some people believe that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay.

Here's my essay. Please check it out for me. Thanks in advance.

Learning never stops, it's a progress that takes as long as a lifetime. Studying itself had been developed during the years. Most of the people see that having a teacher (or going to school) is the regular way to learn, but other people find more comfort in learning by themselves. Either way has its negatives and positives.

Having a teacher is the most mainstream way of learning, people like it because they can share experiences with the teacher that knows more about the subject they're learning. Schools are a very simple example of having a teacher, schools are where students usually gather in groups and a teacher explains them the lessons. Students there follow a schedule and have a strictly planned progress, they often have exams to experience their knowledge of the subjects they are studying, and they often have vacations on weekends, holidays, and summer.

However, not everybody sees having a teacher as a useful thing, some people study by themselves because they think it's easier to concentrate when you're alone, not disturbed by a teacher or by other students, they also believe that the progress in school is slow for them. Homeschooling is a spreading phenomenon, it's becoming more and more popular every day. People homeschool today using many sources: (Books, internet, DVDs....), homeschoolers don't usually have tests, their progress is less strictly planned, and they have vacations according to their will.

After experiencing both ways, although school offered me the help of a specialized teacher when needed, I think homeschooling worked better for me, I learned faster when homeschooling, and I had the chance of focusing more on the subjects that I feel that I can be special at.

To conclude, both self-teaching and having a teacher are helpful ways to learn, each person has his own way of learning. The important is that we all have the responsibility of learning, and we must use what we have learned to be beneficial to our planet and people.