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Posts by shadman19922
Joined: Jun 3, 2013
Last Post: Dec 29, 2013
Threads: 21
Posts: 74  
Likes: 10
From: Bangladesh

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shadman19922   
Dec 2, 2013
Graduate / I was highly motivated by the cutting edge research technologies; MS in VLSI- SOP [6]

I agree with Dumi. This feels like a huge list of credentials which you'll mention in other parts of your application. Try cutting out the excessive nitty gritty details and try to add more about your future plans and how the school you're applying to will help you out. Try talking a lot more about the school you plan on applying to.

REMEMBER, the SOP is an opportunity for you to talk about stuff that you'd like to bring the admissions attention to that don't get mentioned in your application.
shadman19922   
Dec 3, 2013
Graduate / Understand and work with elementary particles; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell. [8]

My reason for wanting to pursue graduate physics in graduate school is simple: to understand and work with elementary particles. The idea of understanding the behaviour of particles with the human mind has been a fascinating prospect for me for quite a while. This interest has been supplanted by reading the biographies of many physicists and their interesting journeys in science. So far, I have mostly limited myself to book knowledge and some minimal research. However, I would like to take this further by pursuing graduate studies ultimately leading to professional development.

The physics department in Cornell has a number of characteristics which makes it a great place to pursue graduate studies in. Although I mentioned that my interests lie in particle theory, I would like to experience other fields in physics as well. The first two years at Cornell would allow me to take general courses such as quantum theory. This would allow me to fill any gaps I have in my knowledge followed by specialized courses during the second year to enhance my physics knowledge and the Advanced Laboratory (Physics 6510) course would equip me with the necessary experimental skills. Furthermore, the ability to take courses offered by other departments (With consent from the special committee) would allow me to enhance my knowledge in mathematics (In Differential Geometry, for example), which I firmly believe a physicist should continuously broaden knowledge in.

Furthermore, Cornell has a broad spectrum of research, from the scale of the quantum foam to that of the largest galaxies, in both theoretical and experimental sciences. The research groups that hold particular interest for me are the Theoretical and experimental elementary particle group, carrying out research into "New-Physics" as well as the unification of the standard model with gravity. What makes the particle group even mokre interesting is its membership with CMS and LHC. With interesting research going on non-stop, coupled with the cooperative nature among everyone in the department, would allow me to frequently discuss and exchange ideas with supervisors, seniors and colleagues alike.

My background in physics may raise a few eyebrows, Simply because it is highly unusual. I am engineering major and never took a college level physics course (Except courses on electromagnetism). My knowledge in other fields of physics solely comes from teaching myself using various media.

I learned a myriad of things in engineering school: Real-Time systems, Control Engineering, Signal Processing, Power Electronic Design, etc. Yet, such topics never appealed to me as much as my studies did in high school. As I finished my first semester of my second year, I browsed the library and picked up books on various topics, stumbling upon Serway, Moses and Meyer's "Modern Physics"

My interest on physics was in a "Full swing" after a few days. Before long, I finished learning a semester's worth of relativity and quantum mechanics. Summer gave me ample time and opportunity to explore different avenues in physics: Classical Mechanics, Statistical Physics, as well as different avenues of modern physics. Besides physics, I have taught myself the basics of certain branches of mathematics such as Group Theory and topology. My studies would often be carried late into the nights, which I enjoyed. The sheer effort put into covering a broad spectrum of material has enabled me to appear for the GRE Physics test, in which I scored a 790, being in the 71st percentile.

I tried my hand at Physics research during the summer at a separate university. One professor was kind enough to introduce me to a doctoral student of his. Through him, I was able to carry out some small research into Supersymmetry. Although I had conversations discussions regarding other fields of the so called "New-Physics" such as string theory and grand unified theory. Moreover, this phase was particularly important to me as it was an opportunity to explore the world of particle physics, something I had an interest in for a while. This, combined with my late nights, has consolidated the fact that I can quickly adapt to the heavy course load and new, yet difficult material I will encounter in graduate school.

Further research experiences include working on two microcontroller projects and submitting a research project titled "Forward Error Correction in Communications Systems" to a national-level engineering competition entitled "Innovate Malaysia". My project has been one of the few chosen amongst countless entries, which has allowed me access to expensive and advanced engineering software for which I will receive fully paid training.

Other than academia, I have participated in a number of extra-curricular activities. I have been the IT officer and the secretary of The Bangladesh Society at my university. Furthermore, I have been to different countries before and have met people from diverse backgrounds. These experiences are important for two reasons. Number one, it has significantly improved my communication skills; Number two, it has built up my adaptability to change.

All in all, despite the anomaly, I believe that through sheer willpower and tenacity, I can acclimate well to graduate school and hopefully prove to be a valuable asset and a student. After completing graduate studies, I hope to continue to work in theoretical physics, be it in huge labs or small groups while shouldering any additional responsibility and hardship; continuing to explore the quantum world using my mind.
shadman19922   
Dec 4, 2013
Graduate / My immigrant parents did an amazing job ; Speech-Language Pathology PS [4]

I like your description on your background and your experiences guided you towards your major and your description of past research experiences.

However, your points are a bit jumbled up and the transition between different aspects of your statement are not handled very well. Your points need to be organized better and separated.

One more thing. You mentioned that the school your applying to has various research areas. This can be enhanced by elaborating on the kind of research carried out at the university you are interested in.
shadman19922   
Dec 4, 2013
Graduate / Automobiles have fascinated and captivated my attention MS-Auto/MECH - SOP [4]

I was always interested in machines and its mechanisms(Try opening your essay with something more original ). My father is a Doctor, a Dermatologist. He has a complete setup of dermatology and cosmetic clinic but I never found interest in his field. I was always inclined towards engineering and hence I chose a vocational course instead of biology or language in my junior college. When it was time to decide on my undergraduate course(You can cut down on this ), I chose Mechanical Engineering because it would provide me with a firm foundation in the basics of Engineering while allowing me to maintain flexibility with my graduate studies. After completing four years of this course I feel very pleased and satisfied about my decision of opting bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. The coursework I have taken, as well as the experiences I have had throughout my undergraduate years, have really inspired me to pursue further studies in Mechanical Engineering.

Paragraphs 3,4 and 5 describe whatever experiences you have. You really need to cut down on the EXCESSIVE DETAILS about your work and study experiences, and talk more about how those experiences would help you in graduate school. For example, you mentioned that being a speaker for your club helped you build up public speaking skills. You need to talk a little about how better speaking skills will help you in grad school.

Master's Degree in Mechanical Engineering at --------------- university will help me achieve my goal. Ongoing research on ------ and --------- matches closely with my interest. Moreover I would like to work with Dr.----------- since his research interests are in resonance with mine. I thus wish to pursue the graduate program at Clemson University, because I know it will provide me with the skills and knowledge needed to pursue my educational and career goals.

You need to talk more about the university itself and the possible classes you might take to add to your repertoire of knowledge and skills.

That's all.

Can I request you to review my SOP as well?
shadman19922   
Dec 5, 2013
Graduate / Understand and work with elementary particles; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell. [8]

Avoid my last comment. I have a few questions:

1. Should I keep the part where I discuss why Cornell would be a good place to study, or should I rewrite that too.

2. I'd like to bring it to the attention of the admissions committee that I'm mostly self taught. My intention isn't to belittle my own experiences, but rather to point out that I'm.... "unusual". Can clever wording help me tackle this with strength, clarity and resolve? Or is my background fundamentally weak enough to prevent me from actually having a chance?
shadman19922   
Dec 5, 2013
Graduate / Understand and work with elementary particles; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell. [8]

I considered your opinions, and rewrote my background. See if this is more up to standards

I had a strong performance in Sciences and Mathematics back in high school, but no strong direction as to what I wanted to do in life. The usual route for students strong in sciences and mathematics in Bangladesh is to study engineering or medicine, and accounts of the returns one can have during their professional period with a degree in either field sounded appealing. Therefore, I took up electrical engineering as a major and hoped everything would proceed fine.

It took me a few months to realise that for the first time I simply could not enjoy the majority of the classes I took or the material I studied. My lack of interest in the subject meant chaos for me, particularly because I can only produce excellent results if something can captivate my interest. And the thought of having to do something I simply did not enjoy for a living frequently lead to bouts of frustration. As a result I was simply not involved in my studies the same way I was before joining university. I did do well in my classes, but not great.

The search for a different direction and an impetus lead me to the Nobel Prize website, and the biographies of several prize winners. Everyone seemed to be doing interesting work and learning interesting things since their undergraduate years. What was even more interesting and perhaps encouraging was that there were a number of scientists who made bold transitions to a field completely different from their educational background. This provided the much needed inspiration to take a step forward and apply for graduate physics.

It was a nice surprise to find a nice collection of physics books in my library, considering my university did not have a physics department. My studies in Quantum Mechanics and Relativity began in earnest and it was not long before I considered switching over to physics once I was finished with my undergraduate studies. On a whim, I emailed a few graduate departments, explaining my situation, and received a few encouraging replies, with the mention that it is possible to be a successful physicist with an unusual background.

Although fulfilling the requirements to apply for physics graduate school is quite daunting, especially regarding the extant knowledge applicants are expected to have, which is reflected in subject test scores. Thankfully, not everything during my undergraduate years turned out to be completely useless, given the synergy between engineering and physics. My classes in circuits, electricity and magnetism equipped me with the necessary to tackle any undergraduate level problem. And my knowledge in mathematics (both learned in classes and self-taught) allowed me to ease into material which I could not learn in classes.

Given the common ground in engineering and physics, combined with my knowledge of mathematics, a new-found passion of physics and a renewed interest in studying, my pedagogical process went ahead at full-speed. During my second year, I would attend my engineering classes, finish up homework and assignments as quickly as I could, and devote my nights to study physics. This allowed me enough time and opportunity to cover material taught in undergraduate level physics, including more advanced topics such as relativity, QM in three dimensions, Boltzmann functions and partitions, etc.

As second year ended, I emailed a few physics professors at different universities, asking around if anyone would be interested in taking me in as a research assistant. One professor from the University of Malaya was kind enough to introduce me to a doctoral student of his. This was beneficial in two ways. One, this allowed me to fully understand whether I was covering the required material. Second, I was introduced to particle physics. This was an interesting opportunity to learn what was going on at the forefront of the field. Besides my studies, summer was spent learning what a professional physicist does: Solve Feynman Diagrams, plough through a multitude of data to detect and observe the behaviour of new exotic particles, and perform monte-carlo simulations to predict the existence of any new physics.

As tedious and difficult it was, the work was enjoyable nonetheless and heightened my interest in physics.
shadman19922   
Dec 15, 2013
Graduate / I hope to continue to work in physics; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell [3]

So, after the feedback received on my last statement, and after days of thought and writing, here is a new version of my SOP.

I want you to become a theoretical physicist when you grow up". I was about thirteen years old when my father first said that, being inspired by the character Larry Fleinhardt from the the TV series "Numbers" (Stylized "Numb3rs"). Although I never put any serious thought into it at such a young age, partially because I had no understanding of what a theoretical physicist did, and partially because I was developing an interest in electrical motors by reading about them from various textbooks. My interest in engineering was further strengthened by building my own toy tractors out of a mechanical set my grandfather gifted me back then and connecting and powering them with an electric motor.

Having a strong aptitude in natural sciences and advanced mathematics, I chose a major in electrical and electronics engineering with high expectations. However, my interest in the major quickly waned, particularly because a large portion of the content had very little roots in physics (for example software programming or embedded hardware).

As a result, I searched for a new direction. The search for a different direction and an impetus lead me to the Nobel Prize website, and the biographies of several prize winners. Everyone seemed to be doing interesting work and making amazing discoveries. There were a number of scientists who made bold transitions to a field completely different from their educational background, and this gave me the much needed encouragement to make a decision to switch over to physics.

It was a nice surprise to find a nice collection of physics books in my library, considering my university did not have a physics department. My studies in Quantum Mechanics and Relativity began in earnest and it was not long before I considered switching over to physics once I was finished with my undergraduate studies. Ironically, I have decided to take up physics as my future. On a whim, I emailed a few graduate departments, explaining my situation, and received a few encouraging replies, with the mention that it is possible to be a successful physicist with an unusual background.

Although fulfilling the requirements to apply for physics graduate school is quite daunting, especially regarding the extant knowledge applicants are expected to have, which is reflected in subject test scores. Thankfully, not everything during my undergraduate years turned out to be completely useless, given the synergy between engineering and physics, and particularly the common ground of calculus. My classes in circuits, electricity and magnetism equipped me with the necessary mathematical knowledge to tackle undergraduate level problems. And my knowledge in mathematics (both learned in classes and self-taught) allowed me to ease into material on which I had no formal training on.

Given the common ground in engineering and physics, combined with my knowledge of mathematics, a new-found passion of physics and a renewed interest in studying, my pedagogical process went ahead at full-speed. I would attend my engineering classes, finish up homework and assignments as quickly as I could, and devote my nights to study physics. This allowed me enough time and opportunity to cover material taught in undergraduate level physics, including more advanced topics such as relativity, QM in three dimensions, Boltzmann functions and partitions, etc. The sheer effort put into studying physics allowed me to appear for the GRE Physics test, in which I scored a 790, being in the 71st percentile.

As second year ended, I emailed a few physics professors at different universities, asking around if anyone would be interested in taking me in as a research assistant. One professor from the University of Malaya was kind enough to introduce me to a doctoral student of his. The research was focused in super-symmetry. The research was focused on mining through data to search for the existence of any new or exotic particles. My work was review a primer on super-symmetry, and in particular look for equations and models which predict the creation of super-partners in high energy sub-atomic reactions. I have gained immense knowledge during my summer time, learning the Wess-Zumino Model, Chrial and gauge supermultiplets, superfields, and Feynman diagrams associated in supersymmetric reactions and transformations. Besides learning the loops of the day to day activities of a phycisist: going through papers, learning monte-carlo simulations, etc. Besides learning how to do research, I enjoyed the atmosphere of academia: Being able to have lively discussions on physics, new ideas and aspirations for the future over coffee. This is an environment I would very much like to have in my professional career, a desire which fuels my passion of doing research and being part of academia.

An engineering background does give me distinct advantages to do physics research, in experimentation and instrumentation particularly. An engineering background did allow me to develop skills and knowledge in hardware and software. Modern Physics experiments often require the use of programming and microcontrollers to control parameters in various experiments, for example the timing of laser pulses in low-temperature physics experiments, making sensors(Entire sections of physics departments are sometimes dedicated to accelerator physics) and the aforementioned monte-carlo simulation in experiments.

Armed with the necessary knowledge, passion and an unusual background, it is with confidence I apply to Cornell. The physics department in Cornell has a number of characteristics which makes it a great place to pursue graduate studies in. Although I mentioned that my interests lie in particle theory, I would like to experience other fields in physics as well. The first two years at Cornell would allow me to take general courses such as quantum theory. This would allow me to fill any gaps I have in my knowledge followed by specialized courses during the second year to enhance my physics knowledge and the Advanced Laboratory (Physics 6510) course would equip me with the necessary experimental skills. Furthermore, the ability to take courses offered by other departments (With consent from the special committee) would allow me to enhance my knowledge in mathematics (In Differential Geometry, for example), which I firmly believe a physicist should continuously broaden knowledge in.

Furthermore, Cornell has a broad spectrum of research, from the scale of the quantum foam to that of the largest galaxies, in both theoretical and experimental sciences. The research groups that hold particular interest for me are the Theoretical and experimental elementary particle group, carrying out research into "New-Physics" as well as the unification of the standard model with gravity. What makes the particle group even more interesting is its membership with CMS and LHC. With interesting research going on ceaseless, coupled with the cooperative nature among everyone in the department, would allow me to frequently discuss and exchange ideas with supervisors, seniors and colleagues alike, fulfilling the need for an intellectual atmosphere.

All in all, despite the anomaly, I believe that through sheer willpower and tenacity, I will acclimate well to graduate school and hopefully prove to be a valuable asset and a student. After completing graduate studies, I hope to continue to work in physics, be it in huge labs or small groups while shouldering any additional responsibility and hardship; continuing to explore the quantum world and enjoy being surrounded by like-minded and intelligent peers.
shadman19922   
Dec 18, 2013
Graduate / I hope to continue to work in physics; SOP for pursuing Physics at Cornell [3]

FINALLY! A feedback. Thank you very much.

Now, let me state how to fix the problems:

1. OK, so I need to make it a complete sentence.

2. Do you want me to develop on why I was more interested in pursuing engineering in the first place? I can do that, but the problem is I already exceeded 1000 words. If I have to develop on this point, I have to cut corners somewhere else. :(

given my background, I don't want to cut down on the physics portion of the statement, but I'll develop the point and post it as a reply

3. I'll combine the two paragraphs.
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Graduate / I was highly motivated by the cutting edge research technologies; MS in VLSI- SOP [6]

With the ever-increasing complexity in VLSI systems today, power consumption...

This belongs in the essay, but not in the position you placed it at. Thing is(this is coming from a major or Electrical And Electronics Engineering), if you have something particular you want to focus on during grad school, the problem you want to focus on should come from your work experiences. So it should be something like: "I worked in A, B and C, and I found this and that problem, hence I want to work on this". I hope you get my point here

My meritorious performance in AIEEE (stood in the top 0.5%) secured me admission into Electronics and Communication Engineering in National Institute of Technology Warangal, which is ranked 13th among the engineering colleges in India.

This is something that I feel is simply not needed in an SOP, and I do not understand why a lot of people mention this in their SOPs. I don't mean to offend anyone, but it does not add anything to your graduate school application portfolio. It's good that you stood out among so many, but remember graduate studies are significantly different from what you previously did.

And finally, you haven't properly rectified the mistake I mentioned before, you need to talk a lot more about the graduate school you plan on applying to, and how you think the school will help you.

Here's the thing, It is important that you provide some detailed exposure to what you did during your work periods, but keep details like that for a CV which I think most online applications allow you to upload. Instead of trying so hard to impress with your credentials, try taking a more personal approach to the SOP
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Graduate / SOP-Graduate Essay- PhD- Materials Science (biomaterilas/biomedical) [5]

This seems well written. You started off with how your interest in materials science began and properly transitioned into you education, work and research experiences. You've described your experiences adequately, and your growth from doing such research without drowning the reader in excessive details. And the tone and the way the essay is written gives this a nice, personal touch.

Since you are applying directly for a PhD, you may want to talk a little more about what you exactly plan to do your research on, and what direction you plan on taking based on the results of that research.

Best of luck with your applications. This SOP definitely has the potential to grab the attention of admissions.
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Chemistry Competition; MIT - Situation didn't go as planned [3]

The "Lost once, won at the second time" theme is a bit generic, and the story you provided lacks detail. While it is commendable that you got accepted, this won't make you stand out in a pool of competitive applicants
shadman19922   
Dec 27, 2013
Graduate / My ambition in life is to make humans life even bette; Master's- robotics; SOP [2]

Your biggest problem is with the structure and content of your statement. This essay is simply out of order, the statement leaves much to be desired and doesn't allow the reader to know much about you as a person. And your transitions between different points are handled extremely poorly.

Now, moving onto dissecting this.

Master of robotic system development ..

I understand this is what you plan to do after you graduate. Problem is, the way you worded it makes your goals and aspirations look dull and generic, and people already know the robotics will drive us towards a better future.

Before I make any further comments, I'd like to bring to your attention the fact that an SOP is an opportunity for you to bring the attention of the admissions committee to things that don't get mentioned in other parts of your application. With that said:

I am currently working in process Industries ..

Since I'm applying for graduate school myself, I know very well you'll have an opportunity to mention the above quoted description in other parts of your application. It's better you talk about how this work has shaped your goals and led to your growth, both as a person and as an engineer.

Why MRSD...
I am already associated with industry and seeking career in commercial sector of automation and robotics this program is best for my further career development...

Your description of why MRSD is simply inadequate. Since you're applying for MRSD, you need to talk about what research the department carries out and how your interests run parallel with that. You should also talk about the classes you can take if you get accepted by MRSD. Admissions departments do look for the fact that you've properly researched their school before applying.

I believe my overall performance of academic, experience and awards I have received will be only in the root of future success and career goal...

Again, this will probably get mentioned in other parts of your application. I'm not saying not to talk about your experiences, but problem is, you don't talk about how the experiences you've gone through has shaped you or changed you.

I believe in consistence learning through life and adding more value to self to get success in any field.

You've got to come up with a far better conclusion.
shadman19922   
Dec 29, 2013
Graduate / SoP for MS Computer Engineering in a US University [6]

This essay suffers from spelling mistakes, Grammar problems and poor transitions. Moving past that,

This isn't the most ideal way of starting your SOP. I'm sure whatever you present here will be present in your CV as well. Try starting the essay with an anecdote, or an event that influenced you to become an engineer in the first place.

One paragraph feels like a continuation of the other, it's better you join these up.

I have a huge issue with how you worded this paragraph, with the excessive use of the pronoun "I", it often interrupts the flow of my read, try to make smoother transition between the sentences. Furthermore, you've merely described your experiences, but you haven't described how it makes you want to pursue higher studies in engineering. You need to talk more about how it lead to your growth, and how these experiences will help you in graduate school.

This seems fine, but it should come after your description of what you plan to do in graduate school.

Your description of why you want to attend said [US University] is simply inadequate. This shows that you have not figured out a well thought out plan on what you want to do and how you plan on doing it, this is something that belittles the impression you create in front of an admissions officer. You need to talk more about the courses you plan on taking, the kind of research the department carries out and how it runs parallel with your own interests. You need to show them that you've properly researched their department before you thought of applying.

I am pleased to apply for the MS Computer Science and Engineering in [US University] to study in spring or summer semester. I am ready for any conditions that it is required to get the acceptance.

Doesn't the application ask for which semester you plan on applying for? :S . And you're supposed to fulfill conditions required for you application to be considered, if you want to get accepted, you have to make yourself stand out, and this statement does a very poor job of showcasing you.

Your statement simply lacks depth, personality, comprehensiveness and confidence. This is something that will simply not catch the attention of the admissions committee.

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