Essays / Convincing my professor that I understand: Structure of Writing [5]

My English Class is quickly coming to an end. We have a persuasive argument we must make to convince our Professor that we have learned the required objectives to pass the Eng 112 course.

This is my intro and thesis statment. Can anyone give me some advise, whether i am on the right track or not?

Before attended English 112 I was unclear of the structure of writing. I did not understand fully how to organize my thoughts on paper by planning drafting and revising, in order to develop more complex papers. My lack of ability to analyze and critique a reading and utilize research to support my ideas was weak. I could critically read and understand the main point the author was making, but I could not express it in a claim that he made through development and style to a certain audience. I had no understanding on how to cite materials used within a text and thru APA style. I intend to prove that all of my misunderstanding about writing when it relates to structure, purpose and development and research are at satisfactory expectations for the level of Eng 112. And I feel most confident that I have obtained the required objectives of the curriculum in basics writing skills and will continue to use the resources available to assist me in my future courses at DeVry..

Misha

Writing Feedback / Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process [10]

We had to read two essay's relating to commercialism and advertisement, the affect on children.
The one essay is "Lunchbox Hegemony" author Dan Cook takes a closer look at "kiddie capitalism" and the history of the child consumer.

The second essay is "Which One of These Sneakers Is Me?" Douglas Rushkoff explains in this article that the younger generation is more consumer savy, forcing retailers to rethink how they brand and market goods. But Rushkoff explains , it's a game they cannot win.

I agreed with both authors in how they perceive that the marketers prey on the minds of the young, with values and beliefs others than their parents.

I had to take views of both writers and incorporate into my claims in my essay.

"Targeting the Young"

The materials they use to create their own meanings are preprogrammed with brand identification, gender, race, and class cliché's and standards good- bad dichotomies. And, as any marketer will tell you, exposure to target market is nine-tenth of the brand battle." (p.113) Dan Cook (2008) writes in his essay "Lunchbox Hegemony". Children are being targeted by advertisements to purchase their products. Parents feel pressured with all the advertisements and are almost forced into giving in just to have peace. Children are no longer seen as children they are controlling households in a way so that they will nag their parents for the things they see advertised, thus causing strife, stress and misery in the family. It's almost as if they have lost their innocence of childhood. Children are given power and rights over their parent's beliefs. Parents should take back control of their children's purchasing behaviors.

I have noticed in the past decade or so that parents are just giving in to their children's want because the pressures of the media are too much for them to compete with. As stated by Cook, "The cultural marketplace is now a key arena for the formation of the sense of self and of peer relationships, so much so that parents often are stuck between giving into a kid's purchase demands or risking their child becoming on outcast on the playground." (Cook, 2008, p.113) Being a parent, I found myself constantly teaching my son Brandon, to be unique and not feel compelled to follow others. I never taught him the typical practices, it was always out of the norm, I encouraged him and exposed him to many cultures and practices to allow him to be well rounded and unique and comfortable in whom he is. He soon found out that his fellow peers viewed him with having his own style and mind with a very different attitude. I recognized that he soon enjoyed being different and separated himself from the mainstream and aimed to be different. While other kids wore T-shirts or hoodies because that is what all the advertisers were promoting for young boys to wear for school clothes, I refused to allow Brandon to do it. I dressed him in shirts, khaki or jeans. We as parents must not allow these corporations to identify who our kids are, we must teach our children to have high self esteemed with values is important and helps to determine the decisions we make in our life. If we become independent thinkers and choose to be different and not easily persuaded into the average thought processes, just maybe these markers will appeal to no one.

Because merchandisers use these trends to create different social stereotypes children, are left trying to define themselves by the brands. As Rushkoffs states in his essay, "Which one of these sneakers is Me" (Rushkoff,2000,p120 ) Especially with children, they are very impressionable and easier to convey these messages too: they are in a state of trying to identify with themselves it causes them to identify with an existing image, not of their own. We must be their foremost role models. It's a shame when these marketers prey on children to promote products and values in these children when the parents often disapprove. Some kids do pick up on the tactics the marketers are doing. That's when more research is done to identify these defenses in order to address these countermeasures and on it goes. (Rushkoff, 2008, p120).

Not long ago parents had the foremost influence over their households. Yes, kids did sneak and hide a magazine here and there but they were not exposed like today. Adults that were strangers could not impose values or beliefs on a child without the consent of a parent. Children were able to have an imagination through listening to the radio. It was the only from of advertisement, then came the TV which gave a visual connections for the marketers to use or sneak into the minds of children. Nowadays the electronic age makes it easier for these companies or marketers to attack your kids without you even realizing it. I remember a time when children were dependent of their family's views and morals for their development of their character, now with the bombardment of aggressive commercial culture the relationship between children and their parents are breaking down. This causes a degradation of family values.

Children are given too many choices. Children today have attitudes as if they are protected by the rules of the courts, and as parents we are just financially responsible. But you can't tell them what to do. Why? Because society has given them rights and they are reminded of them in school. I remember a time when children weren't exposed to much advertisement making it easier for parents to control what was shown to them. In essence, society is educating our children with values not of our own: whether you like it or not. Children today have a much different approach to even my generation. They are definitely informed consumers. Cook states, "What is troubling, though, is not just that kids demand goods by brand name as 2 years old."(2008, p.115) Children are ultimately getting their way, and society has taught them that a demanding attitude is an effective tool for getting their way. The culture of catering to children and the bombardment of the media has made it difficult for parents to do parenting. Society, has discreetly introduced ideas into children minds without parents' permission.

As a result children are forced upon this culture forced and dictated by the media and not from a loving family. They are stripped away from their innocence and the security of a family, for the benefits of the marketers and big corporations for their profit.

Children are no longer seen as innocent children they are controlling households in a way so that they will nag their parents for the things they see advertised, thus causing strife, stress and misery in the family. Parent must bring back the values and morals of raising a child over what these big corporations have done to the family. Parents must come to recognize that these are their kids. The government can't do parents job for them, but it certainly can give them the legal rights they need to stand up effectively to these large corporations that target our kids. They should not feel under pressure by a culture designed to nag until they give in, and to usurp the function of instilling values and morals in their kids' lives.

Can anyone give me ideas on my essay on the closing! or overall essay
Thanks Misha

Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Subject essay is given "Never too Buff"
It is about the obsession with body images that boys and men have that is unrealistic. What society through the media,magazines,and toys show in the subliminal that are damaging the images young boys are trying to achieve. And how it's only obtainable by the use of steroids or the obsessive behavior that it causes.

We have to write an argumentative essay agreeing/refute a claim he has made.
" More than half of the boys aged 11-17 chose as their physical ideal an image attainable only by using steroids: So, they do."(Cloud, 2008,p 50)

I would like help with creating a thesis.
I have two examples of thesis statment which i came up with: Which is best if any?
#1 Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal messages by the television shows,magazines,computer games and even in society which will cause phychological disoders mentally and phycially.

#2 Extremes of this obsession of body image that pop culture demonstrates through TV, magazines and society will eventually turn our young boys to the world of drug abuse.

Which thesis if any is good?