Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by kyh8252
Joined: Jun 28, 2013
Last Post: Jun 30, 2013
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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kyh8252   
Jun 30, 2013
Undergraduate / NYU Tisch School Of The Arts The film anf TV Supplement essays [2]

One day in early years of my live, I was allowed to watch TV ,

revise this sentence. maybe try something like " In the early years of my life, one of those days i was allowed to watch TV."

or just at the word " the " in between "in" and "the"
kyh8252   
Jun 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'growing concern'; Work or travel for a year beween high school and university [6]

Most serious of all can be that there are a good few difficulties in coming back to study after a travelling or working year, or to make it clearer, other children will have an obvious advantage over those who do not study for a year will for definite lose a certain amount of knowledge.

i would suggest maybe taking a second look at "or to make it clearer" it sounds a little weird when i read this out loud, it may be correct but, it might be safe to go with something like " or to make it flawless" or maybe just switch up the words and say something like " to make it more clear"
kyh8252   
Jun 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Essay B # 3- CU Boulder - 'Pay check to pay check is how I have lived' [5]

Pay check to pay check is how I have lived the passed 17 years of my life. My mother at 17 unfortunately wasn't writing college essays; she was writing checks for diapers at the local grocery store. When I was four years old my mother made the best decision for her family; she left my father and continued a single life with her two kids ages 4 and 5 in Vernal, Utah. My mother tried her best to prevent her kids from making the same mistakes as she did. Neither my mother nor father attended college, or anyone in my family for that matter. This affected me and my academics in many ways, not having an experienced care giver in academics to show me the right steps in order to have a successful future. Surrounding myself with the right friends in high school helped to me understand the importance of education.

My grandfather always said the best knowledge comes from experience, although the only experience the one person who raised me had was how to support a child. It took the hard way to figure out school and how important it really was. My junior year of high school was not my strongest year. I found that at this time I had become flustered with all of the mistakes that I had made I found out who I am as well as who I want to be the summer of 2013.

Despite all the rough challenges that I have faced in my life I realized that through my athletics I have learned what dedication and motivation is all about and why it is important to me. That is why I feel I would be great addition to the CU community in Boulder, Colorado.
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