Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by zfanfore
Joined: Jul 21, 2013
Last Post: Jul 22, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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zfanfore   
Jul 21, 2013
Undergraduate / My life in Haiti ; Challenge I have faced and how it has shaped my thinking [4]

Question
Tell us about personal, social or family challenges you have faced. How have you dealt with them and how have they shaped your thinking? [max 500 wrds]

As a young boy, my life in Haiti always revolved around my parents. They would do everything for me, and I was content with that. Now that I had moved to the United States at my uncle's, I was pretty much on my own. "Mom and Dad are not here anymore [name], you have to take care of yourself from now on" I would often tell myself looking at the mirror in the morning.

At first, this task seemed to be daunting; I was new to the country, my language skills were poor and I had to go to a new school. Everything seemed to be different: the roads going up and down, the skyscrapers reaching for the clouds, and even the crystal white snow. Getting to explore this new setting was exciting, yet, since it was an environment that I hardly knew anything about, I could not help feeling frightened.

School was a whole different story for itself. I was in the middle of my freshmen year when I moved, and everything I had learned in French, had to be translated to English. That was perhaps the most difficult part of the transition. I could have been a lazy kid and just let time help me get better, but then I thought: "Will that really benefit me?" Completing the academic school year was my new goal and in order to achieve it, I had to study twice as hard as my classmates, while learning English as fast as I could. Countless nights had passed in the process, but seeing myself getting better after each week made it well worth it.

At some point in life, we all experience a time that makes us become more or less like an adult; a time when we grow as a person. Without any doubt I would say that moving to New York was my rite of passage. As I was exposed to a new world full of opportunities, I came to realize that only I can shape my future. My parents were not here to guide me through everything anymore; consequently, I had to think more maturely and set my real priorities in life-education. It was not always fun to not have my parents to rely on as much as before, but for the person I became after that, I am glad that I had to face this challenge.
zfanfore   
Jul 21, 2013
Undergraduate / ANIMATOR; Statement of purpose for Scad (Animation interest) [4]

First of all, remove the "Hello"
Second: dont say : "I have all the right t get accepted" you sound arrogant. say something lie : " why I should be considered as a strong applicant"

third: :"from the time i was born"? did you even know what animation was when you just came out of you mother's womb?

No slang like "till"
Correct other spelling/grammar mistakes
zfanfore   
Jul 21, 2013
Undergraduate / hardships you have faced? How have you dealt with them, and the outcomes. [6]

December 15, 2010 was one of your typical gloomy days; the wind was blowing, the trees were shaking and the sky was grey. Nonetheless, the weather did not affect my excitement on that day because winter recess had just started, and I was traveling. I had never traveled before in my life and just the thought of going to the airport gave me butterflies in my stomach. "It's time to go [name] !" said my mother standing by the car. I took one last glance at my one way Port-au-Prince, Haiti to New York, U.S.A. ticket-I was ready to leave, but I never suspected that it was the beginning of a new chapter of my life.

As a young boy, my life in Haiti always revolved around my parents. They would do everything for me, and I was content with that. Now that I had moved to the U.S. at my uncle's I was pretty much on my own. "Mom and Dad are not here anymore [name], we have to take care of ourselves from now on" I would often tell myself looking at the mirror in the morning. At first, this task seemed to be daunting; I was new to the country, my language skills were very poor and I had to go to a new school. Back then, everything was so different: the roads going up and down, the skyscrapers bigger than anything I had seen before, and even the white snow. It was the first time I had seen snow in my whole life and it was pretty amazing. I had to get used to that abrupt change as fast as possible.

School was a whole different story for itself. I was in the middle of my freshmen year when I moved, and everything I had learned in French, had to be translated to English. I remember that being perhaps the most difficult part of the transition. I had to study twice as hard as my classmates, while learning English as fast as I could, if I wanted to continue the curriculum I started back in Haiti. I did not know anything about the school system in New York, and the only way I was going to find was by asking others, despite the fact that I would rather stay in my comfort zone. Fortunately though, as I learned to find my way around the new school environment, I had the opportunity to meet some great people from China, Ecuador, Guyana and even other Haitians who became my best friends. They gave me valuable information about how the school works, and if it weren't for what I learned from them, I would not have succeeded my goal of completing the school year successfully.

Three year later, here I am sitting at my desk writing this essay for my college application. As I move my hands across the keyboard, I can't help but think about how my old self behaved, and it makes me realize how much I have changed. At some point in life, we all experience a time that made us become more or less like adult; a time when we grow as a person, without any doubt I would say that moving to New York was my rite of passage.

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Plz! Give good and well explained opinions. I was on a mental block for like 12 hrs and that is the best I could come up with...*I know it's terrible* but any suggestions? It needs to be less than 500 words but its 545...What should I remove?
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