Sdas
Jul 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL;Should parents limit their children watching TV to make them do well in shcool? [4]
i think you have written a good essay...
i think you have written a good essay...
Sdas
Jul 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / Claim & Reason: Surest indicator of great nation is wellfare of people [3]
Question:
Claim: The surest indicator of great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
The claim and the reason clearly states that the indication of a great nation depends on the welfare of its people, ignoring the contribution of the rulers, poets, scientists. On the contrary, a great nation is symbolized by the Wellness of the people as a whole, the people and the rulers, poets, scientists and so on. The wellness of the people is judged by the mental, political, social environment provided by the rulers. I contend that the achievements of the rulers, poets, scientists are meant for the welfare of the people.
At first, a great nation is characterized by the level of welfare that it provides to its common people. A general welfare deals with the basic amenities such as education, health care, housing, sanitation, jobs, communication, transport, etc. After fulfilling these basic amenities it can look forward to contribute to its people. In the past the great Tang dynasty in china at that time maintained a civil social system by recruiting officials through standardized exams .At present, United States is a great nation for its low unemployment rate, high living of standard, which is known all through the world. On the other hand if the ruler is not capable then not only the people will be deprived from common welfare but also from their general rights. For example, the people of Afghanisthan, who faced three decades of war. They don't have the minimum welfare for their development. They even loose opportunity to study, which in turn effects the development of the nation. So, it can be seen from above that welfare of the common people is prerequisite for a great nation.
However, we should not ignore the contribution of the rulers, poets, scientists to the nation's greatness. A great nation is the result of its great people. India is a developing country with lower welfare than developed countries, but this does reduce its greatness in its peoples' mind. India has the one of the best educated people in the world and individuals have contributed in various fields. Gandhi is one of the greatest man who advocated non-violence and many other movements which helped India to gain her independence. Tagore had won the Nobel Prize in the field of literature and so had Satyajit won the lifetime achievement Oscar Award for his excellence in cinema. From the above statements, we can conclude that India as a great nation in terms of the achievements of the pioneering people. So, it can be stated that a nation's greatness is influenced by these pioneering people.
Although, the greatness of a nation depends on the welfare of its people but this can be further done with the help of the scientists. They have given the world great developments, which in turn helped in the welfare of the people. For example, the Scottish inventor and mechanical engineer, James Watt, inventor of Steam Engine brought fundamental changes to the Industrial Revolution through the world. His enormous contribution increased the general welfare of the people. The discovery of Penicillin by the Scottish scientist Alexander Fleming,that was effective against many previously serious diseases. This was the first level of antibiotics ever created, revolutionized the world of medicine. Therefore, the achievements of scientists and the general welfare indicate a great nation.
Finally, the welfare of people is indeed indicator of a great nation, but we should consider the achievements of the rulers, poets, scientists. In fact a nation can realize its real greatness by connecting the achievements of the pioneers with the welfare of the people.
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Please review my essay.
Question:
Claim: The surest indicator of great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
The claim and the reason clearly states that the indication of a great nation depends on the welfare of its people, ignoring the contribution of the rulers, poets, scientists. On the contrary, a great nation is symbolized by the Wellness of the people as a whole, the people and the rulers, poets, scientists and so on. The wellness of the people is judged by the mental, political, social environment provided by the rulers. I contend that the achievements of the rulers, poets, scientists are meant for the welfare of the people.
At first, a great nation is characterized by the level of welfare that it provides to its common people. A general welfare deals with the basic amenities such as education, health care, housing, sanitation, jobs, communication, transport, etc. After fulfilling these basic amenities it can look forward to contribute to its people. In the past the great Tang dynasty in china at that time maintained a civil social system by recruiting officials through standardized exams .At present, United States is a great nation for its low unemployment rate, high living of standard, which is known all through the world. On the other hand if the ruler is not capable then not only the people will be deprived from common welfare but also from their general rights. For example, the people of Afghanisthan, who faced three decades of war. They don't have the minimum welfare for their development. They even loose opportunity to study, which in turn effects the development of the nation. So, it can be seen from above that welfare of the common people is prerequisite for a great nation.
However, we should not ignore the contribution of the rulers, poets, scientists to the nation's greatness. A great nation is the result of its great people. India is a developing country with lower welfare than developed countries, but this does reduce its greatness in its peoples' mind. India has the one of the best educated people in the world and individuals have contributed in various fields. Gandhi is one of the greatest man who advocated non-violence and many other movements which helped India to gain her independence. Tagore had won the Nobel Prize in the field of literature and so had Satyajit won the lifetime achievement Oscar Award for his excellence in cinema. From the above statements, we can conclude that India as a great nation in terms of the achievements of the pioneering people. So, it can be stated that a nation's greatness is influenced by these pioneering people.
Although, the greatness of a nation depends on the welfare of its people but this can be further done with the help of the scientists. They have given the world great developments, which in turn helped in the welfare of the people. For example, the Scottish inventor and mechanical engineer, James Watt, inventor of Steam Engine brought fundamental changes to the Industrial Revolution through the world. His enormous contribution increased the general welfare of the people. The discovery of Penicillin by the Scottish scientist Alexander Fleming,that was effective against many previously serious diseases. This was the first level of antibiotics ever created, revolutionized the world of medicine. Therefore, the achievements of scientists and the general welfare indicate a great nation.
Finally, the welfare of people is indeed indicator of a great nation, but we should consider the achievements of the rulers, poets, scientists. In fact a nation can realize its real greatness by connecting the achievements of the pioneers with the welfare of the people.
----------------------------
Please review my essay.
Sdas
Jul 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / Surest indicator of great nation is wellfare of people: Claim n Reason [NEW]
Question:
Claim: The surest indicator of great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
The claim states that the indication of a great nation is not about achievements of its rulers,artists,or scientists, and the reason supports the claim indicating the welfare of its people. A great nation needs to provide all its people with the basic facilities. And these facilities should be for the welfare of its people. The claim and the reason are interrelated and the reason show the way to achieve the claim. A nation is said to be great if the achievements made by the rulers, artists, scientists are made for the welfare of the people.
A nation should think of the welfare of its common people, as they are the working people who keeps the nation moving. For instance, the every day common man is working either in a factory or a plant that gives the people electricity or some other kind of facility or necessary product. This common man is the back bone of a nation. If he/she stops working there will be shortage of many facilities which will hinder the normal process. The welfare of this common man will strengthen the back bone of the nation. The extent to which the nation can provide facilities to the common man shows the greatness of the nation.
On the other hand, the achievements made by the rulers, artists and scientists are on the individual basis. For example, the power gained by a ruler provides facilities for him/her or their family. It does not provide any support for others. If the ruler uses this power for the benefit of the common people then there will be an over all improvement in the facilities. If the scientists develop a new advanced technology that is of no use in improvement of the facilities for the common people then its not so great. Where as if it provides solution to the problems of the common people, the common people will have benefits which in turn benefits the nation.
The claim, therefore, states the right way that a nation should not see the achievements of its rulers, artists, scientists, it does not show any greatness of the nation. The reason shows the right way by which the nation might be great i.e. by the welfare of its people. Thus, this gives a clearer idea about the claim and the reason.
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Please review the above essay.
I'd be glad if you give it a rating on a 6 grade scale.
Question:
Claim: The surest indicator of great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
The claim states that the indication of a great nation is not about achievements of its rulers,artists,or scientists, and the reason supports the claim indicating the welfare of its people. A great nation needs to provide all its people with the basic facilities. And these facilities should be for the welfare of its people. The claim and the reason are interrelated and the reason show the way to achieve the claim. A nation is said to be great if the achievements made by the rulers, artists, scientists are made for the welfare of the people.
A nation should think of the welfare of its common people, as they are the working people who keeps the nation moving. For instance, the every day common man is working either in a factory or a plant that gives the people electricity or some other kind of facility or necessary product. This common man is the back bone of a nation. If he/she stops working there will be shortage of many facilities which will hinder the normal process. The welfare of this common man will strengthen the back bone of the nation. The extent to which the nation can provide facilities to the common man shows the greatness of the nation.
On the other hand, the achievements made by the rulers, artists and scientists are on the individual basis. For example, the power gained by a ruler provides facilities for him/her or their family. It does not provide any support for others. If the ruler uses this power for the benefit of the common people then there will be an over all improvement in the facilities. If the scientists develop a new advanced technology that is of no use in improvement of the facilities for the common people then its not so great. Where as if it provides solution to the problems of the common people, the common people will have benefits which in turn benefits the nation.
The claim, therefore, states the right way that a nation should not see the achievements of its rulers, artists, scientists, it does not show any greatness of the nation. The reason shows the right way by which the nation might be great i.e. by the welfare of its people. Thus, this gives a clearer idea about the claim and the reason.
------------------------
Please review the above essay.
I'd be glad if you give it a rating on a 6 grade scale.
