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Posts by khanhlinhpham
Joined: Jul 30, 2013
Last Post: Aug 4, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
Likes: 2
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 6
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khanhlinhpham   
Aug 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Is change good for people or not? [6]

There have been much debate

There has been much debate

changes is very necessary for life to have something new in our life .

changes are very necessary for people to have something new in their life.
(avoid repetition)

people fed up their daily routine life

people fed up with their daily routine

they want changes to enjoy

"enjoy" is a transitive verb. It has to be followed by an object. I think you should change the phrase into something like "they would like to have changes"

Only those people can do this, who want to reach at the top level in their career.

I think this sentence is somewhat confusing.

changes are very helpful to development of mind

changes are very helpful to the development of mind
(watch out for articles: the <noun> of <noun>)

problems and failure

problems and failures

how to to handle

On the other side

On the other hand

Everyone has habits that do not let them change

Everyone has habits that they do not want to change

the important issue is that

This phrase is grammatically correct. However, personally, I think that it should be "the main reason is that"

afraid of their future to be altered

afraid of their future being altered

due to security and familiarities with others people do not want to change

due to security and familiarities with others, people do not want to change

life in traditional way, keeps alive our culture and mother tongue.

life in the tradition way keeps our culture and native language alive.

In nutshell

.In conclusion/To sum up

people adopt changes

people adApt to changes

I think your conclusion should restate the thesis statement in your introduction. "In conclusion, changes are an essential part of life and people are adapting to them for many reasons".

deal with it

deal with them
khanhlinhpham   
Aug 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS-task2: The increase in weight but decrease in health [4]

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It can easily noticed that the avarage weight of the world's population has been increasing. Contrary to that growth, there is a considerable decrease in their health and fitness, which is proved by common diseases such as obesity or diabetes. This essay will look at the causes leading to this problem and some solutions to it.

There are many reasons that account for this health issue. First of all, it is the introduction of fast food which results in the significant increase in the average weight. Undoubtedly, fast food is mainly deep fried anf often used with coke. Such combination contains nothing but fat and calories, which is certainly harmful to health. Secondly, more and more people have had inappropriate diets. Their courses include meat, sweets and even junk food, while the amount of vegetable is reduced. This kind of meals may cause diseases from minor like tooth decay to serious such as gout or obesity. Thirdly, of the utmost importance, people are lazy in doing exercises. Taking up sports activities is one of the most effective way to work out weights and be more resistant. However, after working days, some people tend to rest on the sofas and eat snacks instead, turning themselves into couch potatoes.

The situation has been turning worse, demanding for proactive actions. The general public should be warned of the long-term effects of eating fast food. Perhaps, television programmes and newspaper had better nurture people about the threat posed by fast food. Moreover, authorities can encourage people to take part in sports activities. This will not only keep them in good shape, but also ensure a good health. In addition, children ought to be taught about healthy lifestyles such as eating square meals or non-smoking habit. Therefore, they will understand what the best way to live healthily is.

In conclusion, the increase in average weight and decrease in health results from many reasons, which can be dealt with by various measures. However, people should take immediate actions; otherwise, it will be too late to change the situation.
khanhlinhpham   
Aug 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Table graph writing, modes of travelling in England. [3]

Personally, I think it is fairly hard to follow your second paragraph.
I think you should organise it like this: The most common way of travelling (by car), followed by the less ones. Finally the least common (taxi).

You can certainly make some comparisons by using relative clauses, but make sure they are easy to understand. E.g: There were 255 miles made on foot, which was about five times higher than the figure for bicycle.

Hope this help :D
khanhlinhpham   
Jul 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS- Best way to improve public health is to improve sports facilities? [2]

a important topic => an important topic
are lacking of sports facilities => are lacking in sports facilities
accompanied equipments => accompanied equipment (equipment is an uncountable noun)
opposition view => opposite view
Increasing the number of facilities therefore only takes => Increasing the number of facilities, therefore, only takes
propagate about the benefits => propagate the benefits (no preposition)
.
In general, your essay is well organised, have a good structure and linking words.
khanhlinhpham   
Jul 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / students' next step: Should they travel or work for a year before university? [4]

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

After graduating high school, many students are faced with the question about the next step of their lives.They are confused whether working and travelling for a year or starting their tertiary lavel education immediately. Both of these ideas have their points and will be analysed in this essay.

On the one hand, if students spend a year before university travalling or working, they will gain certain benefits. They are provided with more experience from the outside world of their high school. Going to work for a year, students will be familiar with work environment. Moreover, by working or travelling, students can broaden their minds. Moreover, should they travel or work for a year, they are given the chance to develop practical knowledge and social skills. For example, those going on trips will not only learn about differrent cultures or languages, but also improve their communication skill. In addition, provided that they work hard, students may even earn money. In particular, students who decide to work are likely to earn enough money which will later be used for their study.

On the other hand, a year of travelling anf working can bring with it some adverse effects. Some students, after that gap year, do not feel like going to university. They want to keep their jobs or hope to do more travelling. Therefore, a year of travelling or working is apparently disruptive and could exert an impact on their studies. Furthermore, in order to work or travel, there is some requirements that students cannot meet. Those who want to have journeys need a sufficient budget, while those anticipating to work could be asked previous experience, which they are lacking in.

In conclusion, the idea of travelling or working for a year before going to university has pros and cons. The decision depends the the students' situations. In my opinion, a year with journeys or jobs could do students more good than harm.
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