sepideh_dodaran
Aug 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Gender Vs Career - Why some jobs are done by men and others by women/ [5]
Dear ntdang, your text was pretty good. you used so many good phrases and expressions. I am not very good at english but I write down the points that came to my mind. firstly, I want to tell you to pay more attention to your conclusion.
I do not know but it does not sound good to me. may be you can use "during our lives" or " in the last decades"
instead of this you can use " and this can be generalized to their professional lives"
" had to do" you should use past time or it is better to say " used to do"
" caring her children" by using a pronoun it looks like you make an interconnection between these two part of the sentence. once my teacher told me that it is really good by using apropriate proouns on conjunctions you make a relation between the parts of your context. also it is better to say " bring her children up"
you can say " they could spend their time to both their family and career", pay attention to the tense of your sentence
it does not sound gramatically correct for me, I do not know why, may be because you wrote two adverbs following each other. you can say " last but not the least point is..."
I wrote for the same topic too. I would be happy to get your oppinion.
Thank you very much.
Dear ntdang, your text was pretty good. you used so many good phrases and expressions. I am not very good at english but I write down the points that came to my mind. firstly, I want to tell you to pay more attention to your conclusion.
From past to now
I do not know but it does not sound good to me. may be you can use "during our lives" or " in the last decades"
this is right in job
instead of this you can use " and this can be generalized to their professional lives"
women certainly have to do
" had to do" you should use past time or it is better to say " used to do"
caring the children
" caring her children" by using a pronoun it looks like you make an interconnection between these two part of the sentence. once my teacher told me that it is really good by using apropriate proouns on conjunctions you make a relation between the parts of your context. also it is better to say " bring her children up"
Whereas, en can have sufficient time
you can say " they could spend their time to both their family and career", pay attention to the tense of your sentence
Equally importantly
it does not sound gramatically correct for me, I do not know why, may be because you wrote two adverbs following each other. you can say " last but not the least point is..."
I wrote for the same topic too. I would be happy to get your oppinion.
Thank you very much.