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IELTS; Governments can ensure all its people are educated by providing free education


posdream 4 / 12 5  
Aug 8, 2013   #1
Free education should be provided for everyone by the government regardless of educational level,some people believe the government should be able to ascertain that everyone is educated. On the contrary,others believe that education should only be free in the primary and secondary levels only. This means, individuals will have to pay for their tertiary education themselves.

On one hand,there can not be a civilized environment without a high level of education,this can only be achieved by providing free education for all,both at the primary level and the secondary level. It is also known that students will have a specific interests or ambition to what they want to become in the nearest future and this of course can not be realized by dropping out in secondary school. They need to proceed to the university where these dreams can come to actualization.

If the government cater for all levels of education,there will be less percentage of drop-outs and almost everyone will be educated.

One the other hand, the government needs money for other sectors of the economy. Sponsoring every child in all educational level can be capital intensive as there are lots of bills and allocations to be made.

If the government can provide free education for students in the primary and secondary cadres and utilize the money meant for their tertiary education on other sectors like Health and Agriculture,the society will improve a bit.

Although, I am of the opinion that education should be free in all levels as this will aid and increase the population of the elites in our society. Also, the poor and average people will have a future as they will know that all their children will be educated no matter what happens.

Please help me. I welcome all corrections.

MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Aug 8, 2013   #2
What is the full prompt of the essay? It is a discussion essay, isn't it?

,S ome people believe the government should be able to ascertain that everyone is educated. On the contrary,while others believe that education should only be free in the primary and secondary levels only

You should start a new sentence from "Some people".

This means, individuals will have to pay for their tertiary education themselves.

This sentence is not very necessary. If the question asks for your opinion, I think you should put in in the introduction.

,this can only be achieved

You can start a new sentence from "This can only...". Don't write too long sentences as readers may find it hard to follow your ideas.

there can not be a civilized environment

This idea needs to be explained and supported by examples.

Although,In conclusion, I am of the opinion that

I hope this helps!
joyhu 9 / 22 5  
Aug 8, 2013   #3
I am a new user here, and I am not good in English, too.
So, I will be really sorry if I mislead you.
Here is my advise.
You can see it as a reference.
I think the points that you stand are good.
But sometimes the context is ambiguous because of those long sentences that you made.
You can try to make a better sentence.
Keep up!
Wish you good luck. =)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 8, 2013   #4
Include your essay prompt in your post. So that we can provide you with more relevant comments.

Free education should be provided for everyone by the government regardless of educational level,some people believe the government should be able to ascertain that everyone is educated.

... This sentence fails to convey your idea and leads the reader to wonder about what you really mean. Is this what you try to mean;

Some people believe that by providing free education to the people, the governments can ensure that every countryman will be educated.

On the contrary,others believe that education should only be free in the primary and secondary levelsonly .

..."only" has been used twice.
sepideh_dodaran 2 / 4 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #5
Dear posdream
It was very good, but I want to add just one thing.As far as I know, inwriting essays for TOEFL and IELTS exam you should try to bring the concept into yourlife and specialize your essay. I mean that although your writing was pretty good, but It was not special, because everybody can say the logical sentences about the topic. The important thing is that you write in the way that when somebody is reading your text, he would really understand that these are s.th that is your real idea about the topic. Maybe by giving some examples about your life experience or using expressions like "In my opinion", "on my side", " As far as I know"


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