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Posts by sharman
Joined: Aug 21, 2013
Last Post: Aug 25, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: India

Displayed posts: 5
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sharman   
Aug 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS]Task 2: Generally believed that some people are born with certain talents [4]

Task2 :It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child ca be taught to become a good sports person or musician. discuss both these views and give your opinion

My answer
I partially agree with the statement that some people are born with talents for music or sports since i believe that it is true that children can be trained to become a good sportsperson or a musician too.

All of these claims come down to one thing ultimately and that is passion. It can be seen throughout history that certain people show passion at a very early age than others which has led them to be a successful sportsperson or a musician and earn the title "talent by birth". If "talent by birth" is to be believed then such an individual should always win and would also require no/ minimum requirement for training.

Mike Schumacher had shown his talent in driving at a very young age, though it is interpreted as talent, it has to be understood that he had just exhibited his passion for driving. Now along with the passion and the training he received he was able to make it to the top spot in the sport of racing. If it was pure talent which had led him to this glory then when he came back out of his retirement he should have been able to replicate the same without much effort but the case is not the same.

Generally when people find certain amount of elegance in the way people play and win or sing and attract audience they tag those people saying they were born with talent.

Therefore, In my Opinion I would like to say that there is a little bit of talent associated with such individuals but it is more of passion and hardwork that has driven them to such glory across any field. And because of this , any person can be trained to become a good sportsperson or a musician too.

Please provide your valuable comments

thanks,
sharman
sharman   
Aug 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / Ielts - The Diagram shows the process of using water to produce electricity. [4]

Firstly you need to use minimum 150 words and your essay has only 139 words.
Please rephrase some of your sentences to make them grammatically correct.

turns into vapour in a process labelled as

turns into vapour and this process is labelled as

When the concentration of water vapour increases the density of the clouds it becomes heavy which results in rain

water vapour increases, the cloud's density also increases making them heavy, causing it to burst in rain

able to hold back huge amounts of water by constructing strong barriers called dams

hold back huge amounts of water because of construction of strong barriers called dams.. reprashae the above sentence also.

Also try to give a overall conclusion for the above topic. Dont end it abruptly like above just give it a smooth ending like, thus from the above diagrmas we can see that ...

something like that

best,
sharman
sharman   
Aug 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / 【IELTS2】Suggest measures that could be taken to reduce impact of ageing populations. [3]

I'm not very sure but these are my findings . please get it verified again by others If Im wrong.

healthcare demands will increase by rising the number of the elderly

health care demands will increase with the rising number of elderly people ...

short of the employees due to the ageing society

shortage of employees...

difficulties for their off-springs to accomplish

Here Their off-springs refers to whom excatly is unknown. It could refer to the elderly persons off-springs , or the existing people's offsprings . need to be clearer for the reader

You could say this like "difficulties for the off-springs to accomplish

average of age

average age

First, the advance in medical care enables the senior citizens

Firstly, the advancement in medical care....#

precautions to prevent from diseases such as vaccine

is Vaccine a disease?.. I think it should be ~precautions to prevent people from catching diseases by vaccinating themselves etc ...

Too many grammatical errors .
Overall You need to rephrase a lot of sentences. You are addressing the problem of elderly people and not talking about the measures to reduce the impact of aging population.

Also you need to describe the primary problem of increased life expectancy, like the problem with space to live and the population impact on the whole world and then how to solve these problems.

what you have stated is completely different from the topic mentioned

best,
Sharman
sharman   
Aug 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task1:Table on consumer spending information in 5 countries on different item [7]

topic: The table gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002

My answer::

The table depicts the percentage of national consumer expenditure by category in the year 2002 for five selected countries such as Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey. The three categories chosen are food/drinks/Tobacco as category 1, Clothing/Footwear as category two and Leisure/Education as category three.

It can be seen that Turkey has the highest consumption in the category one and three with 32.14% and 4.35% , while Italy marks the highest in the category two with 9%. In the 1st category the second, third and fourth largest consuming countries are Ireland(28.91%), Spain(18.80%), and Italy(16.36%) respectively, leaving the last spot to Sweeden with 15.77%. Similarly, In the category two, turkey(6.63%),Spain(6.51%) and Ireland(6.43%) take the second, third and fourth spot, leaving Sweden to the last with 5.40% of consumption. Coming to the Category three, Sweeden takes the 2nd spot with 3.22%, Italy takes the third spot with 3.20%, Ireland the fourth spot with 2.21% with Spain taking the last spot with 1.98% in consumption.

Please Provide Your Valuable FeedBack..

Thanks.



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