Writing Feedback / Computers are more accessible and cheaper, more adults work at home and students study at home [2]

Please help me correct this essay. Thank you !

No1. Computers are more accessible and cheaper, as the result, more adults work at home and students study at home. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, with the advances in technologies, computer is less costly and more reachable than ever before. As a consequence, work efficiency has been improved significantly and students are allowed widely to study away from school. However, I would argue this is not a sustainable practice for a variety of reasons given in this essay.

On the one hand, constantly staying at home for work or study might give rise to an acute stress. As a matter of fact, some adults or some students, who work or study away from company or school can highly meet with heavy burden as they have to carry the responsibility for the whole task they are in charge of. Students can rarely consult their tutors and exchange ideas with their classmates. As a result, a majority of them find it substaintially hard to meet the deadlines of tasks or assignments and finally fail to withstand the pressure and become deeply depressed.

On the other hand, working and studying as a team can promote and facilitate soft skills. People might have more chance to talk and exchange ideas with each other. They can debate over and together develop the best potential plans. Likewise, in a group of students, the good ones can help the bad ones to solve the difficult assignments. Some intelligent students might even compete with each other to get the first place in school which consequently create the enthusiasm for their deeply studying and understanding of the subjects. It is apparent that people and students could hardly acquire these skills if they kept themselves away from offices and schools.

In conclusion, to work or study at home has become a prevailing trend recently thanks to computers technologies advancement. However, it would better if adults and students could work and study with colleages and classmates.

(301 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: full-time education for young people 18 and below; agree or disagree [5]

Please help me correct this essay :)

Question: Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Today, many people may hold the belief that all the young who are under 18 should devote themselves entirely to education rather than doing anything else. From my own perspectives, I would strongly agree with that view for some reasons.

To begin with, background education is truly fundamental and should always be respected by student's attention and effort. Some people commonly take highschool study for granted then don't usually learn very well. Consequently, when entering the labour market in reality, they lack the general understanding and as a result it is hard for them to create much value for their boss or even more seriously if they ruin the work they are likely to get dismissed sooner or later.

Secondly, people under 18 are also commonly too naïve to stand on their on feet to earn for a living or support others. They are being on the way of becoming adults so there are still a wide range of things about lives they need to know about. It is understandable that they are probable to get into troubles and then don't know how to get out of these mess. For example, young people can easily be abused and exploited if they know little or nothing about the labour laws. They may have to suffer by themselves and this might lead to several consequences of young people being suffered from pressure or even mental symptoms.

However, combining with full-time study, young people should also concurrently participate in after-class activities like doing social charity to obtain more soft skills which are helpful to shape their personality. Applying for a part-time job can also be viewed as a good way to build up themselves as long as young people concentrate much on the experience instead of money aspect.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that general education is of importance when concerning people who are under 18 and it should widely be favoured by governments and organizations from now.