Undergraduate / 30 Hr Famine- an event that marked my transition from childhood to adulthood- Common App [2]

Q: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

Please give me harsh criticism, I feel like I'm not answering the prompt well and my transitions are very abrupt (like one second I'm sad then all of a sudden I'm happy) Also, I feel like my ending is too weak, any suggestions? Sorry it's so long): but thank you!

As I lugged boxes of packaged food back and forth across the factory room, I vividly imagined the muscles tearing apart in my arm. So this was World Vision 30 hr famine. I felt as if I were volunteering myself to a slow, painful deterioration of my body. Outwardly, I didn't express anything. I continued to move like a robot in an assembly line, helping to package thanksgiving meals. However, inside I was raging like a monster. I glared up at the seemingly endless mountain of boxes while trying to suppress my exhaustion. I was just a volunteer, another set of hands to get the work finished and a robot, emotionless and eternally committed to its programmed duties.

Back at church, my youth group and I decided to show our gratitude on cardboard signs. I wrote in large letters, "Thankful for love". I stared down at my words. They didn't seem complete or satisfactory to me. I added down six letters that made a huge difference, so the sign later read, "Thankful for being loved" instead. As we walked into the bustling city streets, I averted my eyes from the surrounding people. Their vacant stares discouraged me. I began to think about how insignificant I was among a crowd of teenagers all holding pieces of cardboard. I was just a lifeless figure that passing strangers on the street stared at.

"Honk honk!" I quickly turned to see the optimism of family members inside of the cars as they drove by. Their happiness was contagious. A huge smile broke across my face despite the gusty, autumn weather. I started to shout, "Happy Thanksgiving!" at random strangers who were passing by. My own group saw my actions and started joining me. People began to smile as they read our signs and looks of understanding came across their faces. Encouraged, I began going out of my comfort zone to explain our motivation to questioning strangers. It was initially nerve wracking but as I talked to more people, I grew out of my trepidation of talking to strangers.

Nearing the church, I smelled and followed the heavenly scent of fresh food. Our walk and famine were ending. Happy thoughts and words were shared over our feast. I looked around the room and captured the scene into my memory. These last thirty hours defined the real meaning of fellowship: bonding together, despite non-biological relations, through priceless experiences of helping and spreading joy throughout the community. More significantly though, I reflected my childish motivation of attending out of curiosity and intention of having fun. Prior to the event, I began the fundraising because it seemed mandatory. I gathered a few friends, not because they were also attending the event, but because I wasn't bold enough to go by myself around the neighborhood asking for donations. We set a goal of two hundred dollars. As we witnessed generous donations and encouragements, I became more confident and overcame both my stutter and shyness. As the event date came closer, I totaled and realized I raised four hundred instead! Enthusiastic, I joined my youth group friends ready for fun the next night at the event

However, once here, I was instead immersed in a new world: a world of hunger. Each passing hour granted me more understanding of the hardships others face. This event impacted me with a glimpse of the real world where thirty hours without food is nothing compared to the millions of people living in poverty and starvation daily. I learned that my fundraising was going to feed and provide an education to those as far as across the world. My everlasting passion for community service and helping others blossomed. I no longer felt like a programmed robot or a lifeless figure. Instead, I matured with a more responsible, independent mindset: even if I'm young, I can and will make a difference.

Undergraduate / Describing a quirk that's a part of who I am- UVA supplement [2]

Any editing is appreciated. But also, do you think this is too boring (or even not considered a quirk)/Should I write about something else?

We are a community with quirks, both in language (we'll welcome you to Grounds, not campus) and in traditions. Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are.

"Stop dad!" I yell, as my family and I are driving around campus. At these multiple pit stops, I run out to capture the scenery, embrace the atmosphere, or just take a small unique pebble as a keepsake. "One last stop, I promise, we have to visit the Rotunda. It's the center of the entire UVA community," I urged as my father gave me sigh and a knowing look, understanding my tendency and love of exploring, photography, and documenting.

As we resume our road trip, I scribble to write the entire experience of the unofficial campus visit in my journal while it was still fresh in my mind. I don't blame my dad for his sigh. My family and friends know me for my several journals that are always bulging with mementos of each experience. What other people may think of as useless, such as a ticket stub or fallen leaf, I value as significant tokens. However, my journals are also packed with my endless thoughts in the form of ink. I write to release my feelings when I'm frustrated, facing challenges, or treasuring moments of peace and happiness. Everything from discovering a solution to a dilemma to organizing a fundraising event is documented to keep me focused, organized, and independent. Therefore if you see a girl carrying journal thats binding may be breaking from all the protruding pages, know that that is just her being herself, capturing life within the sheets of her precious journal.

Undergraduate / Notes,Notes. & more end; A work of music that has surprised/unsettled/challenged me- UVA [3]

Hi everyone! This is one of the supplements for UVA, any feedback is welcome, thank you!
What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? (word limit: roughly 250 words)

Notes. Notes. And more endless notes. I sat on the floor and stared at the seven pages of piano sheets I spread out, groaning as I set the timer for my daily hour of piano practice. How can a mere 12-yr-old and her short fingers possibly tackle Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu. I started sight reading but failing miserably, I gave up and practiced a different song. Five years have passed and here I am staring at the piece again. I have only months to perfect the piece before my major competition. I let out a small sigh but encouraged myself by reminiscing my reality dream of performing in Carnegie Hall the previous year. Placing the goal of being able to play there again in my mind, I dove into the song and was surprised by the ease and comfort I felt as my fingers glided across the keys. As I flew into the next page, my affection for the piece heightened.

Recollecting when I was first introduced to this Impromptu, I reflect over the music-less notes I once played. At that time, I only thoughtlessly played the notes I saw on the page. I didn't truly see or hear the story each note, crescendo, or key change had a part in creating. What may seem like the most necessary part- the notes, are in fact equally as important as an imagination to convey the overall fantasy for the audience to envision. After these five years, my approach to both the piano and the piece has matured; I can now see the beauty in the endless notes. The determination and patience I've developed over the years of playing piano and learning Chopin's masterpiece have reshaped my own life and character. The piano has shown me how music isn't endless scores of notes but more significantly, an exquisite story to share.