Posts by 500daysoftrisha

500daysoftrisha

Jan 4, 2014

Undergraduate / "Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities" - USC prompt [2]

. Stress on the almost.

I would change the word 'stress' to 'emphasis', sounds more powerful

x x x x x

All in all I think this is pretty solid! I'm not sure what your maximum word limit for this is but if possible, I might elaborate on some things, like give quick examples of what your own goals were, and mention how many hours you devoted to this job. Commitment always looks good. Best of luck!

500daysoftrisha

Jan 4, 2014

Scholarship / 'I am the first of my family...' Academic/career goals. Scholarship essay 400-600 words [3]

Good essay overall! I do agree with the person above, however -- transitions (such as connection sentences with "and" and such) would make the essay flow better.

500daysoftrisha

Jan 4, 2014

Undergraduate / "What can be done about it?; Accomplishment or event [4]

In our family maturity is credited to 3 factors of a person.

Insert a comma after family, and I would use the word 'three' as opposed to just the number to make it more formal

I have often asked myself, "What can be done about it? Those children at the red light begging for money need a direction".

Switch the position of the quotation mark and the period at the end

One day during my summer vacations , I heard my mother and our house maid discussing about the studies of their children. I realised she too wasn't satisfied,about the academics of her children who were enrolled at one of the schools under the government's education policy for underprivileged kids.

*vacation
* omit the word 'about'
* the comma after 'satisfied' isn't necessary
* use 'with the academics' instead of 'about the academics'
* insert comma after 'her children'

She said that the worst affected subject was computers as students barely even passed in it. My mother suggested that I knew computer subject pretty well and I could help them. The maid agreed readily.

Capitalize computers as it is the name of a subject, and change to 'I knew about computers'

This made the learning process more fun helping me retail their interest intact. I ended the classes after the end of my grade 11 in order to save time to prepare for my school leaving examinations . I plan to resume the 'classes' after I graduate from my class.

*Change 'helping me retail' to 'and helped me keep'
*Omit 'my' before grade 11
*Perhaps change 'school leaving examinations' to final exams?
* Change 'my class' to 'my own classes'

x x x x x

Hope this helped! Great message overall :)

500daysoftrisha

Jan 3, 2014

Undergraduate / 1/2 OF MY QUEENS COMMERCE SUPPLEMENTARY ESSAY [6]

Thanks! I'll definitely keep that in mind :)
To be honest I only talked about my goal for third year because their international exchange program is kind of a big deal and I wanted to show that I had done my research. But I'll definitely try to incorporate your advice!

500daysoftrisha

Jan 3, 2014

Undergraduate / 1/2 OF MY QUEENS COMMERCE SUPPLEMENTARY ESSAY [6]

In an essay of 300 words or fewer (approximately 1950 characters with spaces), write about your goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond. Your answer will be evaluated for content and writing style.

According to Dr. Seuss, the irrevocably wise man himself, I have brains in my head, feet in my shoes, and I can steer myself any direction I choose. Standing at a mere five feet on the dot, I've always been a small girl with dreams far too big, but never big enough for me to simply watch as opportunities pass me by. While the transition from high school to post secondary certainly won't be easy, I plan to carry forth my good work habits and perpetual desire to get involved with me to Queen's.

Within the very first month of my very first year at Queens, I aim to spend quality time with and get to know my new peers, as well as join several clubs. Having been a dedicated leader in my student government for most of my highschool career, I intend on applying to be an offical of the Commerce Society. Furthermore, I plan to take part in Queen's Music Club to continue to pursue my passion and talent for singing and playing acoustic instruments. That being said, I also hope to excel on an academic level at Queen's; just as I currently am, I aim to work highly diligently and meticulously in university as well. In my third year, I'd love to do an exchange at the QUT Business School in Australia, as it has been a dream of mine to explore the country.

As I still have a few more years to decide, I have yet to come to a decision on what I plan to do beyond graduation. While I'm already set on becoming a businesswoman, I am torn as to whether I prefer the financial or marketing side of commerce. However, I am ecstatic to eventually discover what the future holds for me.

500daysoftrisha

Jan 3, 2014

Undergraduate / I always believed that I wanted to be a model; NYU Bio [4]

I love this idea -- so creative! Although I would elaborate more on how NYU in particular can fulfill your academic interests

500daysoftrisha

Jan 3, 2014

Undergraduate / 1/2 OF MY QUEENS COMMERCE SUPPLEMENTARY ESSAY [6]

In 300 words or fewer (approximately 1950 characters with spaces), please demonstrate the research you have done to ensure that Queen's Commerce Program is the right fit for you.

It would definitely be an understatement, to say that when one of the recruiters at the annual Ontario university fair invited me to apply for QLEAD, I was so embarrassingly nervous. That being said, it would also be an understatement to say that stirring up enough courage to send in an application was one of the best decisions I have made in my life thus far. As fate would have it, I was chosen to be one of the lucky hundred delegates, and I still feel so fortunate to be given that opportunity to this day. Kingston, albeit foreign territory at first, soon grew to feel like home. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, suddenly there I was sitting in Goodes Hall, surrounded by the faces of possible future classmates. It was strange, how an atmosphere so new could feel so right in such a short period of time, but it did. The wise words of the QLEAD exec team still linger in my mind, and I learned so much more about the program from them than I would've been able to search the entire world wide web for. They gave me insights to the campus life, the many different extra-curriculars, how everyone is so willing to help one another, and just how close-knit the Commerce faculty truly is. As the Deputy Prime Minister of my student government, I feel that I would truly benefit from being able to work with other student leaders. Furthermore, I believe I would obtain the best education possible in the small classes of eighty students that Queens offers, under the supervision of Canada's top professors. If given the huge opportunity, Queen's Commerce is something I would definitely love (and possibly give up an arm and a leg) to be apart of.