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Posts by Ulaai
Name: Fatihah 'Ulya Hakiem
Joined: Jan 4, 2014
Last Post: May 26, 2021
Threads: 3
Posts: 42  
Likes: 27
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 45 / page 2 of 2
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Ulaai   
Feb 3, 2014
Undergraduate / Engineering - University of Toronto - "As I journeyed thorough life" [4]

As I journeyed through my life, my goals and dreams changed every once in a while. When I was ten years old, I dreamtdreamed of becoming a chef. Turn the clock forward three years into the future, and I willwould be seen dreaming of pursuing an engineering degree in computers. Today, it is simply notbetter rephrase computer engineering I want to pursue in; however, it is the track one engineering I want to pursue in the University of Toronto. During elementary school, I was diagnosed with a learning disability. My peers, parent's friends, and the media who is the media? Elaborate more or it's better not to include it judged my type of personality and said my future opportunities were limited. This angered me and I wanted to prove to the world that I can get in to university and study what I passionately loved - engineering. In high school, I had developed a great sense of passion and fascination for science, especially physics and chemistry. If you asked my friends were they would find me in school, they would say in science or mathrephrase . By combining my love and passion for science with applicability , I chose to pursue an engineering degree. Furthermore, I feel that an engineering degree will help make my brain stay flexible and open to learn new knowledge efficiently. I will have already come so far and personally, I believe it will be such a waste if I forgot all the important concepts I have learntlearned from my years of studies in school and university after when I get older. Later in life, I want to be able to help teach and tutor my kids in science and math if they are interested or need help. Engineers are the problems solvers, innovators and driving force of the development of our society. By pursuing an engineering degree, I want to drivemake some innovations and attempt to tackle some of societies most challenging difficultieschallenges in the society.while atAt the same time, also to keep my brain sharp and satisfy my thirst for science and math.

In the future, my ambitions and academics alone will not help me getting succeed in getting my career if I do not choose to go to a good and reputable university, such as the University of Toronto. Your university has a wide range ofmany excellent professors who loves what they are teaching actually, it would be better if you rephrase it to "excellent professors who are skilled in their fields" and such combined with the amazing history of the University of Toronto. For example, University of Toronto's discovery of insulin is so widely used today for treating diabetes. Furthermore, I am interested in one of your beneficial programs called the Professional Experience Year or PEY. Compared to co-op, I believe PEY will give me the opportunity to gain valuable work experiences and achieve new skills while working in a professional environment. There is no doubt with my strong passion combined with your internationally recognized university, professors and beneficial programs, that I will succeed in the field that I chose and help make the world a better place. rephrase the last sentence please

Throughout my high school years, I have volunteered for many different organizations. The skills I have learntlearned ranges from problem solving to social interaction skills. Skills such as problem solving, will greatly help me with tackling complex problems engineers face on a daily basis. In addition, the social interaction skills I picked up from working and dealing with people in the various organizations I volunteered for, will enable me to interact flawlessly with my professors and peers. Communication is an essential skill for engineers because it allows team members working on a project to communicate their ideas with each other effectively, especially when they are working under pressure. Since I am an introvert person , communication is one of the skills I tend to improve on whenever I get the chance to.

Essay 1: You tend to repeat many words. Like 'science and math' repeated in three sentences subsequently. And also 'pursue', for example.

Essay 2: I think it is better if you also explain what is your plan on your career. I mean career goals, not only "to be able to teach my kids and to help the world so it could get better". What is your plan? Like for example do you want to work in an international company? Be clearer and more specific about what you would want to achieve and earn at UoT. After that you can mention the PEY thing.

Essay 3: My suggestion: instead of general explanation, try to take a moment out from your organizational experiences and create a story around it. Try to show what you have done and its impact to you.

I wish you good luck. :-)
Ulaai   
Feb 1, 2014
Undergraduate / Statement of Purpose -- why KAIST? "to face AFTA 2015." [3]

Harsh comments are really, really appreciated. I also need to know whether this sounds too egoistical or not. Thank you for your time in reading my essay!

Why do you want to study at KAIST and what are your future plans (academics & career)

"What am I going to do after this?"

It is a question that always crosses my mind every once a while as I am spending my time as a 12th year high school student. The majorities of my friends are going to local universities in my country and have been planning strategies carefully hoping for chance to be in. At first, I was thinking about the same, too, but then I asked myself again, then what will set me apart from others? What will make me stand out and different?

There is this issue in my country that in my opinion should have been given more importance. In less than three years, namely in 2015, Indonesia will encounter ASEAN Free Trade Area (AFTA) which will eliminate intraregional barriers and economic borders , make the ten countries of ASEAN eventually a big regional market. Everyone will be forced to be more competitive if they do not want to be driven out by excessive challenges they have to face when that time comes. Then, where will be I standing in four years from now, if I am just going to be no different than other university graduates?

It was the reason of why I decided to continue my education abroad. After researching numerous educational institutions from various countries, my choice finally fell for KAIST. KAIST has been known as a renowned institute in South Korea, and has excellent reputation among universities in the world in aspect of computer science. Another reason is because Korea is highly regarded in case of information and computer technology development and application to daily life. The tuition fees too are much cheaper compared to other countries, which is sort of relieving my family's financial burden. As a student who wants to major and advance in computer science, there is no doubt that KAIST will be the best one to go for me. It is not only offer me a remarkable experience that I will cherish throughout my life, but also quality education and countless opportunities.

In KAIST, I am planning to deepen my knowledge about web programming and artificial intelligence. I want to learn about web programming because I want to start my own company someday. And since I am a big fan of science fiction movies, I am really interested in knowing more about artificial intelligence. Of course, I also want to enhance my activities outside classes such as participating in competitions or joining clubs that are available at the university!

Upon my graduation, I would want to work in a startup or mobile phone manufacturer company overseas for several years. After get enough experience in this field of technology, I am going to pursue my master degree in Computer Engineering. Then, I would go back to my country and develop my own company, while trying to make contribution towards the country in aspect of technology development.
Ulaai   
Feb 1, 2014
Undergraduate / Personal statement for UW Bothell (CS major, undocumented student) [3]

Hello,
Since I am bad at grammar, I'll just look at the contents.
It is good that you've made it clear why you want to pursue the major and it seems to me that you're a really hard-working person. I think you can improve the essay a bit more by adding some explanation about what is HB1079 legislature. It might as well make it easier to read for the reviewers. Also, it is better to elaborate more why UW Bothell? What is it that makes them different from other institutions, and what is it that attracts you to study there? Let them see your passion to be one of their students. Other than that, I think your essay is really good.

I wish you all the best and good luck with your application! :)
Ulaai   
Jan 4, 2014
Undergraduate / Experiences shape who we are and mold the future we will have; extracurricular activity [3]

Sorry, I am not good with grammar, so I'll just look at the content.

There are many of these activities I could pick from to write about. For instance, I could write about how I was one of the co-founders of the Library Club in school with hopes of increasing the student body's interest in printed works. I could also write about when I volunteered to teach CPR and First Aid to a group of adults.

I think if you want to only elaborate an extracurricular activity until the end, which is when you joined the army, you don't need to write this. It will make your essay more not focused. Instead, you might as well choose a memorable moment that can truly emphasize what you did in the army and its impact on you, instead of stating it clearly.

Goodluck!
And please feedback my essay! :)
Ulaai   
Jan 4, 2014
Undergraduate / Why Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering? contribute to national development [3]

Prompt: Why are you applying to your chosen course? (approx. 400 words)

The woman in front of me noticed my existence and smiled. "Could I help you?"
I nodded. I asked what kind of product they offered. She kindly explained that the company is focused in making screws for various military purposes. I saw many screws, all in different size and shapes, displayed on a big glass table in front of my eyes. Those are for the tanks, she pointed some of giant-sized screws, and those are for combat aircrafts. I said thank you and continued to explore the exhibition.

It was a scene from back then when I was in 10th grade. I was chosen as one of the participants of a national debate competition conducted by the Ministry of Defense of Republic Indonesia, and we got a chance to experience an international defense and aerospace expo that was held that time for a few hours. It was really fascinating. Various countries and multinational corporations gathered in a huge hall, all of them displayed and showed every defense, aviation, and aircraft technology they have. I got to see the real military four-wheel drive, a number of aircraft prototypes, and also heavy tanks. I learned that selection of metallic spring, screws, and even safety equipments are mandatory besides material and design of a vehicle. Before, I didn't know all of this, let alone paying attention on it. But this rare occasion changed it all.

Seeing all of this made me realize that Indonesia is still struggling to produce its own vehicle and airplane. It happens that producing is much expensive rather than buy it. So, the government usually prefers the latter over the former. However, as a person who was born and grown up in Indonesia, I also hope that one day this nation would be able to produce airplanes that everyone can enjoy.

I have a dream to contribute to national development, especially land or air vehicle manufacturing. Therefore, I was really excited when I knew that Tohoku University is offering undergraduate programs in English, especially mechanical and aerospace engineering. For me, this is the perfect chance to gaining knowledge about what has been my interest since a long time ago. The university's excellent reputation also strengthened my choice to be an engineer here. I believe that becoming a student in Japan, especially in Tohoku University; will give me a lifetime experience that I will cherish forever.

Please tell me if this responds the prompt, whether is it enjoyable, and if there is any grammatical mistakes. Thank you in advance!

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