Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by grey_form
Name: Xueting Nie
Joined: Jan 9, 2014
Last Post: Jan 18, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
Likes: 1
From: United States

Displayed posts: 6
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grey_form   
Jan 18, 2014
Undergraduate / "I don't understand what you are saying, pls tell in Gujarati"; Macalester - DIVERSITY [3]

Maybe delete the part about Meeku's family situation, its not very relevant to your challenge and solution.

Talk about how you tried to learn Gujarati and describe the scene when you tried to explain to Meeku with your poor Gujarati.
It will make the essay very interesting.
Then you can talk about how diversity influenced you, maybe not the trite idea that "i take care of poor kids and start to appreciate my situation." You can try what are some distinct culture and ideology in Gujarati culture, and how you absorb the good part to refresh your perspective.

Anyway, very good topic and special experience, it would be impressive if you tailor the message well.
grey_form   
Jan 15, 2014
Undergraduate / 'Perfect' American college": Colgate supplement, 200 words [2]

You can definitely shorten the first paragraph. Simple statement like "Colgate attracts me with its rigorous ..." is fine.
Admission Officers are not very likely to be impressed by these general things in whatever way you put them.

Besides, I am not sure what the "touching Hindi poem" is, but if it has significant meaning, put it at the beginning of your essay to catch the reader's attention. If it is about perseverance, you can relate it to your never-giving-up and chanllenge-seeking personality, which matches you to the rigorous curriculum at Colgate.

Best luck on the revision and all your applications!
grey_form   
Jan 13, 2014
Undergraduate / China inspiration - Emory: My uniqueness and contribution. cultural stuff! [7]

Hi, I am from China, too. Don't know if that's the reason the "Chinese grandma" captured my thought and I expect to see you expand to some surprising and refreshing points about them. However, I don't see much connection in the later essay, when you talk about Chinese culture and leaves "Chinese grandma" alone. Maybe I understand it wrong...

For the second part, I really love it. I wish I had that kind of experience. You look very engaged in society, interested in cultures and will surely bring something unique qualities to Emory.

Then in the conclusion, as Jinglejingle said, you should have connected it to how will you contribute to Emory campus. But that's probably okay, since you already conveyed your engagement in community, and that's stronger than empty promises of doing balabala in college in the future.

Anyway, best wishes to your application!

Can you read my essay and give me some comments on what's your impression regarding my essay, too?
Thanks!
grey_form   
Jan 9, 2014
Undergraduate / FRANKLIN AND MARSHALL SUPPLEMENT..LEARNING BY DOING !! NEED HELP [2]

I will be able to change this for creating [to create ] a more sustainable environment.

I will be part of a community where everyone is like a family (this sentence is a little weird) and cares about each other, a diverse community in the rich multicultural campus.

I desire to be part of the diverse community in [your school], and develop a strong relationship with my fellow classmates/schoolmates from multicultural backgrounds.

"I come from a place where all my life, education has been constricted within four walls of the classroom."
This sentence is a little too strong and rather negative. You are telling others that your whole life has not been learning rightly, which does not support you as a "pragmatist" in the later statement. Maybe change the tone or the way to present it.

Can you help me with my essay?
essayforum. [delete the blank] com/undergraduate-essays-2/common-app-background-story-central-pa ssion-biology-due-jan-55153/
I just need some first-impression comments and feedbacks, of whether it is engaging enough... Thank you!
grey_form   
Jan 9, 2014
Undergraduate / I grew up in the rural countryside of China; Story central-- A Passion in Biology [5]

Please give me feedbacks and comments on my personal statement! My worry is that it is too generic and boring. Any advice and comments would be appreciated!!!

Warm and fluffy, appearing in May --
It is poplar catkin seed.
The first time I encountered it, my heart palpitated in awe.
I grew up in the rural countryside of China, having much more chance to interact with nature and the living world than the generation born and raised in cities of steel and concrete. One early summer afternoon, I went to a pond to search for tadpoles. Suddenly, I saw some white flocci fluttering in the air from the trees surrounding the pond. Some of these cotton-like substances floated into water, some landed on the grass, and some danced in the wind to remote places. At first I thought these were flowers wafted to the air by the breeze. However, I became increasingly surprised that after several hours, the trees were still releasing the miniature clouds silently yet determinedly. The whole afternoon, the white soft elves parachuted from the trees nonstop. I visited the place again the next day, and the situation did not change. The ground was already covered with fluffy "snow". Later I learned in biology that these trees were disseminating their seeds by wind, but at that single moment, I was deeply touched by something indescribable. The grandeur of that scene reminded me of the preciousness of life, manifest through the extravagant investment of nature on the production of new lives.

Since young, the idyllic environment and extensive interaction with nature had elicited a curiosity on life and engraved deep in me an ardent interest for biological science. When I explored freely in nature, the upstanding trees, the verdant hills, the ripening crops, the blooming flowers, the lively animals, with their overflowing vitality, always infused me with exuberance, and catalyzed the explosion of my affection and passion for life, which had been soaring in me.

As I grew older, I began to learn biology, in which many interesting phenomena I had encountered in childhood were resurfaced; to me, knowledge in biology means more than dry concepts or correct answers to test questions. I was able to connect science with tangible life, since I frequently find the corroboration of scientific theories from my experience. The daily scenes in my childhood become increasingly mysterious and worth of questioning.

Longing for more opportunities to learn, I came to the United States. The study and pursuit of research in molecular biology opened up my vision to life. Beneath the interesting phenomena, I see deep and intrinsic mechanisms of life at the levels of cells and molecules that are fundamentals of all life events. Life is not merely the beautiful nature, the lively animals and the thriving plants, but also the cells that produce proteins and other molecules to sustain the life. The more I learned, the deeper understanding I get, the more curious I became toward the greatness and mysteriousness of the life. Not speaking of the complicated lives of human and animal, even in a cell, there is much yet to be discovered. In the laboratory, I once again become the young girl standing beside the pond with flocci floating around, eager to understand the inexhaustible mysteries of the living world.

Maybe after the day and night dissemination, few of the seeds of poplar can find a home and sprout, but at least one small catkin from that summer had landed in heart, rooted and grown into a strong admiration, love and commitment.
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