Posts by Banshee611

Banshee611

Mar 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: a table about poverty rates among Australian. [3]

Thank you, Dumi. I just want to ask if I use "Overall" in my second paragraph, can I change my third paragraph into "It can be seen that"?

Oh. It seems like I posted this thread in a wrong place. Can you move it for me to Writing feedback? Thank you.

Banshee611

Mar 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: a table about poverty rates among Australian. [3]

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph reveals information about the poverty rates among different types of Australian households in 1999.

It can be seen that people with children were better off than those without children, and single people were less likely to be poor than couples. This rate was exponentially lower among elderly people.

Overall, 1,837,000 Australians (11%) were living in poverty in 1999. Among parents, about 21% of single parents were poor whereas those with children only made up for 12%. The same trend can be seen for people with no children: the figure for single people living below the poverty line was considerably higher than the one for couple, 19% and 7% respectively. Aged people were the least likely to be poor, only 6% for single and 4% for couple.

Banshee611

Mar 23, 2014

Scholarship / Clarification about scholarship Letter of intent [2]

I assume that the 3 universities and departments should be related to the subject that you want to work on?

Banshee611

Mar 23, 2014

Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay)Topic- in some countries young people have little leisure time... [4]

are face lack of free time

are facing a lack of free time

two main reasons of

two main reasons to it

see her/his child

their child

Secondly, nowadays it is getting difficult to manage a place from a university, especially, for teenagers. Because there are many times more applicants to universities than there are university places, each year.

I don't quite get what you are trying to say here. Do you mean that because there are more students apply for universities, it's hard to get in one?

Moreover, it also causes to depression and stress of an applicant during applying for a university.

Moreover, it also results in an applicant's depression and stress during the applying process.

Banshee611

Mar 21, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: describe a line graph about modern technology usage in the UK. [5]

Thank you Dumi. But would you mind giving me an example about the structure by rearranging my writing above?

Banshee611

Mar 14, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: describe a line graph about modern technology usage in the UK. [5]

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

My writing:

A glance at the graph reveals information about the changes in the use of modern technology in households in Britain. It can be seen that there is an upward trend in the access of the four types of technology over the period shown.

Both CD player and home computer had a similar growth. In 1996, CD player was the most accessible technology at 60%, increasing steadily to over 80% by 2003. Correspondingly, the use of home computer rose gradually from roughly 30% to 50%. However, after 7 years, while CD player still remained as the most popular form of technology, home computer dropped from 2nd to 3rd place.

On the other hand, in 1996, the percentage of mobile phone was the lowest, less than 20%. Nevertheless, it's popularity grew exponentially to 70% in 2003 despite some fluctuation from 1998 to 2001. It became the 2nd most used technology, replacing home computer. Surprisingly, internet was on started to be used in 1998 with the percentage of 10, climbed significantly to more than 40% in 2003.