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(IELTS essay)Topic- in some countries young people have little leisure time...


Slim shady 12 / 27  
Mar 23, 2014   #1
Hi everybody,
please can you check this essay, thanks in advance!!!!!! RESPECT!!!!

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?


In fact, the youth in some nations are face lack of free time and are forced to work hard on their studies. I believe that there are two main reasons of it, one is the pressure of parents and the other is a university place competition.

First of all, it is obvious that every parents want to see her/his child to be an educated person, do well at school and go on to have a proper career in the future. That is why, parents put a lot of pressure on their children, consequently, children lack leisure time in their early childhood. For example, where i live parents even take their children to special tutors. As a result of this, children might have a limited free time and the pressure on them is considerable.

Secondly, nowadays it is getting difficult to manage a place from a university, especially, for teenagers. Because there are many times more applicants to universities than there are university places, each year. consequently, the youth try to spend all their time to study hard in order to enter a university. Moreover, it also causes to depression and stress of an applicant during applying for a university.

In my opinion, in order to overcome such problems, firstly, we should be more attentive to our children's time. Secondly, parents have to be aware of the effects that pressure causes to young people such as anxiety, nervous and stress. Thirdly, governments should create new university places for young appliers.

To sum up, I want to say that young people should be taught how to control their leisure and study time with the aid of parents and teachers.

Banshee611 2 / 4 1  
Mar 23, 2014   #2
are face lack of free time

are facing a lack of free time

two main reasons of

two main reasons to it

see her/his child

their child

Secondly, nowadays it is getting difficult to manage a place from a university, especially, for teenagers. Because there are many times more applicants to universities than there are university places, each year.

I don't quite get what you are trying to say here. Do you mean that because there are more students apply for universities, it's hard to get in one?

Moreover, it also causes to depression and stress of an applicant during applying for a university.

Moreover, it also results in an applicant's depression and stress during the applying process.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 23, 2014   #3
First of all, it is obvious that every parents want to see her/his child to be an educated person,

... wrong grammar :(
every parent wants to see / all parents want to see

That is why, parents put a lot of pressure on their children, consequently, children lack leisure time in their early childhood.

... parents put what sort of pressure?
That is why parents put lots of pressure on their children to make them study hard. Consequently, children would not be left with any leisure time to enjoy their childhood and this may impact them negatively.


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