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Posts by Andy_Vo [Suspended]
Name: Andy Vo
Joined: May 12, 2014
Last Post: May 18, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
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From: Singapore
School: informatics

Displayed posts: 7
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Andy_Vo   
May 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: How to learn children more efficiently. Should they watch more tv? [2]

Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? do you agree or disagree?

Education is undeniably pivotal for an individual. Although, it is agreed that learning by watching TV is more effective to some children, I find it difficult not to oppose against the idea of having students spend more time on TVs. The reason for this is traditional education has its stand for most appropriate method. Thus, physical inactivity should not be encouraged for the aim of bettering youngsters' skills.

To begin with, classic teaching methods has been scientifically proven and utilized as the best mode of educate a child. Technology and its advance, to some degrees, have influenced the educational industry positively. Nevertheless, it has not changed the importance of teachers' role in classes. The fact that students nowadays do their homework or researches on computers rather than go to libraries is an illustration for this. Yet, monitors are unable to replace the appearance of educators since their knowledge and adaptability is priceless. Therefore, teacher cannot be switched with some unconscious screens.

Secondly, watching television is a very passive action and should not be promoted by increasing periods spent on it. On the other hand, children who have had such activities that interrelate to creativity, cooperation, competition tend to perform significantly better in general terms. For instance, a conducted experiment indicates out-performance in skills like differentiate types of plants or animals of a child that experienced various activities in nature to a child spent most of his time watching documentaries. As a result, such activities can equip a child necessary skill that is useful for his future career.

In conclusion, despite the fact that learning by watching TV suits some children, kids should never be encourage to engage in such passive activity. School has been applying traditional teaching procedure since for ages. Additionally, it still performs at its best to equip a child with essential skills.

In your own opinion, which band this essay would be?, thanks for your feedback.
Andy_Vo   
May 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / The more and more importance of Practical skills [3]

I think your state of superficial education in Vietnam is correct, i agree that our country have several problems about educational consciousness.
Anyway, i think that you didn't make your points clear in the essay. If you agree with the instruction, you should make several points to support your agreement, 2 points are preferred.

Another thing is that your shouldn't use contraction in Academic writing, for instance, it's -> it is, can't -> cannot

hope this helped.
Andy_Vo   
May 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Honey bees life cycle [4]

Over the three weeks

Over the next three weeks, or during the next three weeks
Andy_Vo   
May 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: UK Tourism (Departure and Arrival) [4]

UK residents slightly increased from around 12 millions in 1979 to 20 millions in 1984

personally, i would not state the increase from 12 mil to 20 mil is the slight increase.
i'd prefer substantially, considerably, or something like that to slightly

Turkey and Greece strong stance
should be strongly

that's all for me, overall it's a decent essay.

hope this helped.
Andy_Vo   
May 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2:should physical education be optional in school or not? [3]

Thanks for your reply dumi
because i have been studying Barron's IELTS preparation book, which advised me to write a 3 point of thesis to support my opinion.
Therefore i stated in the essay. My opinion is PE classes should not be optional
The first point : it is good for students' physical health
the second point is it's good for mental health which is feeling good
the third point is that if a student is not capable of doing exercise, he can be allowed not to. But, the programs has to be compulsive

In the end i stated 2 of my points in the first sentence, and the third one in the second sentence.

Also, i have read in somewhere that in Academic writing, you should not put pronouns such as i, you, which emphases your own opinion too much just like that essay that you included in your reply

I'm really confusing right now so if you can address my question, i'd be appreciate

thanks
Andy_Vo   
May 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2:should physical education be optional in school or not? [3]

Most school offer some type of physical education program to their students. Why it is important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?

Physical education programs are offered widely in school systems. Although, there have been a number of given opinion supposed that physical education should be optional. Exercises are undeniably essential, especially at growing ages, thanks to its benefits for both mental and physical health of a student.

A great deal of conducted researches has indicated the major variety of benefits of exercises for one's physical health. Scientists claimed that a regularly active lifestyle would protect us from certain diseases such as diabetes, heart diseases, and the largest concern of western countries: obesity. Additional, physical activities can act as an aid to prevent student from excessive time spent on their electronic devices.

Moreover, exercises are proved to help releasing endorphin, which is a hormone that improves one's mood by reducing stress and anxiety. Therefore, physical education will stimulate a happy and healthy lifestyle of a student. In addition, research showed that student who involved in physical activities consistently tend to sleep well at night and, as a result, perform better in school.

Unfortunately, there are several inevitable circumstances in which a student has a difficult physical condition, e.g. handicapped or asthmatic, that prevent them from engaging such physical activities. In that case, school should give them some sort of special permission like allowing them to absent in physical education periods. This solution might be a better option comparing to make the subject optional, which would encourage lazy students not to participate.

In conclusion, physical education should not be optional since it is physically and mentally beneficial for a student. Nevertheless, in some unavoidable special cases, students can be permitted to abstain from exhausting activities.
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