Posts by zeable

zeable

May 17, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS: traditional skills and ways of life die out because of technology [5]

Hi, I am also working on Ielts preparation. Very happy to read your eaasy and share my knowledge with you.

As a task 2 topic, I find that it is a little difficult to deal this topic with only one side opinion. If I were you, probable I will write a balanced essay like this:

1st paragraph: introduction
2nd paragraph: the advantages of technologies
3rd paragraph: the benefits of preserving some traditional skills and ways of life
4th paragraph: conclusion

However, there is no absolutely right answer to a writer's opinion :)

It would be better if you improve the topic sentence in paragraph 2 in order to make it as clear as the one in paragraph 3. It took me a while to figure out what you wanted to say in paragraph 2 was the inevitable extinction of old skills and types of lifes were the nature of evolution, which was beneticial and there is no necessity to reverse it.

Moreover, it seems to me that your arguments in P2 and P3 are the same to some extend.

zeable

May 17, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS -Levels of youth crime are increasing [5]

I believe this is a very well written essay which shows your good writing skills. Here is one point I want to share.

Firstly , it is felt that the main cause of increased crime rate among young individuals is unemployment .

Because you provided solid evidence to show the link between increased crime rate and unempolyment, I suggest you choose 'considered' here, which looks more formal and confident.

Moreover, in my knowledge, it would be a betterstructure containing 'Firstly', 'Secondly' and 'Finally'. As what you want to do is to start this paragraph with a topic sentence here, I think 'Unemployment could be considered as the main cause of increased crime rate among young individuals' is sufficient.

zeable

May 17, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Reading books or Watching TV? 'Equal credits should be given' [7]

Thank you for your corrections. They are very helpful. The fluency is improved a lot.

zeable

May 17, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Reading books or Watching TV? 'Equal credits should be given' [7]

good introduction :) Good writing too :)
Follow dumi's approach for this task;

Thank you. I will read your reference carefully.

The boldface words can be categorized as the faulty reference of a pronoun. Also, you'd better avoid a contracted form (see the red one)

Thank you for your opinion. To be honest, this essay was not finished within regulated time.

Your points are very fair and reasonable. I will try to avoid those mistakes in the future.

Thank you very much.

zeable

May 16, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Are changes negative or positive??? [6]

Hi, this eassy is well written, also your grammar is very good. Only one sentence concern me if I may speak.

But the opponents of this view argue that the human beings are the most adaptable organisms in the Earth.

I believe it would be better if you stick to the negative impact of changes on human in second paragraph. The last sentence seem a bit awkward because it contradicts to the topic sentence.

I have a question regarding to this type of topic - "Discuss both these views and give your own opinion". As we all know arguments for both sides are requested, but are we expected to provide reasons supporting our opinion?

Thank you.

zeable

May 16, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Reading books or Watching TV? 'Equal credits should be given' [7]

Hi, I am zeable. I am preparing for Ielts test. This is my essay for a writing task 2. Please correct me. Thank you so much!

Some people spend more time reading books, while others prefer to watch TV. The former group is more likely to develop creative imaginations and have a much better grasp of language skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there are plenty of measures to obtain information and gain knowledge, among which reading and watching television are the most common ways. Some people believe those who prefer reading stand a better chance to have innovative thinking and greater development on language. However I personally object to this opinion and hold that there is no reason in saying watching TV is inferior to reading books.

Equal credits should be given to reading and watching TV in developing creative minds. As a matter of fact, imagining is closely entwisted to reading. When people read novels and magazines, what is happening in their minds is the restructure and reorganization of the information and knowledge in books. It is a most common way in which our imaginations function creatively and are improved. Nevertheless, the advantages of developing innovative thinking through watching TV should not be neglected. Some people criticize there is no necessity for our brains to work as all information on TV are shown in detailed and vivid images. Regarding this, my question is how a person can have the best understanding of a car if he doesn't see a car before. Admittedly or not, it is the fully depicted words, figures and stories that serve as source when our creative minds work.

In terms of improving language ability, reading and watching television both benefit human. The advantages of reading in developing communication skills are quite obvious. One of those is that the more books an individual read, the better literacy he or she has. The beautiful words and sentences obtained from books will directly contribute to a person's writing skill. The positive effect is also observed on people who watch TV a lot. However instead of writing, TV programs are probably more beneficial to people's listening and speaking skills. During the time spent on TV, a person will listen to other ones' talking, which will in turn have contributions to his speaking ability.

In conclusion, I am against the idea that reading books is better than watching TV in developing creative imaginations and a better mastering of languages. In my opinion they are equally important and helpful.