Posts by pinkpoet

pinkpoet

Jun 3, 2014

Book Reports / Louis Riel is a villain and is guilty of treason. [4]

i would really love to help you with this one but im lost on what your talking about. maybe if you can be more specific and write the title of the book, the name of the author and other informations then i and others on the site can have more idea of what your talking about

pinkpoet

Jun 3, 2014

Scholarship / Carrer goals, financial information - scholarship essay [5]

thats nice and Canada i a very nice place with nice people. i am from England my parents are originally from Africa

pinkpoet

Jun 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The zoo deserves maintenance and public respect [13]

good job :) ... i think everything is fine just few grammatic and punctuation errors most of which have been corrected by thanhphongct1. And to add to this, i think the first and second paragraph are fine but the third paragraph is a little vague and lacks a proper conclusion. where you wrote:

Secondly, the zoo also serve as a means of ecological protection . Nowadays the process of globalisation is accompanied by the encroachment upon natural habitats, which consequently calls for the help of zoos. What is more, the ever-increasing huntings are having a heavy toll on rare and specious species. Only when zoos appear are such ~~distinction-~~did you mean extinction-driven animals as: giraffe, panda, koala or leopard provided with their own inaccessible territory .

i read the third paragraph and i find that you were a little vague on the idea of "Ecological protection". i think you should expand on the idea of Ecological protection.so think about this: what is ecological protection? how does the zoo serve as ecological protection? how can it be done?.remember not to be ambigious in an essay. explain as much as possible. or write so that even a layman can understand what you mean.

and also i was reading the last sentence, i dont really get a sense of what you are getting at.plus the paragraph itself lacks a proper conclusion. A conclusion is suppose to sum up the main idea of the paragraph and that is missing in the third paragraph. otherwise the essay is a really good one. good luck :)

pinkpoet

Jun 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / One of the interesting differences in culture between America and Vietnam [2]

great job... the only thing wrong with this comparison essay is that you did not state any similarities at all. keep in mind that when comparing two things it is advisable to also state the similarities and then use the similarities to emphasize their differences. this makes a comparison essay stand out.when you write a comparison essay, there is usually a comparison between two dissimilar this that have a few things in common (similarities).And in order to do this you have to first research the similarities and differences. i'll give you and example of what i mean.

For instance you were asked to compare between a dog and a cat. i can pick my topic to be
A narrow theoretical analysis of animal species: comparing between a cat and a dog

In the animal kindom, there are several animals that scientists considered to be of the same species. scientist have been able to prove, with much evidence, that animals of similar species may differ in class,size, body composition and structure. The cat and the dog are one of many examples. Although many may be thorn apart and confused by the simple idea of comparing between a cat and a dog, it still remains aparrent that these two animals, share several similarities and differences.

while Cats and dogs are both of the same species (mammals), their physical characteristices and features are slightly different...

although both cats and dog are considered to be domestic animals, their attitude toward their owners are very different. Generally dogs are much more friendlier and loyal to their owners than cats and owners notice that cats are sometimes more selfish, aloof and sometimes snubby....

do you see what im trying to do? i am using the similarities to highlight the diffences between a cat and a dog. Remember the whole point of the essay is for the readers to understand how to distinguish between the two things that are being compared. at the end of a comparison essay, readers should understand fully the similarities as well ae the difference between the things that are being compared.

pinkpoet

Jun 2, 2014

Scholarship / Carrer goals, financial information - scholarship essay [5]

thank you so much narjisfatima. you are awesome and infact that was very helpful :)

pinkpoet

Jun 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / My pets - chicks; Yun Tai Mountain attractions [3]

i really like your essay. its a very good one and in fact i enjoyed reading it. but there were few things that i think were off. Forgive me, but i think were you wrote:

For me, I bought 4 adorable chicks. [font#FF0000]You know , they were not the usual chicks that farmers raised in the farm, bu~~t the one~~ they were species of pheasant. ~~By the way,~~they were not the national protected animals so they can be bought and raised as pets.

i think the sentence needs a little restructuring because starting a sentence with "You know" and continuing with "By the way makes the whole sentence to not flow. The whole thing must flow so you should write this instead:

For me, I bought 4 adorable chicks. And you could obviously tell, just by looking at them that they were not the usual chicks that farmers raised in the farm but the one species of pheasant. ~~By the way~~What made the whole trip even better was that they were not the national protected animals so they can be bought and raised as pets.

and also the last sentence
So, I guess you can understand that how special and precious they were ~~for~~ to me.

pinkpoet

Jun 2, 2014

Scholarship / Carrer goals, financial information - scholarship essay [5]

i am applying for a scholarship award where i am required to submit a one page typed letter outlining my qualification for the award. i am also required to submit another page where i have to talk about my carrer goals, financial information and also talk about how my career goals will contribute to the community in the future. can someone please help me with that. this is what i haave so far.

Going into the Health sector has always been one of my biggest aspirations in life. Ever since I was a child, being a doctor, a nurse or working in a field where I had the chance to improve the health of others have always been my dreams. When I came to Canada in December 2011, I was determined to make my dreams a reality. Moving to a foreign country was hard for me and my family, at first. It was like starting your life over from scratch. You have to learn the cultures, learn about the people, the different food varieties, make new friends and everything else that there is/ was to know. Ever determined to succeed, I never gave up on my dreams and aspirations. Coming from a low income household did not deter my ambitions and motivation to succeed. Focus and drive, in fact, have been my tools of success; starting high school in Canada and volunteering opened new doors of experiences and the opportunity to get involved with my community. I was involved with Ecylpse Youth Centre, where I volunteered for a year and 8 months. Through my service, I learned how to promote and spread the idea of non-violence in the community. I also volunteered with PLASP Child Care Services for almost 2 years. Working with kids was a great experience and a passion of mine. I had a chance to be a role model, teaching myself and the children to grow with responsibility and humility and respect. I love working with children. I hope to fulfil my long awaited goal to become a Paediatrician one day. In the PLASP program, I helped to create a fun and safe environment for the kids there, and also making sure that they participate wholeheartedly in their daily duties and activities. Being a focused and well rounded high school student, with a 4.0 average, I look for opportunities to better my education and help uplift my community. First, I hope to take a course in Health Science like nursing, where I can practise and improve my skills and eventually go on further into the medical field where I can use my previous nursing experiences to become a better doctor. I strongly believe that I will hugely benefit from the scholarship award, because I am very passionate and driven by my goal to become a doctor. I am also positive that my kind-heartedness, my outgoing personality, my love for reading, drive to learn, and problem solving attributes, are ones that will allow me to succeed in the health care industry.

I believe that getting involved with the community has allowed me to maintain my stability of improving my experience and also giving me the opportunity to pursue my interest and be more passionate about what I love. I am confident that I will achieve my dreams and aspirations and with the commitment that I have I am very confident that I will make it in life. Finally, I am very happy and enthusiastic to pursue my future goal.