Writing Feedback / IELTS : Could Fame Be All Good? [10]

Hi Ahmad, I really appreciate your constructive feedback. I will definitely bear in mind with your advice. Thanks! :)

Undergraduate / The feeling of wanting to know computers; Personal statement for admission to CS [5]

In the year of my A level examinations, I was doing well until m id-year when I started to face several family problems. Things were in a mess and it indefinitely distracted me from my studies. I know that this shouldn't be an excuse and I have since learned how I should have to handle difficult life situations properly and having togoing through these challenges also enabled me to become stronger as an individual. I understand that my A level results wasn't excellent, however I believe I have the aptitude necessary to become successful.

Throughout my time as a team commander while doing national service and working for the past year, I have learnt skills such as dealing with the public , working under pressure and becoming a reliable and responsible person. These valuable life lessons and work experience have changed me to become who I am now and I'm confident that given the opportunity, I can become an asset and be of value to the society.

Before I left my job, my boss also wanted to give me a pay increment and assured me that he would welcome me back to the job anytime.

In my spare time, I practice Chinese calligraphy which I've started learning since 5. It helped me to develop strong patience which I find it to be beneficial for me when writing program, which could be frustrating at the beginning when I have no idea of what is going on.

Besides that I also exercise regularly, going for a run or swim every 2 days ensuring myself to lead an active and healthy lifestyle.
As of current I am also furthering my knowledge of Internet programming by learning HTML, C++ and Python using online resources.

Looking to the future, I am very keen to pursue a career in the Computer Science sector as I believe it to be a dynamic and versatile area of work, with many exciting opportunities which provides many transferable skills essential for embracing future challenges.

There are 2two(it's best to spell it out, than writing the figure) fields which I would be particularly interested in after graduating. One is to work for the government. I want to play a part in solving first sts to solve world problems and help create innovative solutions. I believe working at the government sector will help me stay true to my goals and realise what motivates me to study computer science, that is to serve the community and helping people who are in need .

By which I plan to create a software that is simple, efficient and useful for everyone, especially for the elderly as our country is shifting towards an ageing population.

The other would be working in the fields of research. I want to be part of the team which is at the forefront of next[fon generation's technology.

Be it working in my favourite game company to help develop and create new game content or going into research to develop the next generation virtual reality device.(It sounds a bit too conversational. You should be writing in more formal tone.) Specifically Oculus Rift, the company which Facebook had just bought over for 2 billion recently.

The bottom line is that I want to be part of this exciting field. There are many options which I believe have yet to be explored and with Computer Science, I believe I can be success my goals no matterregardless of where I go.

I am confident that this enthusiasm will combine with my strong determination and motivation, enabling me to succeed in the challenges that university presents.

Given the opportunity, I would do my best to meet and exceed the expectations required by the students attending your college.
I am very much motivated to also prove that I deserve a spot in your college and being able to let the admission committee feel that they have made the correct decision to accept me.

I would cherish what it is given and strive very hard to achieve my goals and ensure the resources provided will not go the waste.

I also like to be involve in voluntary work and help out the college in whichever way I can.

Thank you for reading.

** All the best to your application! However, it seems to be a bit long. Do they have a limited words in this?**

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Could Fame Be All Good? [10]

Thank you so much for your help. :)

Writing Feedback / Puppy love should be agreed or not? [2]

Love is a lifelong word, directly or indirectly, reminding us of each milestone we have suffered from no matter which stage we are: an infant, a juvenile, an adult. There always exists a link bridging the gap between those stages; it is puppy love. As far as I am concerned, people are still wondering whether this kind of love should be advocated or not. However, I hold a strong belief that puppy love has had a great deal of sufficient impact on our upbringing.

Initially, puppy love plays a crucial role in completing our personalities. In progress of this love, teenagers tend to be in high spirits due to the first feeling of love and being loved. They begin to take care of each other as well as show their best sides so that they are likely to conquer the heart of their "other half". For instance, a boy who has a habit of being unpunctual(don't think it is used correctly "un") will try to get up on time, dress up trimly in order to abolish his slovenliness in one's blue eyes. In turn for the improvement in conscience of the boy, a girl in puppy, in all probabilities, becomes more feminine, fathoms other's feeling. As a result, these changes will remain in adult life as well as forever after naturally.

Secondly, puppy love provides us with indispensible lessons nurturing our life experience. Some people say that this kind of love merely lasts in a short period of time, which puts people under the impression that love is a ruthless game, worthless being deep down to. Nevertheless, the truth is partly in contrast with the above statement. Love in juvenile is the freshest one regardless of any fallacious profits. A hard-working girl in puppy love will help lend her lover a helping hand to solve assignment with no "contract", while in the "adult love", some girls are in favor of being stick to a rich man in order to rely on his prosperity in the future. Therefore, what they could learn from love-at-high-school how to give and receive unconditionally. Although the fact about time limit could be right, however, what is going to evaporate is what we appreciate most, especially when some people were utter innocent at the teen-age; which reminds them in the modern life full of chaos that how they used to be in the past so that they consider it a precious gift from the heaven. (Too many points in one sentence. Should split into few ones.)

In conclusion, puppy love is a controversial issue. No matter how it features in our life, it cannot be denied that this love contributes to our life memories some unforgettable pages about what we are today.